NET Nude Scenes in Film and Television

Willa Ford and America Olivo Nude – Friday the 13th – Blu ray

America Olivo Nude and Willa Ford Nude
This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: December 16, 2012

In the previous post – the one where I introduced the film and put up Julianna Guill’s killer sex scene – you may remember I referred to the new Friday the 13th as being as much a porno-lite as any other film in the series. I actually take that back now. A better descriptor would be “even more of a porno-lite”. The casting director in this one didn’t even bother looking for struggling actresses desperate for their big breaks. Instead, he took the two secondary nude scenes straight out of Playboy magazine.

America Olivo – Playboy magazine, June 2009. Near the beginning of the movie, the writers give us the iconic campfire scene. You know the one. First the ominous scary story, then the campers split up, then the boobies come out, then someone gets an organ massage with a machete. The boobies in this case belong to singer, actress and quasi-pornstress, America Olivo. Sadly, there’s a little too much silicone for my liking, but the film placates fake boob detractors by giving us a lesson on the wonders of GPS technology throughout the scene. Good choice, writers. Can you imagine how much less sense it would have made if the monologue was about fluorescent lighting or, God forbid, semi-conductors? I shudder at the very thought.

Willa Ford – Playboy magazine, March 2006. I actually have mixed feelings about this nude scene. On one hand, it fulfils the trifecta of douchbaggery – containing a flashy boat, wakeboarding, and a frat boy yelling “WAOHOOO!”. On the other hand, the wakeboarder is a naked girl and the frat boy dies, so I suppose it redeems itself. Anyway, the caps and clips for both scenes are below. Sorry about the choppy editing in the Willa Ford video. I had to cut out a lot of non-nude parts to keep the file reasonably sized.

Debi Sue Voorhees and Juliette Cummins Nude – Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning

Debi Sue Voorhees Nude and Juliette Commins Nude
This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: December 11, 2012

I miss the 80s, back when federal law mandated that no less than 3 out of every 7 female characters appear nude in every film. In this particular film, we have such appearances from Debi Sue Voorhees (actual name), Juliette Cummins (actual name) and Debra Wood (actual name). Of course, I’m talking about Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, a cross between every other Jason film and the crayon scribblings from the coloring book of Agatha Christie’s mentally handicapped younger brother. The movie is indeed a whodunnit, and to its credit, I have to admit that the conclusion, the Scooby-Doo-esque unmasking of the assailant, did surprise me. I honestly expected the killer to turn out to be the 12-year-old, sassy black kid.

This film is also pretty educational. Apart from teaching me that dead bodies still breathe, it also taught me a thing or two about survival. Twice in the movie, characters go to take a shit, and both times, they don’t wipe after finishing. They just pull their pants right up. Within seconds, Jason appears to butcher them. Similarly, every nude scene that occurs is a harbinger of our masked killer and the blood in his wake. Coincidence? I think not! So remember kids, if you don’t want to summon a psychotic serial killer, never undress for strangers and always wipe your poo-pipe.

All in all, it’s a fun film to watch with some buddies and a few beers. Definitely beats anything crapped out by Judd Apatow, at least. Caps and clips of two of the scenes are below, and the exclusive gif is on the official Tumblr. The third scene wasn’t long enough to warrant a video. Sadly, no blu-ray has been released, so all I’ve got to work with is low-res. But fear not, for coming up next, I’ll be covering the many nude scenes from 2009′s reboot of the series, and yes, those will be HD.

Michelle Williams Nude – Take This Waltz – Blu ray

Michelle Williams Nude
This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: December 7, 2012

I didn’t cover this the first (or second, for that matter) time I wrote about Sarah Polley’s Take This Waltz because all of the hoopla back then was over the shower scene featuring full-frontal nudity from Sarah Silverman, but there’s actually another major nude scene in the film, this time featuring Michelle Williams. I guess there’s a bitter kind of irony behind a minor character’s screen time getting more publicity than the lead’s, but that’s pretty much the story of Michelle Williams’ career.

…and God knows that’s unfair. If this movie has shown as anything between the baby talk, awkward social interactions and chicken metaphors, it’s that Michelle Williams has more than enough thespian prowess to carry a film on her own. It’s also shown us an unholy amount of full-frontal nudity – some that we wanted to see, and some that we didn’t – which I’d already commented on being odd considering the writer/director was a woman. I mean, Hollywood types have been consistently saying that nudity in film is “artistic”, but I’d always just assumed it was an excuse to give lonely bastards a reason to get to the theaters.

In any event, there you have it – yet another glorious nude scene from Michelle Williams to add to the mountainous pile of same. The clip isn’t particularly long, but you’ll find it and the rest of the caps below, in 1080p resolution captured from the blu-ray, and the GIFs on Tumblr. Fap on.

Sarah Silverman Nude – Take This Waltz – Blu ray

Sarah Silverman Nude
This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: November 21, 2012

It’s been a long journey since news first came out that Sarah Silverman had done her first ever nude scene, but now the wait is over. Take This Waltz has finally been released in blu-ray format. We can now enjoy every single pubic hair in stunning high definition. Now, I’m not saying this movie is bad – it’s pretty good, in fact – but the truth is that most of the press it got when it came out was around this scene right here. Sarah Silverman bare-ass naked in a gym shower.

With this much gratuitous nudity, you could be surprised to hear that the director is actually a woman. However, these carefully selected caps I’ve put up can be a bit misleading. In the actual scene, director Sarah Polley constantly reminds us of the non-sexual intent behind it by switching the camera back and forth between Sarah Silverman’s group and the old, wrinkly, overweight group in the next stall over. On one hand, it’s a bit of a boner-shrinker, but on the other hand, I have to give it to Sarah Polley for the realism, cold and painful as it may be.

If you have eyes, you’ll probably also have noticed that Michelle Williams is in this scene too. Yes, lovely Michelle Williams who’s naked in every damn movie she’s in. She actually has another full-frontal nude scene in this film, but I’ll get to that in the next post. For now, you can enjoy the caps and clips from this scene below. I’ve made an effort to leave the naked grannies out of the caps, but consider the clip uncharted territory. You’ve been warned.

Lindsay Lohan and Alicia Marek Nude – Machete – Blu ray

Lindsay Lohan and Alicia Marek Nude
This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: November 3, 2012

In part two of this three part special, we’ll take a very close look at the theatrical stylings of Lindsay Lohan. And when I say theatrical stylings, I’m of course talking about her tits. Indeed, the Lohan has been rather camera-shy when it comes to nudity. With most of the past decade lost on waiting for leaked picture like the ones that burned half of Disney’s line-up, Lindsay Lohan finally did a proper nude photo shoot for Playboy, mirroring Marilyn Monroe’s one.

Before the Playboy shoot and after all her legal troubles, court dates and jail time, though, Lindsay Lohan was in Machete, in which she had a nude scene. Now, the reason this went over most people’s heads is because it was reported early on that the movie contains a nude scene featuring Lohan’s body double. You can see a screencap of that below, alongside Alicia Marek who inexplicably plays the mother of someone only a decade younger than her.

The scene featured here, however, is Lindsay Lohan au naturel. At first it looks like her hair is covering the goods, but if you look really, really closely, it sways out of the way enough times that you can confirm she’s not wearing any sort of nude bra or even pasties. Clip and caps below. Enjoy.