Faptuary - Celebrity nude scenes, high definition media and bad decisions - Page 27

Holly Willoughby Naked – Ministry of Mayhem – 4K-ish Upscale from VHS

It’s easy to assume you would never have the opportunity to see Holly Willoughby naked. After all, she doesn’t really do much acting, she doesn’t do many lewd online postings, she doesn’t have an OnlyFans (yet), so where would you see her naked body? The answer is obviously ITV’s children’s Saturday Morning Show, Ministry of Mayhem. Yes, that one. I was going to type that it goes without saying that we weren’t supposed to get a Holly Willoughby nude shot in the show, but with some of the stuff I’ve seen on Ministry of Mayhem, I’m convinced that the producers catered more to coomers than children.

Holly actually occupies a very interesting niche in the nudity ecosystem. Although she doesn’t get naked a lot – or, like, ever – she is the queen of suggestiveness and tease. But here’s the funny thing: I’m not sure that she does it intentionally. Even now, hosting another of ITV’s morning shows, This Morning, with famed sex god Phillip Schofield, she seems to cultivate that innocent MILF aura that I can’t quite figure out the sincerity of. It’s clearly working, because any attempt to find nudes of Holly on the internet will lead you to reams upon reams of fakes, which should be every fapper’s worst nightmare, though desperate times have clearly called for desperate measures.

But if you want to actually see the real Holly Willoughby nude, Ministry of Mayhem remains the only place to do so. This clip dates back to June 26, 2004 – a fateful Saturday morning like no other. For if you were watching the morning kids show on ITV, you would have seen the voluptuous presenter stand up to do a dance, bounce around a bit, have her bounce desynchronize with one of her boobs’ bounce, and said boob fall out of her top. Depending on how much attention you were paying and how big your TV was, you might even have missed it. Fortunately for you, noble fappers who enjoy rewinding lewd Holly clips captured the moment on VHS, and it lives on to this day.

An unsurprising phenomenon, considering Ministry of Mayhem had a number of Holly Willoughby bikini moments, usually dripping wet, often covered with slime, or as they call it on the show, “gunge.” But that’s hardly all. No, no, there are tons of moments with with Holly in racy and suggestive outfits. In this very same episode with her wardrobe malfunction, she does one of her infamous segments as Polly with the Trolley, in which she wears a French maid outfit. But not only does she wear this incredibly erotic outfit, the skirt of it is so short that her ass is almost showing, thighs obviously completely exposed, and the camera even trails behind her as she walks on the stage and films her from below. From below!

ITV must have known what they were doing. Their wardrobe department certainly knew what they were doing when they had their young, attractive presenter wear that nipslip-guaranteeing top and no bra underneath AND have her do a bouncy dance. Somewhere, a producer knew that they were going to get Holly Willoughby naked on camera, and they did their bit. Some men’s greatness just cannot be measured. Holly herself has said on interview how embarrassing the situation was for her, to which co-host Stephen Mulhern “joked” that their rating went up hard after that. I’m sure lots of things went up hard that morning. But that’s enough of that. Enjoy the lovely Holly Willoughby nude like you’ve never seen her below.

Bonus Round!

Daisy Waterstone Naked – Milky’s Immortality – HD Stream

We never got to see Daisy Waterstone naked while she was playing Margo in The Durrells of Corfu… except we kind of did. In fact, we got to see sweet Margo Durrell naked precisely while that show was airing. No, you didn’t miss it. The show didn’t give us an actual Margo Durrell nude scene, although that definitely would have spiced it up, but we did get to see Daisy Waterstone nude in another production that was released shortly after the second season of The Durrells finished. I’m talking about the web short, Milky’s Immortality. This is listed by the creator as the first part of the Milky Slips Time Trilogy. Sadly, we still have not seen the rest, but I’m looking forward to it, especially if both Daisy and the wardrobe department return intact.

Milky’s Immortality is a tale about quantum suicide and quantum immortality. If that sounds really heavy, you’ll be surprised to learn that it’s not. A surprisingly jaunty short which is no doubt helped by Margo Durrell’s bouncing tits pretty much opening it. Perhaps one of my favorite things about it is how well concealed it is. With less than 18,000 views as I write, I really feel like I’ve uncovered some sort of hidden treasure. Yes, it’s true that our English Rose has more credits in shorts than anything else, but even so, those are more mainstream, more marketed, more widely listed. Milky’s Immortality is like an unassuming side shop in the back alleys of a Moroccan market, but when you step through its threshold, you behold wonders the world has never seen… namely Daisy Waterstone’s breasts.

The funny thing is that there’s one place that we didn’t get to see Daisy Waterstone nude, and that’s in BBC’s Silent Witness. My God, BBC comes up a lot along my travels. It almost makes paying for TV License in the United Kingdom an honor, knowing that you’re funding so many nude scenes. And Silent Witness really does do that. Just off the top of my head, the show has the only nude scene by Daisy Ridley, who of course gained fame by playing Rey, Jar Jar Binks’ sex slave in the Star Wars sequels. Silent Witness also contains the only proper nude scene by Jodie Comer. That girl’s always got hair covering her tits in every other nude scene, but not Silent Witness. Incidentally, both playing corpses during their nude scenes. In fact, most of the nude scenes in Silent Witness are of corpses. I guess someone’s got to cater to the necrophile market.

As for contextualizing why we see Daisy Waterstone topless in Milky’s Immortality, it’s because she needs to commit suicide to travel to another dimension. We obviously all know that you have to be naked when you commit suicide, but panties are allowed if you do it by drinking dishwashing liquid. So she takes a gulp and then starts sputtering and throwing it up. If any of you fappers are into gag porn or something, you are in for a treat. I have to give mad respect to the director here for keeping the camera on her front, keeping the lights on bright, and not having any annoying props covering up the good bits. Your service will be honored for generations to come, sir.

We then get a magnificent view of Daisy Waterstone’s ass and hanging sideboob – or maybe it’s more of a hanging underboob – as she crawls across the room on the floor. She reaches the end of the room, at which point she rolls over onto her back. The camera operator then takes the opportunity to get a nice, long, lingering look at her naked body from the top as she lies dead. You know, as I’m writing this, I’m wondering whether this was actually an undercover Silent Witness episode. The coincidences are just too many. No, I take it back. Silent Witness nude scenes usually have terrible angles, whereas in Milky’s Immortality, we truly get the best seats in the house. Enjoy the screenshots of Daisy Waterstone nude.

Kimberley Nixon Naked – Cherrybomb, Easy Virtue, and Ordinary Lies – Blu ray and HD Stream

How does one go about seeing Kimberly Nixon naked? The fact that this post contains not only more than one feature, but an entire three, should tell you how much of a challenge this perilous adventure is. It is normally against my religion to commit organizational sins of this magnitude, but this perky little daffodil just does not get naked very often. But more importantly, when we do get the rare Kimberley Nixon nude scene, to call the nudity fleeting would be polite. The Welsh actress’ nude scenes tend to only contain a few frames of nudity throughout. I’m not exaggerating. The frames and clips on this page may paint a clear picture, but if you actually watch the two movies and the TV series contained herein, you’ll see it truly all is very blink-and-you’ll-miss-it.

I’ll start with Cherrybomb for two reasons. The first reason is that, clocking in at a princely 4 seconds, this movie contains the most amount of time that you can see Kimberly Nixon naked. The second reason is that the movie is a spinoff of the beloved Harry Potter franchise, telling the story of Ron Weasley moving to Northern Ireland after Hogwarts to work in a leisure center. Apparently he was disappointed with those Emma Watson nude leaks that totally weren’t staged to revitalize her dying career. Seriously, what is with actresses waiting until the spotlight has left them to get their tits out in unglamorous ways. It didn’t work for Neve Campbell, and it obviously didn’t work for Emma Watson, nude for the first time, though she was. But I digress.

The Kimberley Nixon nude scene in Cherrybomb is a bit controversial because for a number of the shots, her face isn’t in at the same time as her tits. If you’re happy to take my word for it, I’ve done some digging and comparisons, and I can tell you that it definitely is Kimberley Nixon nude in Cherrybomb, not a body double. The next movie we’re going to learn about (by which I mean fap to) is Easy Virtue. Jessica Biel is in that one as the lead, but sadly, she has no nude scene, so we’ll have to keep on fapping to her role as a stripper in Powder Blue. She does, however, join Kimberley’s character in doing a can-can on stage while wearing no underwear! No, I’m teasing again. Jessica Biel wears underwear, but Kimberley Nixon’s hairy pussy gets flashed multiple times. I’m sorry to say that I can’t confirm with 100% certainty whether we’re looking at a merkin or not. I don’t want to dash any hopes or ruin any orgasms, so I won’t voice any guesswork on the topic.

Now, there’s one other feature that you can see Kimberley Nixon topless in. I’d like to heartily thank and commend The Topless Review and their British Nudity Database for listing this in their database. There was an absolutely accidental nipple flash in the second episode of the second season of BBC series, Ordinary Lies. The show is not listed as having nudity, although BBC productions seem to make up about half the posts I cover here anyway, so it’s almost not surprising that this slipped through the editors’ cracks. At this stage, I might even make a tag for all of them (EDIT: promises made, promises kept). If you slow it way down, her left areola is visible in an entire four frames, and her actual nipple is seen in two. TWO! But hey, a nude scene is a nude scene, intentional or not.

For a consolation prize, I’ve included the lewd scenes of Kimberley Nixon making a bikini out of her bra and panties to swim and shiver in. You can find more lewd Kimberleys in Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, where she’s seen padding her bra to make her breasts look bigger, and Wild Child, where she’s sunbathing in a bikini for a while. Neither of those movies have nudity from her or anyone else, but we’re already in grasping-for-straws territory, so why not branch out? As for the movies where we actually do get Kimberley Nixon naked, breakdown of screencaps below.

Ordinary Lies

Easy Virtue

Cherrybomb

Emily Mortimer Naked – Lovely & Amazing – HD Stream

Whenever you’re going to watch something with Emily Mortimer naked, you know you’re getting maximum fappability. Lovely & Amazing is a delightful little comedy-drama about a group of women whose lives are not in the best spot. This includes Emily’s character, a neurotic aspiring actress who doesn’t seem to quite be able to catch her big break. She also has a nude scene, and let me tell you, it is the Emily Mortimer nude scene to end all Emily Mortimer nude scenes.

On a technical side note, I’m going to begin incorporating sound back into the videos. The one below is a rough proof of concept. Let me know in the comments or by contact form if it’s working out.

Emily Mortimer is no stranger to nudity. I’m not even going to do a full rundown of all the films in which she’s appeared naked, but I can give you some highlights instead. Coming Home, The Sleeping Dictionary and Young Adam. There we go. Those are your highlights. But you know what every single one of those nude scenes is missing? Emily Mortimer full frontal nudity. And this is why Lovely & Amazing shines in the nude scene department. For some reason, female writers seem to write the best, most gratuitous, most graphic nude scenes. This one, we have courtesy of Nicole Holofcener, and to give but one example of many, Paula Milne wrote The Night Watch, which has an admittedly slightly dodgy nude scene from Anna Wilson-Jones, what is to date the clearest Claire Foy nude scene, and of course the heavyweight champion of on-screen nudity, Anna Maxwell Martin naked in all her glory (free bush included).

I’m going to skip ahead to what is the second Emily Mortimer nude scene in Lovely & Amazing. It’s a bit surreal, if I’m being honest. She gets out of a bed that she’s sharing with Dermot Mulroney (which of us haven’t been there) and walks over to the end of the room, bare-ass naked, and turns around, putting her glorious jungle-like pubic region on show. Yes, gentlemen, we’ve got full bush. She then has our Dermot critique every part of her body. If you’re wondering how the actress might have felt about that considering her character’s body is also her own, she actually had a very interesting perspective on it, saying she was “madly in the moment. There was never less of a gap between me and the character I was playing – I was as vulnerable, as brave, as stupid, as naked, as everything. It was an incredible feeling and I felt like, ‘Oh, this is proper, and I’d like to keep doing this.’” Bless.

We also see Emily Mortimer topless in the very first scene of the movie. She’s doing a photoshoot for a magazine to promote the movie within a movie that this actress within a movie played by an actress in a movie is promoting within the movie. Or something. The photographer, who is clearly a man who has nothing but respect for the dignity of his subjects, recommends for her to open her jacket. She does so, and would you know it, the top she’s wearing underneath is completely see-through, and she’s not wearing a bra. Her nipples are about as visible as if she were wearing nothing. She notices this, looks visibly alarmed and uncomfortable and the fact that her exposed titties are going to be sitting in magazines in dentist’s offices everywhere, brings it up to the photographer, but he convinces her it’s all good.

I want to address the giant bush in the room. I know we’ve all become cynical with the onslaught of merkins that have been plaguing full frontal nude scenes as of late. Admittedly, when Lovely & Amazing came out in 2001, this trend wasn’t quite as pronounced, but they weren’t non-existent either. I want to give you all the good news. Emily Mortimer herself has confirmed that the bush is au naturel. No pubic wigs and no digital trickery played any part in this. In fact, it had become a point of conversation between her and fans. Not gonna lie, I’d certainly open with congratulating her for cultivating a bush majestic enough to talk to Moses if I ever met her in person.

Now that we’ve covered all the important science and history of the topic, enjoy Emily Mortimer naked in Lovely & Amazing below.

Rosamund Pike Naked – A Private War – Blu ray

If you’re watching a hard-hitting drama about the life, gruesome injury, and death of war correspondent Marie Colvin, you’re probably watching it to see Rosamund Pike naked. No? Just me? I’ve said time and time again how I absolutely don’t buy the official line that nude scenes are necessary for their artistic value for multiple reasons, first and foremost of which is that actresses have infinitely more nude scenes than actors, which suspiciously coincides with which demographic would be more swayed into watching a movie for the nudity (the weird stuff around Taylor Lautner in the Twilight series was an outlier). And nowhere is the tone shift from “serious art” into tits and pussy more in your face than Rosamund Pike’s scene in A Private War.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m of course eternally grateful to the producers, who incidentally include Charlize Theron, for adding in a completely unnecessary shot of Rosamund Pike’s pussy as she’s spreading her legs wide to get into a bathtub – all, by the way, filmed with that worm’s eye view that porn directors use to get the money shots – but I couldn’t help to laugh at the stark contrast to the rest of the movie. I have literally seen literal softcore pornos that avoided scenes like that because they considered them too lewd.

Before someone calls me out on misrepresenting the fappability of this Rosamund Pike nude scene, I’ll admit that the lighting is done in such a way that you can’t really make out her labia in the film as it screens. I’ll take it a step further and say that even with an elephant’s does of color correction and some tactical slow motion, whether we’re seeing her actual pussy lips or some skin-colored material that’s covering them is not completely clear. Her pubic region might have even been digitally obscured. Once again, it’s really hard to say for sure when there’s this little light in the footage.

But let’s not get bogged down in all of that when what we can all agree on is that you do see Rosamund Pike topless in A Private War. The scene starts with her sitting naked in front of a mirror while having flashbacks to dead people in war zones. It’s a very erotic film in that way. She then stands up and walks over to a tall mirror while completely nude. This mirror is a great prop because we get to see her full frontal nude from the back and get a shot of her ass at the same time. She then turns around and very kindly remains in front of the mirror while doing so, essentially giving us the 360 degree rotation of her fully naked body from two angles at the same time.

The money shot in this Rosamund Pike nude scene comes when she walks over to a bath tub with Stanley Tucci in it and proceeds to join him. But how does she join him? How does this classy, refined, serious actress climb into this bath tub? By turning her ass towards the camera and stepping into it with her inside leg first, giving us a gaping twat shot for the ages. While it’s true that this isn’t the only movie where you can see Rosamund Pike naked, I think there’s no dispute over this being the most graphic and gratuitous. If nothing else, she does get to show off her majestic bush.

If you’re looking for more Rosamund Pike nude scenes anyway, she plays another Marie, nuclear pioneer Marie Curie, in Radioactive, and out of respect to this titan of science, she prances around butt naked a bit. Art! Her breasts make a welcome appearance in the BBC series Women in Love, so if you’re a tit man, you know what to do. Sideboob in Gone Girl, if you’re easy to please. That’s pretty much the highlight reel. Drop a comment to help your fellow fappers out if I’m missing anything important. Meanwhile, here’s Rosamund Pike nude in A Private War.