I’d be willing to bet that I saw Ana de Armas naked before almost 100% of people reading this post right now. No, we didn’t used to date in college, though that would be one hell of a story. Any Spaniards and Cubans reading this may have the drop on me since it was already 5 years after her very first role – back when she was 16 years old in Virgin Rose/Una rosa de Francia (2006) – but my story begins in 2011, when I was browsing through Vimeo and stumbled upon a video. It was for a short film called Ánima by Cuban filmmaker Ana Victoria Pérez. As is the case so often, a female director means an awesome nude scene, and that’s exactly what I was awed by when watching that short. Seeing Ana de Armas nude in Ánima was nothing short of a spiritual experience for me. I’ve ranked her as one of the most beautiful actresses to have ever lived from that day more than a decade ago.
But it didn’t end there. We saw Ana de Armas nude again quite a few more times, but this time, in Hollywood. The first time Tinseltown brought us the Cuban goddess’ naked body was in her breakout international role as Bell in the Eli Roth film Knock Knock. Somehow, even all this time later, I haven’t seen that film. But you know what? I don’t need to. When it came out, all the Ana de Armas nudity from it was plastered all over the internet pretty much non-stop. I’m obviously not complaining. That scene of her standing in a bathroom with soapy tits and dripping wet is iconic and will never not evoke a fap regardless of whether I’m alone at home, rubbing one out in an office toilet cubicle, or at a funeral.
That scene of Ana de Armas nude was so enthralling, that it took me months – maybe even years – to notice that Lorenza Izzo got naked in that movie too, and I’d been wanting to see more of that since I watched the Green Inferno remake, which incidentally was also an Eli Roth film. Two years after Knock Knock, we of course saw Ana de Armas naked again in her even more breakout-y role as the virtual Joi in Blade Runner 2049. Or rather, we thought we did. Bad news, fellas – the giant Joi hologram with her tits out is all CGI. Yep, I too thought – nay, prayed – that it was just a whole lot of compositing action and that those really were the perky Ana de Armas boobs that we all known and love, but alas, those titties were just vertices and shading.
She more than made up for it, though, since we did see Ana de Armas topless in literally half of the next 6 movies that she did. For those wanting to dig into some research, perhaps to set yourself off for a good night’s sleep, I’m referring to Netflix’s Wasp Network from 2019 and Sergio and The Night Clerk both from 2020. None of those 3 films’ nude scenes gained that much traction, Ana or not, but that brings us to a film from earlier this year – the Hulu original Deep Water.
If you’ve been especially itching for an Ana de Armas sex scene with Ben Affleck, that movie will answer your prayers. If you wanted the Havana native dressed for them, then by some bizarre stroke of fortune, even luckier for you. Don’t worry if that doesn’t float your boat, though, because the movie is plenty enough NSFW. If you were planning to go into it to see Ana de Armas nudes, then Ana de Armas nudes you will see. But if only she could do a movie like that but so much more gratuitous. If only we could get a movie with tons and tons of completely unnecessary but wholly satisfying Ana de Armas nude scenes. If only Netflix could make something like that happen. But nah. Netflix tends to shy away from nudity, and when they touch it, it’s rarely gratuitous…
And yet they gave us about a million shots of Ana de Armas’ tits in the Marilyn Monroe biopic Blonde. So many titty scenes, man. So many. I saw Ana de Armas’ boobs so many times in Blonde that I almost got bored of them by the end. Almost. Julianne Nicholson made for a nice starter to that film, which probably helped the nudity from Ana avoid looking too forced, though it was plentiful. At the same time, it was somehow surprisingly subtle – understated, almost. It did include a lot of recreations of famous Marilyn Monroe nude moments, not missing out on the iconic Golden Dreams calendar shoot.
There are of course other movies and television series with Ana de Armas, NSFW scenes and all, but many of them are lesser known, so I won’t go into details. I’m only going to say that the whipping scene in Hispania, la leyenda would evoke some hardcore vibes of Karen Hassan in Vikings, but sadly, Ana is wearing a tunic during it. It is see-through, to be fair, but it’s just not the same. Anyway, I cannot tell you what a struggle this one has been to color correct and all, but I reckon it’s been well worth it. God only knows how this is the first time I’ve covered one of my favorite naked actresses between this Faptuary and the last one, but I’m glad that when the time finally came, it came with a film with such great nudity. Here’s Ana de Armas nude in Blonde in ultra HD 4K resolution.
