Ass Nude

Ella Purnell Naked – Sweetbitter – 4K Stream

We’ve only been blessed with Ella Purnell naked once, and it was back in the Starz production Sweetbitter. Starz is, of course, known for bringing us such wellsprings of nudity as Spartacus, Outlander, and Da Vinci’s Demons. Now, before everyone gets too excited, Sweetbitter is from after this fabled era, and there are significantly fewer nude scenes in it than in any of the other shows I mentioned.

What Sweetbitter does give us, however, is something that we almost certainly won’t get to see in Fallout when it hits Amazon Prime Video in a few days. Yes, Ella Purnell will be playing the lead in the ‘Zon’s adaptation of Fallout, named Lucy MacLean. That’s the character, not the show. Now, just to be clear, it has been whispered through the grapevine that Fallout has been rated for nudity, but we got that kind of talk with The Rings of Power – another Amazon production, by the way – and we know exactly how that turned out.

But whether we will get to enjoy Ella Purnell nude in Fallout isn’t a matter of life and death since we’ve already got nudity from her in Sweetbitter. Yeah, fine, it’s not the same level of gratuitous nudity as we got in Spartacus (God, I miss that show every day), but for the cynics among us who aren’t holding their breaths for tons of tits and ass in Fallout, it is a nice fallback. And really, we got just about every angle of her minus the full frontal. Even the ass men got a taste.

One thing I will seethe about is that most of Ella Purnell’s sex scenes in Sweetbitter involved her wearing a bra. Like, seriously? Who does that? We do get a lot of great reaction shots from her. These include one scene where she’s getting her pussy eaten out while balancing plates and another wherein she’s masturbating in bed so that coomers can self-insert or something. There’s also a really goofy sex scene in which she fakes an orgasm. All of these would obviously be infinitely better if she wasn’t wearing that damned bra, but I guess we take what we’re given.

The scene in Sweetbitter in which we see Ella Purnell topless takes place in some sort of dingy spa or sauna or steamy sex dungeon which her character, Tess, visits with her colleague, Simone, played by the ethereal Caitlin FitzGerald. Tess pulls her towel off so that her breasts can enjoy the hot air. Sadly, Caitlin’s Simone does not follow suit for her own boobs, but we’ve still got Masters of Sex to fap to her in, so it’s all good. I really do hope I’ll get to eat my cynicism in a day or two and that Fallout will be bursting at the seams with nudity from Lucy MacLean, but failing that, I’m comfortable in the knowledge that I’ll always have this gallery of Ella Purnell nude.

Saoirse Ronan Naked – Foe – 4K Stream

I too thought the day would never come in which we’d get a proper look at Saoirse Ronan naked… and it still hasn’t. Yes, her nude scenes in Foe are significantly more graphic than her nude scenes with Kate Winslet in Ammonite, but even with the recent VOD release – and in 4K, at that – the Irish actress’ boobs remain either in shadow or painfully far away. Who doesn’t like a good pixel hunt, though, right?

And if you’re here to see Saoirse Ronan’s ass, I’m just gonna straight up direct you to Ammonite for that. Although she does moon the camera in one scene, only the top of her butt crack isn’t enshrouded by the pitch black of darkness. You’d be willing to put up with that? Sure, but then there’s the fact that the flash of ass lasts only a handful of frames – a literal fraction of a second – and is out of focus. Tremendous. I’m not bitter. OK, I am a little bit. I just really thought this was going to be the nude scene we’ve all been waiting for from Saoirse, but it seems like what we got sits somewhere on the border between true nudity and tease.

And speaking of tease, the amount of false starts I had watching Foe and getting ready to spunk over an amazing Saoirse Ronan nude scene that I thought had begun, only to get literally zero visible nudity, is off the charts. There are a bunch of shower scenes. Tons of them. All of them are well lit. All of them are close-up. But alas, a bit too close. In not a single shower scene do either of Saoirse’s nipples peek above the bottom of the screen. Savagery. Pure savagery.

But all that said, we do technically see Saoirse Ronan topless in Foe, and multiple times. Her face is even in the same shot in a lot of these, which is more than we can say for the only other time she’s gotten naked on screen. Of course I expected more, and it goes without saying that I wanted more, but my thirst for celeb nudity is rarely quenched, and against the backdrop of the wretched drought of nude scenes in film and television that has been affecting Hollywood over the 2010s and 2020s, this isn’t too bad a haul. Factor in that we’re talking about an actress who rarely gets naked in her movies, and suddenly this whole thing’s looking quite rosy after all.

And I know a lot of you guys have been after a Saoirse Ronan sex scene in which you don’t have to imagine that you’ve transitioned for the sake of a self-insert, so now you can imagine that you’re Paul Mescal instead. Or the modesty patch she wears on her pussy during one of the sex scenes. Whatever. Do what you gotta do. Here’s the 4K, UltraHD gallery of caps featuring all of the shots of Saoirse Ronan naked in Foe to help you along.

Heather Graham Naked – Suitable Flesh – 4K Stream

Blessed are the believers, for we get to see the gorgeous Heather Graham naked yet again. At a regal 53 years old, the Wisconsin beauty has a brand new nude scene out, this time in Shudder’s adaptation of Lovecraft’s The Thing on the Doorstep, Suitable Flesh. She’s still got it. Oh yes, she’s still got it. Sure, we’ve seen a million Heather Graham nude scenes, including her iconic nudity in Boogie Nights and Killing Me Softly, but every fapper knows that there’s no such thing as enough nudity in film and television, and given the wretched drought we’ve faced the past few years, I am absolutely over the moon at all of the A-listers getting naked on screen again this year.

The first nudity in the film is a Heather Graham sex scene in which she’s supposed to be bottomless. I say “supposed to” because not only is she still wearing a top during sex (boooo!), but if you look carefully enough, you’ll notice that she seems to be wearing modesty panties as well. I’ll be honest – at this point, I thought this movie was going to be a dud for nudity. The next nude scene comes in at a bit after 50 minutes in. In it, the character of Elizabeth Derby (kind of) is examining her breasts, as one does in this situation. “She” opens her gown and flashes each tit, one after the other. No face in the shot, though. Fortunately this gets corrected about 6 minutes later, when we get the look at Heather Graham naked that we were all waiting for – face and right boob in the same shot… multiple times!

Yes, the nudity is scant in the grand scheme of things, but it is there, and if you can’t be bothered to scrub through yourself, then I’ll save you the trouble. Enjoy the gallery of Heather Graham nude in Suitable Flesh below.

Emma Stone Nude – Poor Things – Preview

It’s Emma Stone nude in Poor Things. Yes, we’ve all been waiting for this since the news broke. In fact, we’ve all been waiting for a proper Emma Stone nude scene ever since she did her tease of a boob flash in The Favorite (or is it The Favourite?). Either way, the time has come. Mad respect to the living legend u/Honest_Persimmon_674 for this footage. If you’re ever ’round my parts, buddy, I’m buying you a beer.

If the videos aren’t loading, you may have to hit me up on Twitter/X.

And, of course, it wouldn’t be the Faptuary without a gallery. Also, is that a natural bush I’m seeing on Emma Stone’s pussy? Just sayin’, it doesn’t look like a merkin.

Elizabeth Olsen Naked – Love & Death – HD Stream

We finally got to see Elizabeth Olsen naked in Love & Death. Lord knows it took forever. Anyone who has been following the in-progress status report for the HBO Max miniseries will know that it didn’t really set us off to an inspiring start. In fact, those of you who have been keeping track very closely will have noticed that I didn’t even bother to do an update for the fourth episode. For a look behind the curtain, I didn’t even watch it when it came out. I waited for buzz, which never came.

But the buzz did come this week. Oh yes, it came. Rumors swirling. Rumors that Elizabeth Olsen had done another nude scene. We hadn’t seen Elizabeth Olsen nude since her sex scene in Oldboy an entire decade ago, and before that, we of course had the incredible-yet-tame nude scenes from Martha Marcy May Marlene. Then nothing for 10 painful years.

But we’re back with a brand new and genuine Elizabeth Olsen nude scene in the miniseries about infamous murderess Candy Montgomery, Love & Death. And what’s more, I get to make use of my favorite women-in-prison tag since the scene plays out with our Scarlett Witch getting arrested, forcibly strip searched in jail, and then forced to shower while a guard stands by. Insta-boner. It may not be the most graphic nude scene around, but we get a nice bit of sideboob, and all the ass men amongst you will also be delighted. Enjoy the gallery of Elizabeth Olsen naked in Love & Death below.