Nude Debut Nude

Ella Purnell Naked – Sweetbitter – 4K Stream

We’ve only been blessed with Ella Purnell naked once, and it was back in the Starz production Sweetbitter. Starz is, of course, known for bringing us such wellsprings of nudity as Spartacus, Outlander, and Da Vinci’s Demons. Now, before everyone gets too excited, Sweetbitter is from after this fabled era, and there are significantly fewer nude scenes in it than in any of the other shows I mentioned.

What Sweetbitter does give us, however, is something that we almost certainly won’t get to see in Fallout when it hits Amazon Prime Video in a few days. Yes, Ella Purnell will be playing the lead in the ‘Zon’s adaptation of Fallout, named Lucy MacLean. That’s the character, not the show. Now, just to be clear, it has been whispered through the grapevine that Fallout has been rated for nudity, but we got that kind of talk with The Rings of Power – another Amazon production, by the way – and we know exactly how that turned out.

But whether we will get to enjoy Ella Purnell nude in Fallout isn’t a matter of life and death since we’ve already got nudity from her in Sweetbitter. Yeah, fine, it’s not the same level of gratuitous nudity as we got in Spartacus (God, I miss that show every day), but for the cynics among us who aren’t holding their breaths for tons of tits and ass in Fallout, it is a nice fallback. And really, we got just about every angle of her minus the full frontal. Even the ass men got a taste.

One thing I will seethe about is that most of Ella Purnell’s sex scenes in Sweetbitter involved her wearing a bra. Like, seriously? Who does that? We do get a lot of great reaction shots from her. These include one scene where she’s getting her pussy eaten out while balancing plates and another wherein she’s masturbating in bed so that coomers can self-insert or something. There’s also a really goofy sex scene in which she fakes an orgasm. All of these would obviously be infinitely better if she wasn’t wearing that damned bra, but I guess we take what we’re given.

The scene in Sweetbitter in which we see Ella Purnell topless takes place in some sort of dingy spa or sauna or steamy sex dungeon which her character, Tess, visits with her colleague, Simone, played by the ethereal Caitlin FitzGerald. Tess pulls her towel off so that her breasts can enjoy the hot air. Sadly, Caitlin’s Simone does not follow suit for her own boobs, but we’ve still got Masters of Sex to fap to her in, so it’s all good. I really do hope I’ll get to eat my cynicism in a day or two and that Fallout will be bursting at the seams with nudity from Lucy MacLean, but failing that, I’m comfortable in the knowledge that I’ll always have this gallery of Ella Purnell nude.

Karen Hassan Naked – Vikings – Blu ray

Seeing Karen Hassan naked in the infamous whipping scene must be the best thing to ever come out of the History Channel. Yes, I do mean that History Channel. Those who remember their series Vikings will probably remember that it had an exceptional amount of rather graphic nudity, all the way up to full frontal. Canadian television really is in a league of its own. We never got a Karen Hassan nude scene that included full frontal nudity, and in fact, we didn’t get too many of them from her as a whole, but what we did get made a lot of guys really, really happy.

For those who have been keeping up with the franchise, and I exclude myself from that, a sequel series – Vikings: Valhalla – got picked up by Netflix and aired its first season last year. I haven’t watched it, but from what I understand, even though it does have nude scenes, there are far fewer of them and they are less graphic and gratuitous compared to the ones in the original Vikings. There’s something mildly depressing about the fact that film and television nudity has become so objectionable in the 2020s that a History Channel production from less than a decade ago seems like a Jesus Franco film by comparison. Oh well, trends are cyclical, so here’s to hoping we go back to how things used to be at some point so that this era of 4K Ultra HD isn’t wasted exclusively on close-ups of rubber penises.

The first episode of Vikings in which we got to see Karen Hassan nude was the finale of Season 3, titled The Dead. This was the Belfast beauty’s third appearance on the show, having been introduced as the character Therese, the sister-lover (Lannister vibes, anyone?) of Roland. She then goes on to enter a false relationship with her brother’s rival, which she facilitates by engaging in his BDSM fetish and getting whipped with a cat o’ nine tails in his sex dungeon.

As said earlier, we don’t actually get to see the full frontal, but there is a great shot of Karen Hassan’s ass and sideboob, so it is implied (about as heavily as is visually possible) that she is indeed completely naked during Count Odo’s floggings of her. The bad news kicks in with the fact that we are only treated to two of these, and in the second one, she is almost fully dressed. I’m talking about the one that comes in during the sixth episode of the fourth season. Therese even asks him if he wants her to get undressed, but he declines, instead opting to simply pull the back of her dress up, exposing her ass for a bit of butt punishment.

Outside of the dungeon antics, we do get to see Karen Hassan topless once more, and it’s during a sex scene with her brother in the third episode of the fourth season. Unfortunately, the lighting in this scene is even more coy than in her nude scenes that are literally set in a windowless basement, so there’s no more than a few blurry flashes of nipple to fap to. All that said, if you’ve enjoyed the Northern Irish actress’ lewd scene in Hollyoaks – the one with Lynsey Nolan’s wet shirt – this is a huge step up. Considering Vikings contained the actress’ nude debut and her only nude scenes, given how much time has passed, it seems like we may not ever get to see Karen Hassan nude again, but at least we can enjoy all three of her newly color corrected scenes from that series below.

Elizabeth Berridge Naked – The Funhouse – 4K Blu ray

There are only two films in which we get to see Elizabeth Berridge naked, and one of them is X-rated while the other is only PG. And all of this started when the young actress was only 18 years old, but I suppose that was all par for the course for the 80s. So which rating do you reckon this movie – The Funhouse – got? The genre probably gives it away, but this was the film that was banned in a couple of countries and rated X, M, 18, or equivalent in a number of others. And over what? Was it the two Elizabeth Berridge nude scenes?

I wouldn’t have thought so. You see, even though they are incredibly fappable, they are not especially graphic. First of all, they’re topless only. Not only do we not get a full frontal, but we don’t even get an ass shot. Fortunately, the size of Elizabeth Berridge’s giant tits makes up for the timid nature of the camera operator. Although now that I say that, it may have been a request on the part of the actress. When the New Yorker got naked in the PG-rated Amadeus in 1984, that too was a scene where only her big bouncing boobs were on display and nothing else.

So what’s the story with the Elizabeth Berridge nude scene at the start of The Funhouse? It’s set up in a way as to pay homage to the shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho but with significantly more nudity. Like, a lot more, even if it is topless only. But then why the over-the-top ratings? There are multiple theories. One is that censors confused it with The Last House on Dead End Street, which was far more deserving of the rating and had a similar alternate title. Another theory is that the original script played a part in the decision somehow – be it through screenings of deleted scenes or something else – which revealed a whole lot more graphic and gratuitous nudity.

We do get an Elizabeth Berridge topless sex scene later on in the film, but that one is so tame, that it makes the shower scene looks like a hardcore porno. And other nudity? Well, a peep show features at one point wherein the protagonists watch a trio of strippers dance around with nipple tassels, but I suspect that’s not it either. Violence? Nothing to bat an eye at. It’ll clearly remain a mystery, but for my part, I care about only one thing, which is that the film got a 4K release, which means we get quadruple the amount of pixels to enjoy Elizabeth Berridge nude in The Funhouse with.

Vera Jordanova Naked – Hostel: Part II – Blu ray

Right here we have the only footage in existence of Vera Jordanova naked. Or is it? I’d like to tell you that what I mean is that I have leads on some obscure European films or TV series that have more nudity from the Helsinki-born Bulgarian model, but as it happens, the reality is in the other direction. OK, so then how much of Vera’s incredible body do we actually see naked in the Hostel sequel? The answer is more than casual enjoyers of nude scenes think but less than most connoisseurs of celebrity nudity realize.

Fellow travelers and people focused more on the movies than the nudity within them are split between those than that “know” (more on that in a bit) that we see Vera Jordanova nude in Hostel: Part II and those that think that the scene cuts before the money shot. The latter are wrong. If you scrub through frame by frame, as you can see on this page, we do see both of the character Axelle’s nipples. However, the former category of people are wrong in their own way.

We do not get to see quite as much of Vera Jordanova nude as these screenshots let on. The first thing I noticed while editing is that the area around her crotch seems to be blurred more than the rest of the shot. I’m not sure why. I suspect that there is a different cut wherein she flashes her pussy, the editors wanted those details softened or removed, those frames got cut, but the censorship remained. That’s just a guess, but that’s not what this bit is about anyway. No, I’m talking about her nipples. I’ve always thought that their irregular placement was natural, which I don’t mind. Nothing I love more than a natural pair of titties, warts and all. The clue should have been the visible discoloration around where they should be. That’s right. It’s been confirmed that she was wearing some sort of pasties over her nips, and the ones we see on screen have been digitally added in post. Bummer.

The Vera Jordanova bikini scene at the hot springs later in the movie is legit, though, and to be fair, other than her CGI or composited nipples, the rest of her boobs are on show, so it ain’t too bad. Just need to use a bit more imagination. But if that puts you off the movie, don’t let it, because Heather Matarazzo has a long and graphic (and somewhat disturbing) nude scene in Hostel: Part II that has been confirmed as being all her au naturel. Lauren German doesn’t have any nude scenes in the film, which surprised no one, and neither does Bijou Phillips, which surprised everyone who has seen her in any of her other roles. Eli Roth films seem quite chaotic on nudity, so it is what it is, I suppose. You’ll definitely be seeing more of Heather here soon, but in the meantime, enjoy Vera Jordanova nude (kind of) in Hostel: Part II.

Perdita Weeks Naked – Flight of the Storks – Blu ray

In celebration of the recent resurrection of Magnum P.I., I’m happy to present a project I started a while back: the scenes featuring Perdita Weeks naked in Flight of the Storks. What’s the connection? None whatsoever. But our chances of seeing the Welsh actress nude in Magnum P.I. are about zero-to-none, so naturally, we must look elsewhere. As it happens, there is only one place to look. Yes, it’s one of those. The actress seems to drag the dreaded no-nudity policy wherever she goes and whatever she acts in, but there is one and only one feature in which we get to enjoy a Perdita Weeks nude scene, and it’s this one.

As for Magnum P.I., for those that haven’t heard some recent news, the show was cancelled by CBS after four very successful seasons. And for those who haven’t heard some slightly more recent news, it was picked up by NBC after its cancellation for a further two seasons. And for those who haven’t heard the most recent news, Season 5 of Magnum P.I. aired on NBC on Sunday, February 19. How much Perdita Weeks bikini footage it will give use to gawk at as her character Juliet Higgins galivants around the scenic locations of Hawaii, as MI6 operatives are known to do, we may never know.

What we do know, however, is that we can enjoy Perdita Weeks nude in Flight of the Storks, a film that seems to have slipped under quite a lot of folks’ radars. In that movie, she plays an Israeli… something. You know, I don’t actually remember what her role was. It seems like she appears for a bit, spends a few days having sex with the main character, and then disappears again. It’s like some benevolent deity knew that she’d never do a nude scene and decided to just bless us with one because we’ve all suffered too much in this cruel world already.

I mean, you would have thought we’d at least have gotten to see Perdita Weeks topless in The Tudors, right? Who the hell didn’t get naked in that. We got some Tamzin Merchant nude scenes there, which we recently discussed when we covered her two nude scenes in the first season of Carnival Row. We got to see Natalie Dormer nude in The Tudors as well, and for the very first time too. And yet nothing from our Cardiff girl.

I imagine the more-than-four-minute-long Perdita Weeks sex scene came as a surprise to people when Flight of the Storks came out back in 2013, but to be fair, it’s an even bigger surprise to us now in retrospect, given how it was preceded by a long era of no nudity and succeeded by the same. Weird. Weird, but not bad. Certainly better than nothing, which is likely what we’ll get from here on out, although I’m happy to be proven wrong in the years to come. Who knows, maybe Magnum P.I. will have a full episode of Juliet Higgins and Thomas Magnum fucking in some demented Hawaiian beach orgy. NBC have a reputation for graphic and gratuitous nudity, right? Until that fateful day happens, we can stick to enjoying Perdita Weeks nude in Flight of the Storks.