Blonde Nude

Ana de Armas Naked – Blonde – 4K Stream

I’d be willing to bet that I saw Ana de Armas naked before almost 100% of people reading this post right now. No, we didn’t used to date in college, though that would be one hell of a story. Any Spaniards and Cubans reading this may have the drop on me since it was already 5 years after her very first role – back when she was 16 years old in Virgin Rose/Una rosa de Francia (2006) – but my story begins in 2011, when I was browsing through Vimeo and stumbled upon a video. It was for a short film called Ánima by Cuban filmmaker Ana Victoria Pérez. As is the case so often, a female director means an awesome nude scene, and that’s exactly what I was awed by when watching that short. Seeing Ana de Armas nude in Ánima was nothing short of a spiritual experience for me. I’ve ranked her as one of the most beautiful actresses to have ever lived from that day more than a decade ago.

But it didn’t end there. We saw Ana de Armas nude again quite a few more times, but this time, in Hollywood. The first time Tinseltown brought us the Cuban goddess’ naked body was in her breakout international role as Bell in the Eli Roth film Knock Knock. Somehow, even all this time later, I haven’t seen that film. But you know what? I don’t need to. When it came out, all the Ana de Armas nudity from it was plastered all over the internet pretty much non-stop. I’m obviously not complaining. That scene of her standing in a bathroom with soapy tits and dripping wet is iconic and will never not evoke a fap regardless of whether I’m alone at home, rubbing one out in an office toilet cubicle, or at a funeral.

That scene of Ana de Armas nude was so enthralling, that it took me months – maybe even years – to notice that Lorenza Izzo got naked in that movie too, and I’d been wanting to see more of that since I watched the Green Inferno remake, which incidentally was also an Eli Roth film. Two years after Knock Knock, we of course saw Ana de Armas naked again in her even more breakout-y role as the virtual Joi in Blade Runner 2049. Or rather, we thought we did. Bad news, fellas – the giant Joi hologram with her tits out is all CGI. Yep, I too thought – nay, prayed – that it was just a whole lot of compositing action and that those really were the perky Ana de Armas boobs that we all known and love, but alas, those titties were just vertices and shading.

She more than made up for it, though, since we did see Ana de Armas topless in literally half of the next 6 movies that she did. For those wanting to dig into some research, perhaps to set yourself off for a good night’s sleep, I’m referring to Netflix’s Wasp Network from 2019 and Sergio and The Night Clerk both from 2020. None of those 3 films’ nude scenes gained that much traction, Ana or not, but that brings us to a film from earlier this year – the Hulu original Deep Water.

If you’ve been especially itching for an Ana de Armas sex scene with Ben Affleck, that movie will answer your prayers. If you wanted the Havana native dressed for them, then by some bizarre stroke of fortune, even luckier for you. Don’t worry if that doesn’t float your boat, though, because the movie is plenty enough NSFW. If you were planning to go into it to see Ana de Armas nudes, then Ana de Armas nudes you will see. But if only she could do a movie like that but so much more gratuitous. If only we could get a movie with tons and tons of completely unnecessary but wholly satisfying Ana de Armas nude scenes. If only Netflix could make something like that happen. But nah. Netflix tends to shy away from nudity, and when they touch it, it’s rarely gratuitous…

And yet they gave us about a million shots of Ana de Armas’ tits in the Marilyn Monroe biopic Blonde. So many titty scenes, man. So many. I saw Ana de Armas’ boobs so many times in Blonde that I almost got bored of them by the end. Almost. Julianne Nicholson made for a nice starter to that film, which probably helped the nudity from Ana avoid looking too forced, though it was plentiful. At the same time, it was somehow surprisingly subtle – understated, almost. It did include a lot of recreations of famous Marilyn Monroe nude moments, not missing out on the iconic Golden Dreams calendar shoot.

There are of course other movies and television series with Ana de Armas, NSFW scenes and all, but many of them are lesser known, so I won’t go into details. I’m only going to say that the whipping scene in Hispania, la leyenda would evoke some hardcore vibes of Karen Hassan in Vikings, but sadly, Ana is wearing a tunic during it. It is see-through, to be fair, but it’s just not the same. Anyway, I cannot tell you what a struggle this one has been to color correct and all, but I reckon it’s been well worth it. God only knows how this is the first time I’ve covered one of my favorite naked actresses between this Faptuary and the last one, but I’m glad that when the time finally came, it came with a film with such great nudity. Here’s Ana de Armas nude in Blonde in ultra HD 4K resolution.

Julianne Nicholson Naked – Blonde – 4K Stream

As many times as we’ve all seen Julianne Nicholson naked, she has this sort of air around her of being a part of very few nude scenes in film and television. I don’t believe this is just some bizarre perception on my part. I think it’s to do with the way the nude scenes she’s in are shot and edited. To illustrate, let me start with one of her earlier nude scenes – Flannel Pajamas. I remember seeing the Julianne Nicholson nude scene in Flannel Pajamas not long after it came out back in 2006, and sweet Lord in heaven, I was blown away. It was one of my favorite nude scenes of all time back then and continues to be. The difference then was that we didn’t have so many blu rays and 4K streaming services to contend with, so it didn’t stick out that it didn’t have an HD release. It sure as hell sticks out now.

The nude scene itself was amazing, though. We got to see full frontal nudity from Julianne Nicholson, and it was glorious. The whole thing was well lit, of course. There were no objects in the way and the camera was steady too. Absolutely legendary. Compare that to her nude scenes in Her Name Is Carla – yet another film with no HD release as I write. In that one, we do get some great shots of her tits that last a long time and are decently enough lit, but it’s not quite the glory of Flannel Pajamas. And now that we’ve gotten those two out of the way, there’s everything else, and everything else leaves a lot of magic to be desired.

We saw Julianne Nicholson nude in Kinsey, William Vincent, Boardwalk Empire, Sophie and the Rising Sun, and Initials SG, and every single one of those nude scenes failed to hit the mark. Yes, we did technically get to see some pieces of Julianne Nicholson naked, but “some pieces” really is the key to what went wrong. Quick shots, close zooms with no face in the same shot, low lighting, and pretty much every other trick in the book to have a nude scene that does genuinely have nudity but to have it be unsatisfying nonetheless. It’s like the worst of both worlds. Absolutely shameful, especially since we got a taste of that majestic ginger bush in Flannel Pajamas.

But then all was made right when we got to see Julianne Nicholson topless in this year’s Marilyn Monroe biopic Blonde. The 51-year-old Massachusetts native doesn’t play Marilyn Monroe – that role and all the nude scenes it comes with goes to the beautiful Ana De Armas – but our Detective Megan Wheeler does play Norma Jeane’s mother Gladys, a role she spends a good while naked in. First we see her topless as she’s trying to drown her daughter in a bathtub, then sitting on the floor while wet and crying and still topless, and then her grand finale offers us full frontal nudity as she closes the door of her home, flashing her bush to the neighbors in the process. And because this is a new Netflix production, we get it in crystal clear 4K Ultra HD resolution (albeit with an unusual 4:3 aspect ratio). So after more than a decade and a half of waiting, here’s Julianne Nicholson naked in Blonde.