1980s Nude Scenes in Film and Television - Page 2

Demi Moore Naked – Blame It on Rio – Blu ray

Demi Moore naked in Blame It on Rio almost evokes the same vibe as the other nude scene in Under The Skin. You know the one I mean. The one that everyone forgets because it got overshadowed by the one and only nude scene Scarlett Johansson has ever done. Similarly here, the movie offers us Demi Moore nude for the first time ever, and how do we repay it? We spend the next nearly four decades obsessing with Michelle Johnson’s nude scenes in the movie.

There seems to be a misconception out there that the first ever Demi Moore nude scene was in No Small Affair, in which she flashes nips a few times during a sex scene with Jon Cryer (which may or may not have led to Jon losing his virginity). I’m not sure what this controversy over which is the real nude debut is based on since IMDB has Blame It on Rio’s earliest release as February 17, 1984 and No Small Affair’s as November 9, 1984. It probably has to do with the aforementioned fact that everyone forgets that we even got Demi Moore naked in Blame It on Rio at all.

You also can’t ever talk about Demi Moore nude without bringing up her era-defining nudity in Striptease. I’m just going to go ahead and point out the obvious, which is that Striptease came out and was filmed just after Demi Moore got that awful boob job, and no matter how much she denies having fake tits, we all have functioning eyes. What that means is that even though Striptease is, as no one can deny, the home of Demi Moore’s thematically best nude scenes, Blame It on Rio has her looking at her finest, all natural, well lit and fully in view (minus some pesky hair covering her nips a fair bit).

So you’ve got Demi Moore topless at her peak in Blame It on Rio, walking seductively toward the camera and two older men – an interesting role reversal considering her dating habits of the last two decades. She then stands there like a mannequin while Michelle Johnson and her gigantic breasts converse with the two guys, before they (the girls, not the gigantic breasts) grab one of the men and drag him into the ocean, splashing around topless and happy as they ritually drown him in sacrifice to Poseidon. Wait, I might be mixing up movies. I think that last bit was from Care Bears: Unlock the Magic. Anyway, buckle up, scroll down, and enjoy Demi Moore naked in Blame It on Rio.

Suzanna Hamilton Naked – Nineteen Eighty-Four – Blu ray

Even though her career never quite managed to reach superstar status, I still view Suzanna Hamilton naked in Nineteen Eighty-Four as one of the defining moments of the 80s. This post is a shoutout to Space Cowboy, who hooked me up with some really goddamn impressive rare footage, which I can’t wait to process and post (more on that later). I did a fair bit more color correction on this one to push the limits of maximum fappability. The tightrope of color correction gets narrower the further you get, leaving you balancing between crisp, clear, light footage and that which is (relatively) free of both artifacts and wash-out of subtler details that get wiped when you’re too aggressive with grain removal. Pubes fall victim to the last issue most harshly, which is really unfortunate when you’ve got a full bush as majestic as the one this English rose is rocking.

“Can I have more uninteresting technical details, Fapsmith?” Of course you can, but no one else wants to read that, so I’ll waffle on around that topic no more. The only thing else I’ll say on it is the following. The source I used for this post is the newly remastered blu ray of Nineteen Eighty-Four. Without being too much of a Negative Nancy, I didn’t feel that this remaster gave us leagues of progress over what came before it. Personally, I think the digitization is suboptimal, which is strange considering I’m certain this movie was shot on quality film back in the 80s, so there should be no excuses like “the CMOS sensor was a bit crap.”

But you know, I really wanted to enjoy what I consider the best Suzanna Hamilton nude scene by far as best I could, so I worked with what was available. The remaster is better that its predecessor, even if it’s not by a country mile, so that certainly gives me a leg up in the process. The rest of it was just days of fine tuning. I feel like I have ended at the place where the tits and ass (or rather, tits and bush in this case) are of pretty damn good quality and the only significant artifacts and distortions are in the backgrounds. If I was working on a proper, serious restoration project, I could have cleaned all of that out too, but I can’t be bothered and no one’s fapping to the dirty wallpaper behind Suzanna Hamilton’s nude body anyway.

The only part of Suzanna Hamilton nude that may have taken a teeny, tiny bit of damage in the “correction” process is her regally leonine 80s bush. I assure you this is not by choice, and to prevent this would take me an exceptionally long time (though I’m not ruling out doing it if there is enough demand for it). The very short version of a very long story is that a degree of grain needs to be smoothed out for the details to be sharpened in way that doesn’t create hideous artifacts all over the place. I know it sounds like I’m just destroying detail to create detail, but believe me when I say the end result is a significant improvement in that department. Except for with pubic hair.

Yes, I did try my best to maintain the glory of the Suzanna Hamilton full frontal nude scene with as much of the original as possible, and if I may be so bold as to say, I think I did a passable job on the bush, but I won’t deny that some detail was lost in the process. If there is, once again, demand, I could release a complementary version of the work with scaled back, pube-preserving color correction, but y’all will just have to let me know if that’s what you want. If you want to build up some more public support on the matter, you can also leave a comment on this post or, of course, twat me at you-know-where.

So much for my promise to stick to talking about Suzanna Hamilton naked and not waffle too much about the technical aspects. Oh well. OK, so what do we have? Suzanna Hamilton gets nude in Nineteen Eighty-Four a lot. She plays Julie, who is a sex criminal (their term, not mine), so naturally this means there has to be tons and tons of nudity. The onslaught of Suzanna Hamilton nude scenes had nothing at all to do with selling tickets and home media, though. It was totally a completely artistic decision, which is why John Hurt’s dick has just as much screen time.

The first time we see Suzanna Hamilton naked is when she undresses out in a field. She’s wearing no bra or panties, so when she takes her dress-overalls-hybrid thing off, everything is on show. Yes, that includes the full bush. And who doesn’t enjoy a bit of public nudity. The rest of her nude scenes take place in a dingy room, which is apparently the most erotic site in the world of Airstrip One. She just kind of wanders around completely naked a lot (legendary). She also gets arrested while completely nude and beaten with a baton while completely nude. Yeah, it gets kinda dark toward the end. Anyway, do enjoy the painstakingly cleaned up screen captures of Suzanna Hamilton nude from Nineteen Eighty-Four below.

Barbi Benton Naked – Hospital Massacre – 4K Blu ray

Barbi Benton naked in the 70s and 80s sits right up there with the tides and the stars in the sky as things that were reliable and frequent. If you are 90 years old and used to buy Playboy Magazine, you would have have seen Hugh Hefner’s one-time girlfriend in it many times, in addition to appearances in other Playboy media, like Playboy After Dark. But enough about ancient media. Let’s talk about something new and modern that all the cool young folks are into – Hee Haw. Barbi Benton was also in that as a comedienne. And then she was a country singer or something. My understanding is that she used to get bare ass naked on stage and spread her legs during live shows while people took polaroids. It was either her or Willie Nelson. I always forget.

Yes, it’s true that we could get peeks of Barbi Benton nude in half the careers she had, but as you all know, I’m a connoisseur of film and television. For that reason, today we’re going to be looking at her nude scene in a film called Hospital Massacre, also known as X-Ray, also known as Be My Valentine, or Else…, also known as Ward 13, and uniquely marketed as Jonas Brothers: An Erotic Adventure in Tajikistan.

So in what context do we get to see Barbi Benton nude in Hospital Massacre? Well, it’s very simple. She goes to a giant hospital for a routine check-up following signing up for new health insurance. As is perfectly normal in these kinds of situations, she runs into a doctor that can’t sign off her papers unless she gets naked so he can examine her again. I honestly don’t know why getting naked had to be part of it, but that’s possibly the least nonsensical thing about the movie. At least one can infer the motive, both on the part of the fictional voyeuristic doctor and on the shameless film producers who would do anything to sell tickets… and God love them for it.

So after we’re treated to a slow reveal of Barbi Benton topless, she gets groped around a bit while sitting on an examination table with her giant puffy nipples on show. Then the doctor asks her to lay down on the examination table, tits up, and more fondling happens while her majestic breasts remain firm like only a pair of 80s boobs can. A janitor watches all of this through a window. He even gets spotted by a nurse who tells him off and then carries on on her merry way, leaving him to beat off to the spectacle, his face clearly visible through the door. It was a different time. The shot with the doctor’s hands around her throat ends this scene, and then the movie goes back to having nothing going for it.

I was almost surprised that it didn’t end up evolving to a Barbi Benton sex scene, but then I remember that this movie isn’t a porno, not that you could have guessed that from the level of acting. If you want to see Barbi Benton naked elsewhere, Deathstalker is your best bet, though her nude scenes in that one will be overshadowed by those of the great Lana Clarkson, who always made sure that all the sword and sandal features she was in had copious amounts of nudity, but that’s a story for another post. Enjoy Barbi Benton naked in Hospital Massacre below.