Faptuary - Celebrity nude scenes, high definition media and bad decisions - Page 23

Florence Welch Naked – The Odyssey – HD Stream

Perhaps having a post about Florence Welch naked is a bit out of character for the Faptuary, but to be fair, I have been branching out a bit, like when I posted the most important moment of Holly Willoughby’s career some time back. This is kind of like that. Like, I’m sure most of you have been in the situation where you’re driving, here a song come on the radio, and say to yourself, “Man, I wish I knew what that singer’s boobs looked like.” Usually those questions go unanswered because unlike actresses, musicians don’t need to get their tits out in music videos…

Unless you’re the lead singer of Florence and the Machine. Yes, it’s true. Their music videos feature shots of Florence Welch nude. I think this kind of thing should take off. God knows music videos have become a bit passé now. The once proud MTV has managed to dip even below its already shite reputation of a channel for lame reality shows to becoming merely a memory that boomers talk about when they’re in the stage of their complaint cycle where they talk about how much greater things used to be. The other stage of their complaint cycle, of course, is talking about how much greater things are now, during which they’ll bring up music videos on demand via YouTube. Yet even YouTube is becoming old-fashioned to zoomers, whose ADHD has reached levels that were previously not believed possible.

Filling music videos with shots of Florence Welch nude could just be the injection of life that the industry needs to bring the medium back to its old splendor. Now, you may be confused as to why this post is about The Odyssey when in fact there is no song of that name by Florence and the Machine. So just to clarify, The Odyssey is a short film that creates a sort of overarching story across five of the band’s songs, namely “What Kind of Man,” “St. Jude,” “Delilah,” “Ship to Wreck,” and “Queen of Peace.” I appreciate that I would normally do a post per feature, but even though these are separate music videos, the clips are so short and spread out, that it would just be silly to do it that way, so I’m treating The Odyssey as a whole. Speaking of which, the full short is available on YouTube if you feel that you would fap to the Florence Welch nude shots better with audio.

There isn’t a high volume of full on shots of Florence Welch naked, but the music video/short movie does have plenty of lewd moments. Those who are aware of Florence and the Machine know that Florence Welch does like to display her diamond hard nipples through her tops as often as she can. So even when there is no nudity in The Odyssey, we get second best. Strangely enough, other than some rumblings at Coachella – and I mean Florence Welch stripping off, not breaking her foot – she is surprisingly dressed in her stage performances. You’d expect, with how lewd this round of music videos is, that she’d do a sort of Courtney-Love-naked-on-stage thing, but sadly not. Maybe soon.

I do want to say, lest anyone should get any false hope, there is no full frontal nudity in The Odyssey, but we do see Florence Welch topless on a few occasions. In one, a man is nuzzling her breasts with his face. In another, she’s lying on her back on a bed but tilted toward the camera for… reasons. Then there are a few moments when there’s sideboob visible, and maybe you’re not quite sure whether you’re seeing a nip or not, but if you freeze frame it at the right time, you definitely are seeing nips. Admittedly, the shots would be better if the angle was more toward the front, but as a long-time sideboob aficionado, I can’t say I disapprove. To not have too lean a post, I’ve padded some lewd shots along with the Florence Welch nude frames below.

Eileen Walsh Naked – The Magdalene Sisters – HD Stream

With a career trajectory like she’s had, one wouldn’t expect there to be any scenes in existence with Eileen Walsh naked. And if one entertained the possibility, surely the last thing you would imagine is a scene of her standing completely nude, with her full bush on display, well lit, fully on show, alongside a bevy of other nude women. For this blessing, we have to thank Peter Mullan for writing and directing what is perhaps the most highbrow women in prison film in cinematic history, The Magdalene Sisters.

Now, I might be burying the lede somewhat with that description. The very obvious overabundance of nuns could also classify it as a nunsploitation film. Searching for intent is a losing game since the director certainly didn’t desire either of those descriptors. Nonetheless, the tropes are there. We’ve got sadistic people in charge of the institution where our protagonists are incarcerated, women and girls who should not be there but find themselves there anyway, gratuitous nudity involving humiliation and in groups – the tropes are all present. Whether you ascribe those more to the nunsploitation genre or the women in prison camp is, I suppose, up to you, but it is probably safe to say that both elements are prevalent.

So under what circumstances do we get to see Eileen Walsh nude in The Magdalene Sisters? Well, the whole thing is a bit dark, to be honest. The Irish actress plays the role of Crispina, a woman with what is very heavily implied to be a learning disability who ends up having a child out of wedlock. In 1960s Catholic Ireland, this is viewed as being ever-so-slightly undesirable, so she gets shipped off to an institute run by the Catholic church, where to atone for her sins and ensure entry into heaven, she does laundry and occasionally gets forced to suck the priest’s dick. No, that last part wasn’t an off-color joke on my part.

The full frontal nudity we get from Eileen Walsh happens over the span of about two-and-a-half minutes during a scene where the girls are, for a reason that was never really established (or that I was too zoned out to catch), being punished by being forced to stand in a line completely naked while the nuns make comments about their private parts. Crispina has to get told multiple times to move her hands away from her hairy pussy, which she does so dutifully and in full view of the camera. Bless. Her bravery pays off because the nuns award her (SPOILER ALERT!) the prize for the hairiest beaver on the spot. Although she certainly deserves it, sporting a regal au naturel bush of the finest standard (and no merkin trickery either), the character is distraught by this. In fact, the whole group of inmates find themselves quite distraught. Must be something to do with the forced nudity, sadistic public humiliation, and Ireland’s abysmal performance in the Olympics that year. Stay strong, Emerald Isle.

So there we have it – the only Eileen Walsh nude scene in existence, and depending on your perspective and proclivities, it’s either extremely unerotic or extremely erotic. If you find yourself in the former camp, boy do I have good news for you. Below are all the best screen captures, lovingly selected from the movie, so that you can have your fap without being disrupted by silly little stressors like context. If you look a few pixels to the left and right of her in the images, you will find that Eileen Walsh is flanked by a number of other fully nude actresses, including Dorothy Duffy, Nora-Jane Noone, and Anne-Marie Duff. If you think the screenshot selection and watermark placement is a bit disruptive to your abilities to fap to them properly, stop, roll it back, and check out their individual posts. Fapsmith takes every nude scene very seriously, and all those posts are designed for maximum fappability to that specific actress. Fap on, friends.

Mariana Novak Naked – The Penal Colony – HD Stream

If you watched the new fourth season of Stranger Things this past week, you probably wanted to see Mariana Novak naked, even if it was only subconscious. The actress has a small role in the seventh episode as a nurse in the infirmary where Eleven and the other members of Junior Slipknot practice their superpowers. Although her character is not named beyond quite literally “Hawkins Infirmary Nurse”, she does have spoken lines, but most of all, I found myself captivated by her radiant beauty. As is always the case in situations such as these, my next move was to go onto Google Images and search for “mariana novak nude”.

I did indeed get a number of images of Mariana Novak nude. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the offerings, though. It’s nothing to do with the actress, of course. No, she is absolutely stunning. But the only Mariana Novak nude scenes available don’t offer quite the right arrangement of pixels to have an amazing fap to. She had a nude scene in Ozark, but even if you put aside how dark it is, the camera is mostly behind her, catching only a little bit of sideboob. Not enough for a seasoned fapper. The only other option is her nude scene in The Penal Colony. The camera is coming in from the right direction and there is plenty of full frontal nudity. The only problem is that it’s quite dark. Since I’m never one to back down from a challenge, I viewed it as my duty to color correct it to maximum fappability, and here we are.

We see Mariana Novak nude in The Penal Colony, where she plays Nadezhda Tolokonnikova from the Russian band Pussy Riot. Called Nadya in the short, it’s a clipped bio of the activist and her time in a Russian women’s prison. The film details a number of the abuses she experienced as well as those she witnessed, one of which was the prominent scene where a fellow inmate is forced to strip and work completely naked for falling behind. The Mariana Novak nude scene we get is as part of a group shower scene. It includes, as previously mentioned, full frontal nudity, and from Mariana, that means tits, trimmed pubic hair, and even visible labia. The full short is available to watch on the filmmaker’s Vimeo.

Suzanna Hamilton Naked – Nineteen Eighty-Four – Blu ray

Even though her career never quite managed to reach superstar status, I still view Suzanna Hamilton naked in Nineteen Eighty-Four as one of the defining moments of the 80s. This post is a shoutout to Space Cowboy, who hooked me up with some really goddamn impressive rare footage, which I can’t wait to process and post (more on that later). I did a fair bit more color correction on this one to push the limits of maximum fappability. The tightrope of color correction gets narrower the further you get, leaving you balancing between crisp, clear, light footage and that which is (relatively) free of both artifacts and wash-out of subtler details that get wiped when you’re too aggressive with grain removal. Pubes fall victim to the last issue most harshly, which is really unfortunate when you’ve got a full bush as majestic as the one this English rose is rocking.

“Can I have more uninteresting technical details, Fapsmith?” Of course you can, but no one else wants to read that, so I’ll waffle on around that topic no more. The only thing else I’ll say on it is the following. The source I used for this post is the newly remastered blu ray of Nineteen Eighty-Four. Without being too much of a Negative Nancy, I didn’t feel that this remaster gave us leagues of progress over what came before it. Personally, I think the digitization is suboptimal, which is strange considering I’m certain this movie was shot on quality film back in the 80s, so there should be no excuses like “the CMOS sensor was a bit crap.”

But you know, I really wanted to enjoy what I consider the best Suzanna Hamilton nude scene by far as best I could, so I worked with what was available. The remaster is better that its predecessor, even if it’s not by a country mile, so that certainly gives me a leg up in the process. The rest of it was just days of fine tuning. I feel like I have ended at the place where the tits and ass (or rather, tits and bush in this case) are of pretty damn good quality and the only significant artifacts and distortions are in the backgrounds. If I was working on a proper, serious restoration project, I could have cleaned all of that out too, but I can’t be bothered and no one’s fapping to the dirty wallpaper behind Suzanna Hamilton’s nude body anyway.

The only part of Suzanna Hamilton nude that may have taken a teeny, tiny bit of damage in the “correction” process is her regally leonine 80s bush. I assure you this is not by choice, and to prevent this would take me an exceptionally long time (though I’m not ruling out doing it if there is enough demand for it). The very short version of a very long story is that a degree of grain needs to be smoothed out for the details to be sharpened in way that doesn’t create hideous artifacts all over the place. I know it sounds like I’m just destroying detail to create detail, but believe me when I say the end result is a significant improvement in that department. Except for with pubic hair.

Yes, I did try my best to maintain the glory of the Suzanna Hamilton full frontal nude scene with as much of the original as possible, and if I may be so bold as to say, I think I did a passable job on the bush, but I won’t deny that some detail was lost in the process. If there is, once again, demand, I could release a complementary version of the work with scaled back, pube-preserving color correction, but y’all will just have to let me know if that’s what you want. If you want to build up some more public support on the matter, you can also leave a comment on this post or, of course, twat me at you-know-where.

So much for my promise to stick to talking about Suzanna Hamilton naked and not waffle too much about the technical aspects. Oh well. OK, so what do we have? Suzanna Hamilton gets nude in Nineteen Eighty-Four a lot. She plays Julie, who is a sex criminal (their term, not mine), so naturally this means there has to be tons and tons of nudity. The onslaught of Suzanna Hamilton nude scenes had nothing at all to do with selling tickets and home media, though. It was totally a completely artistic decision, which is why John Hurt’s dick has just as much screen time.

The first time we see Suzanna Hamilton naked is when she undresses out in a field. She’s wearing no bra or panties, so when she takes her dress-overalls-hybrid thing off, everything is on show. Yes, that includes the full bush. And who doesn’t enjoy a bit of public nudity. The rest of her nude scenes take place in a dingy room, which is apparently the most erotic site in the world of Airstrip One. She just kind of wanders around completely naked a lot (legendary). She also gets arrested while completely nude and beaten with a baton while completely nude. Yeah, it gets kinda dark toward the end. Anyway, do enjoy the painstakingly cleaned up screen captures of Suzanna Hamilton nude from Nineteen Eighty-Four below.

Frederikke Dahl Hansen Naked – Teenland – HD Stream

You might recognize Frederikke Dahl Hansen naked from the earlier post where we covered Victoria Carmen Sonne nude in the same short. I am referring to Teenland, by director Marie Grahtø Sørensen, which is available to watch on her Vimeo profile. I have said in so many posts that female directors are responsible for many of the best nude scenes around, and with every post I add, it becomes more and more unwieldy to bring up all past examples or even an acceptably representative selection of same. My solution to this problem is the long-overdue introduction of the F-Rated tag, with a specific focus on female directors.

The Danish actress is perhaps most well known for Copenhagen, a (partially) English-language film about Renly Baratheon’s exodus from Westeros and quest to replace his beard, Margaery Tyrell, with a younger model. Then ice demons appear and burn the Christiansborg Slot to the ground or something… I don’t quite remember. Incidentally, that movie does contain a Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude scene, and even though the character is meant to be underage, do not panic, the actress was an adult when the movie was shot.

There is no shortage of Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude pics and videos on the internet. The actress has been generous to viewers, getting her tits out as often as the situation allows for it, let alone calls for it. A lot of these nude scenes have been in Danish features, so naturally, viewers from outside the small Scandinavian nation may not be aware of them, but if you’re looking for a good reason to expand the borders of your cultural knowledge, what better answer than titties?

We see Frederikke Dahl Hansen topless for the first time in Teenland when she apparates in a bathtub. In the first such shot, the camera is only catching the very top of her areola, so as with Victoria’s scene, you may think that you’re being teased into blue balls. Fortunately, this is quickly fixed when another camera angle takes center stage, showing us some amazing sideboob of Frederikke’s majestic pair.

The other scene in which we see Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude is when she and her co-star are running through a corridor wearing nothing but pink panties, as one does. This scene is great because you effectively get 2-for-the-price-of-1 (or 4-for-the-price-of-2, depending on perspective). Frederikke is unfortunately no particularly in focus, being somewhat closer to the camera, and both actresses’ movements are rather fast, leaving considerably blur on the freeze frames, but that don’t mean they can’t be fapped to. That’s part 2 of 2 for the Danish short, so enjoy the screens of Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude in Teenland below.