Faptuary - Celebrity nude scenes, high definition media and bad decisions - Page 25

Catherine Zeta-Jones Naked – The Play on One: Out of the Blue – HD-ish Upscale from SD

If you’ve ever searched for a nude Catherine Zeta-Jones, you know very well that results aren’t easy to come by. It’s not that she’s never done a nude scene, but more that none of the nude scenes that she’s done have gotten blu ray releases or even HD releases with streaming services. A nude Catherine Zeta-Jones has long been a sort of Moby Dick for me, so I suppose it’s suitable that me first coverage of it should be from a standard definition TV stream that I’ve attempted, with limited success, to “fix” for decent fappability. I’ll let you be the judge of exactly how well I’ve done at the task.

What we’re looking at today is a BBC production – of course it had to be a BBC production – called The Play on One, and specifically, the episode Out of the Blue. It features Colin Firth, who mysteriously does not get his dick out, but more importantly, this is only the second ever production that our Welsh daffodil has ever starred in. The first, of course, is the infamous 1001 Nights, the mysteriously-rated French PG movie that has about a thousand (and one) scenes featuring a nude Catherine Zeta-Jones. This may not be the longest Catherina Zeta-Jones nude scene around, but it is one of only a handful of times we’ve seen her nude, and, if I may be so bold as to say, this is a(n admittedly amateur effort of producing a) color correction that hopefully enhances its overall fappability. Again, enjoy a nice helping of Catherine Zeta-Jones nude.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay Naked – Under The Skin – 4K Stream

Imagine you get your big break. It’s going to be a big budget movie with some big names involved. This is the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for. You have to do a full frontal nude scene with your labia completely on show, but you see it as a necessary way to break into the film industry. You do the scene, the movie comes out, and you find out that the same movie also contains multiple full frontal nude scenes from Scarlett Johansson. I imagine it’s like if your band gets signed to play a gig at a large venue, only to find out that Megadeth will be playing down the road at the exact same time.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay played the essential role of The Dead Woman in Under The Skin. I’m not just saying that because I forgot her character’s name. I’m saying that because that’s literally how she’s credited. The tragedy is that her performance, silent though it was, was perfect. What’s more, her naked body looks great. And yet, I guarantee you most people who watched Under The Skin more than a few months ago will have forgotten that she was even in it. Life is truly cruel. So I’ll do my part in immortalizing this performance by color correcting all the naughty bits to perfectly, fap-ready visibility. You’re welcome, struggling artists of the world.

For those that have forgotten this scene, it involves a completely nude Scarlett Johansson stripping Lynsey Taylor Mackay’s clothes off as… of, sorry, did I forget to mention that one of Scarlett Johansson’s nude scenes was overlapping with this one? So I suppose it’s less like Megadeth are playing down the road and more like they’re playing just to the left of you and everyone in the audience thinks you’re just a gaggle of roadies that didn’t get off stage fast enough. So unfair. So very unfair. Oh well. Such is life. I, for one, am thankful to Lynsey for gracing us with this nude scene and wish her all the success in the future. As for all of you readers, you know very well what it’s time for.

Eva Hamilton Naked – Ruin Me – HD Stream

Lately I’ve developed a somewhat unhealthy obsession with hunting down all material that includes Eva Hamilton naked. I always imagine that’s the point of nude scenes – getting sad fappers to shell out their hard-earned money for a movie just to see the actress’ tits. I ain’t even mad, though. Ruin Me was actually a pretty fun movie. It tells of a group of people entering a sort of escape room-type situation, but it’s set in a forest. So like an escape forest… or something. Such a scenario obviously lends itself to plenty of nudity, so I suppose it’s ironic that none of the nude scenes – or rather, the only nude scene – actually has nothing to do with the escape room scenario.

I’m obviously not complaining about the circumstances in which we got to marvel at Eva Hamilton’s nude body. I just wish there were more nude scenes. But then, I had the same opinion about Room in Rome, and that movie has more nude scenes than non-nude scenes. Perhaps we could have gotten a chance to see Marcienne Dwyer nude. She did play the protagonist, but then there’s that weird thing about female protagonists in films – not simply “the female lead,” but the actual protagonist when the character is a woman – rarely getting naked, no matter how many other actresses in the same film do get naked. The most common exceptions seem to be BBC productions and films directed by women.

So what exactly is the context in which we see Eva Hamilton nude? Well, the main characters are all sitting around a campfire, and Eva’s character suggests a game of truth or dare, before announcing her intent to skip the boring bits and just get naked. And then she does get naked, because why not. In an inexplicable turn of events, all of the men present dislike this move. This includes the self-admitted virgin of the group who is before and after this scene one of the thirstiest bastards around. Maybe in that moment he realized that he was gay all along, just like the other fellers around that campfire.

This is not a problem for the viewer, however, because the camera lingers on Eva Hamilton’s topless figure for quite a while. No, the scene doesn’t last minutes, but I think everyone is well acquainted with those blink-and-you’ll-miss-it nude scenes where you’re not even sure whether the actress was ever naked or not. With that in mind, this one’s quite refreshing. Yes, it’s somewhat, kind of, fairly dark-ish in the original film, but a spot of color correction brings out, as I’m sure you can agree looking at the images and video on this page, quite a lot of detail. The little puppy roleplay thing she does for about three seconds is surprisingly topical, calling back to Scarlett Johansson naked in Under The Skin, who technically plays a wolfgirl, even if it’s never said in the movie, and Lily-Rose Depp naked in Wolf, where she plays, contrary to what the film’s name might imply, a catgirl.

If you find Eva Hamilton hot and would like to marvel at her glorious breasts some more, I’m still early days in my research, but you can see her nude in a number of movies that came out in the three years after Ruin Me. In Death Kiss, she opens up her top to flash her titties to Charles Bronson’s spirit. In Ouija House, she is topless for a ritual, because why not, but alas, she’s wearing a mask over most of her face. In The Dragon Unleashed, she gets her shirt ripped off, flashing her boobies in the process. Very nice. And finally, in Cabal, she enjoys a hot tub topless, the way God intended. But let’s not get too greedy. For now, enjoy Eva Hamilton nude in Ruin me.

Claudia Napolitano Nuda – Rkomi: Insuperabile – 4K Stream

È Claudia Napolitano nuda! There we go, I’ve exhausted my knowledge of the Italian language, but at least no one can accuse me of not trying now. I got a hot tip today of a music video that may or may not have had brief shots of Claudia Napolitano nude. When I skimmed through on YouTube, I didn’t actually catch anything the first time, but as a hardcore fapper with no shame and tons of dedication, I decided that the only correct thing to do to settle this would be to run the video file through some super secret squirrel software (definitely not Adobe After Effects), boost the midtones, and scrub through it frame by frame in any shots where there could conceivably be a flash of nip. I’m sure the existence of this page has confirmed to you that we do indeed see Claudia Napolitano naked in it.

Now, I’ve always had a soft spot for nude scenes that aren’t really supposed to exist. Unintentional wardrobe malfunctions that aired live and haven’t been able to be scrubbed from existence – like those of Camila Cabello and Holly Willoughbooby – are nice, but that’s not exactly what I mean. No, I’m talking about scenes like Kimberley Nixon in Ordinary Lies, where she was nude on set for the sake of believable cleavage or sideboob or whatever, but the actual nudity was never meant to make it on screen. In that case, either the editor didn’t notice that there was nipple visible for four frames, or he did but the show went ahead anyway and intentionally feigned ignorance, either to pull one over on the actress or to sneak past the morality crusaders.

To what extent that did or didn’t happen with this music video, I can’t tell you exactly, but what I can tell you is that we do see Claudia Napolitano nude, and the twelve frames in which we do so are so few – compounded by the fact that they’re split across four scenes – that I can only suspect that her appearing nude was not meant to be a part of the music video which the audience were meant to fixate on or even be aware of, which is kind of ironic considering the plot of the music video has her having sex with a dude for half the time and shooting him the other half. Who hasn’t been there with exes, am I right?

Right, so which music video am I talking about that has given us this unexpected offering of Claudia Napolitano naked? It is none other than Rkomi’s new single, Insuperabile, which was part of the Sanremo Music Festival 2022. The Italian readers among you will certainly know what I’m talking about. God knows I don’t. All I know is that when the music video started, I wanted to see Claudia Napolitano nude, and by the time the music video ended, I got to see Claudia Napolitano nude… four times, brief as they were.

For all the Italians out there who have been following Claudia Napolitano with The Jackal, you may know that the sexy comedienne has already appeared nude, and full frontal, at that, a small number of times before, but unless anyone can show me otherwise, my understanding of that situation is that it was all still images. Now you can see Claudia Napolitano nude in video. Video! At most six frames of video at a time, but hey, it is technically moving. Ecco Claudia Napolitano nuda! (There, now I’ve exhausted my knowledge of the Italian language)

Jenna Harrison Naked – Chimera Strain – HD Stream

You could be forgiven for thinking that we would never see Jenna Harrison naked again after 2007. After all, she made her nude debut at the same time she made her first ever film debut back in 2001 with My Brother Tom, which is also the only time she has done any full frontal nudity on the screen. That was followed up with a tender two years later by Cambridge Spies, which was a BBC miniseries, and we all know what that means. I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank British TV license payers for funding so many great nude scenes that we would not otherwise see.

Fast-forward another four years to 2007, and we have Natasha, which was everyone thought was going to be the last time we were going to see Jenna Harrison nude. And I suppose it wasn’t to be a bad send-off. There are group shower scenes, lesbian sex scenes, all the kinds of things you’d want to do to go out with a bang – both figuratively and literally. And so fappers lay dormant. For eleven painful years, we lay in wait for something that we thought would never happen. But then it did. In 2018, Chimera Strain came out. Now of all the nudity in the movie, I thought that it would just be more tease from Jenna since it was never her that got naked, until…

The first Jenna Harrison nude scene since 2007 appears within the last 10 minutes of Chimera Strain. I have to give the filmmakers credit. They really know how to build up just enough tension to get viewers to the point where we’re convinced that the nude scene we want the most isn’t coming, and then it comes (and so do we). I don’t want to give too many spoilers, so I won’t go into why everything is happening, just describe events that are already visible in the video above and screencaps below. Jenna’s character begins undressing in front of an incinerator or furnace. First it’s just down to bra, and at this stage, we’re kind of thinking that’s where it’s going to end. Then she pulls her pants down and she’s wearing nothing but the bra. This view is from the side, so you can’t really see anything explicit at this stage, and again, you’re probably thinking that this is as far as it’s going to get.

The payload finally hits when she takes her bra off, giving us the view of Jenna Harrison topless that we’ve been waiting for so long. There is then a shot from inside the furnace (I hope the camera was well insulated), with which we get a front-on look at her tits as the intensity of the fire fluctuates. She then turns around to run off, with a ceremonious shot of ass to tide us over. We’re treated to a distant shot of Jenna running completely naked between two large buildings. I’m sorry to say that even in HD, there is too much distance between her and the camera for any hard details (apart from the one in my trousers, of course) to be made out. Maybe when Chimera Strain gets a 4K release, we’ll be surprised by just how much nudity is hiding beneath the pixels.

The last bit is like something out of a medical fetish porn video. We get to enjoy Jenna Harrison naked again as she runs through a medical lab completely nude, her tits bouncing with wild abandon. She then lays down on a metal medical slab, on her back, of course, so that her nips are never concealed, and gets injected by a giant… thing from a machine. Am I satisfied? Damn right, I am. While not old by any stretch, the first time there was a Jenna Harrison nude scene was when she was 19 years old, and time is cruel. Not for her, though. The Norfolk actress has aged like the finest of wines and still looks incredible, firm breasts and all.