Where were you when you first saw Alexandra Daddario naked? That’s not a rhetorical question. Think about it. Try and remember. Maybe it was back in 2014. You watched the first season of True Detective on HBO. The first episode comes and goes, but there is no nudity from any of the main characters. Naked extras is fine, but that’s not what tickles you pink. No, you want to see nude scenes from those familiar names and familiar faces. You watch the second episode. You’d heard rumors that there was going to be a bona fide (or even bonerfied) Alexandra Daddario nude scene. You were suspicious. Of course you were. You had never seen Alexandra Daddario’s boobs, and God knows you had tried time and time to find images or video of them.
Alexandra Daddario’s breasts might even not exist, you thought. At the very least, there was no evidence that her nipples did. You watched her in those Percy Jackson movies, but being a series geared at teens or families or whatever the hell the point of it was, you never got to see her character Annabeth Chase nude. You cursed the powers-that-be in Hollywood for robbing you of that pleasure as your balls grew bluer and bluer. You needed to fap to Alexandra Daddario nude pics, but no one was making it happen. How could the film and television industry be so cruel? How could life be so cruel? But then you heard news that perked your pecker up like the head of rodent when a raptor’s cry is heard overhead…
We were going to see Alexandra Daddario nude in Texas Chainsaw 3D. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies are filled with tits and ass, nudity as far as the eye can see, erect nipples protruding out of every surface – bras, shirts, cardboard, steel girders, tungsten monoliths, everything! So obviously – OBVIOUSLY – the one Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie with your favorite actress in the lead role is the one that happens to have not even the tiniest sliver of fucking nudity. Maybe in the years to come, you even read the rumors all over the internet that Alex offered to do the bondage scene where she is tied up topless. You may or may not be into BDSM, but Alexandra’s bare breasts swaying back and forth while her arms are tied over her head would be better fap material than any Playboy issue, even if it featured nothing but the strikingly blue-eyed actress naked from cover to cover.
But alas, you did not get to see Alexandra Daddario topless, not even a glimpse at her exposed ass, in Texas Chainsaw 3D. Maybe you heard as part of the rumors that the nudity decision was vetoed by the film’s director, John Luessenhop. Is that true? Is that untrue? Who fucking knows. One thing we do know is that if nothing else, Luessenhop has spoken at great length about the entire production team’s extensive fetishization of Alexandra Daddario’s belly. Not that he calls it that. No, in the interview, he consistently refers to it as her “stomach” – not only an oddly clinical term, but also not strictly a correct one, referring to her internal organ instead. Maybe John-boy’s spent too much time directing films about serial killers. Incidentally, Texas Chainsaw 3D was the very last film he directed, so maybe he felt the same. Or maybe it was true that he axed the fabled Alexandra Daddario nude scene that was not to be and was never given work again as a result. So much intrigue.
At this stage, you felt that you will never get a look at the mystical but unachievable Alexandra Daddario pussy. I mean, you can’t see her boob, her nip, a private sextape is obviously out of the question, so it is clearly wholly out of the question that you will ever see any part of Alexandra Daddario’s goddess-like body. You resigned yourself to your fate. Maybe that was your spunk-crusted Japanese anime love doll or maybe you fapped to other nude scenes… maybe you even spent some time with your wife or girlfriend. Maybe your relationship even improved without the dark specter of Alexandra Daddario’s eyes – as blue as she makes men’s balls – constantly luring you in for a fap that can never be completed, like a siren’s call to the murky waters where tits are invisible and so is everything else that doesn’t fit into Millennium Films’ “stomach” fetish. But that was to change…
You heard that very soon, we would all finally have those Alexandra Daddario nudes that we’ve craved so hard, not through the benevolence of some fake porn director, but through HBO, who as we know, never let us down with nude scene from Game of Thrones or True Blood. I mean, they totally did, but never in the first season. The first seasons were always Fap City. And Alex was going to be in the first season of HBO’s newest show, True Detective. But wait. You’d been burned before. Was this going to be Texas Chainsaw 3D all over again? You were cautious. Not dismissive, but cautious. You watched the first episode. No nude scenes that you were waiting for. You watched the second episode…
And there it was – a real, proper, true-to-form Alexandra Dadario nude scene. And what a nude scene it was. Not even the Jennifer Lawrence Fappening leaks that opened the floodgates of that phenomenon could overtake the True Detective nude scene as the internet’s favorite piece of celeb nudity. From that very first moment, when her shirt passes over the threshold of her diamond-hard nips, allowing her beautiful breasts to breathe free, unrestrained by the burden of wretched textiles, all the way to the last shot of the scene, when she’s bent over in nothing but a top, lower half completely naked, with Woody Harrelson sniffing or licking out her asshole or whatever the hell he was doing back there while Alex had that predatory expression on her face.
We were even graced with the very first Alexandra Daddario sex scene in that same episode. You mashed furiously as Alex rubbed her completely naked body all over Woody’s woody (and mercifully clothed body). She was even thankful for your efforts, having said in an interview that she finds the attention that fappers have given her scene “very flattering.” That’s right. Alex noticed you. No, not just anyone. Alexandra Daddario noticed you, Mike. She did tell MTV that it was a “huge challenge,” so I hope you’re appreciative of her sacrifice, Mike.
Was that the last time we saw the 8th and 9th wonders of the world that are the fabled Alexandra Daddario tits? Thankfully not. The New York native has done a number of other nude scenes in the years that followed, but have any of them measured up? Your opinion may or may not differ to mine, but my stance is that none of the other have. The True Detective nude scene is one that will live forever in the annals of history as a watershed moment in television nudity. Unfortunately, that high has not been outdone by any of her other efforts, which have been significantly more tame. But hey, she’s young, so there’s time. Now it’s time to unload to what is – as I write – hopefully the clearest, crispest screen captures of Alexandra Daddario naked in True Detective available anywhere.
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