Blu Ray Nude - Page 10

Erin Moriarty Naked – Driven – Blu ray

I have been waiting three goddamn seasons to see Erin Moriarty naked as Starlight in The Boys, and still nothing. We got a sort of tease two episodes ago when Hughie teleports her, which of course means that her clothes have to stay behind, but even then, the post-teleportation shots are from so far away that you can’t tell whether she is actually naked or wearing a skin suit or even whether that’s her or a stunt or body double. While we did get thrown a treat by having a sort-of nude scene from Katy Breier in the last episode, we have similarly still had nothing from Dominique McElligott’s Queen Maeve.

But even though we are still waiting to see Annie January nude, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom and blue balls. You see, it is admittedly easy to fall into the trap of assuming that Erin Moriarty has some sort of no nudity clause wherever she goes, but one doesn’t need to dig too far to find the exception. Yes, it is one, single, lone exception, but in assessing the binary question of do Erin Moriarty nudes exist, it flips the answer from a no to a yes. In fact, if you exclude the film’s release and subsequent showing at the 75th Venice International Film Festival and 2018 Toronto International Film Festival, respectively, then it was released to general audiences almost a full month after the first episode of The Boys aired on Amazon. I’m talking, of course, about the Nick Hamm film, Driven. Why mention Nick Hamm, you ask? Well, he is responsible for directing the episode of BBC’s The Play on One that features one of the earliest nude scenes by Catherine Zeta-Jones.

So in what context do we get the one and only Erin Moriarty nude scene in existence? Well, like every good drug dealer’s whore in the 1970s, her character, Katy Connors, is crashing a party hosted by John DeLorean while high on a mixture of cocaine and angel dust. She then goes into DeLorean’s bedroom to try on his wife’s clothes, but however will she be able to try on those tight, skimpy dresses when she is already dressed herself? Yep, that simple. Thank you once again, Nick Hamm, for finding just the right reason to get the actresses that no one else can get to get naked to do nude scenes.

The first glimpse we get of Erin Moriarty topless is when she’s walking away from the camera and turning to her right. She is already partly undressed at this point, wearing no pants and with her top hanging loose. We get a great, albeit brief, view of her ass with her panties ridden up here, and we also see a few pixels of nipple as we get the sideboob showing from under her loose top. You would be forgiven if you thought that this was only a tease and there was going to be no more, but you would also be wrong. The next few shots are taken from the front, and she pulls her top right down, showing her breasts in all their glory.

We see Erin Moriarty’s tits in a few shots as she’s getting undressed and dressed. This includes a shot in a mirror. Yes, the image there is unsurprisingly tiny, but if you’d been focusing all of your attention during that shot on her sideboob, then you would be very pleasantly surprised when you look across the screen to see it includes yet another shot from the front. Also, big bonus: this nude scene is from before Erin Moriarty had plastic surgery (obligatory “allegedly”), so we get to enjoy seeing her in all her natural feminine beauty, kind of like how we recently got to enjoy Emma Thompson in all her unblemished beauty. Too much to work with? No worries. Enjoy the color corrected screen captures of Erin Moriarty naked in Driven below.

Alexandra Daddario Naked – True Detective – Blu ray

Where were you when you first saw Alexandra Daddario naked? That’s not a rhetorical question. Think about it. Try and remember. Maybe it was back in 2014. You watched the first season of True Detective on HBO. The first episode comes and goes, but there is no nudity from any of the main characters. Naked extras is fine, but that’s not what tickles you pink. No, you want to see nude scenes from those familiar names and familiar faces. You watch the second episode. You’d heard rumors that there was going to be a bona fide (or even bonerfied) Alexandra Daddario nude scene. You were suspicious. Of course you were. You had never seen Alexandra Daddario’s boobs, and God knows you had tried time and time to find images or video of them.

Alexandra Daddario’s breasts might even not exist, you thought. At the very least, there was no evidence that her nipples did. You watched her in those Percy Jackson movies, but being a series geared at teens or families or whatever the hell the point of it was, you never got to see her character Annabeth Chase nude. You cursed the powers-that-be in Hollywood for robbing you of that pleasure as your balls grew bluer and bluer. You needed to fap to Alexandra Daddario nude pics, but no one was making it happen. How could the film and television industry be so cruel? How could life be so cruel? But then you heard news that perked your pecker up like the head of rodent when a raptor’s cry is heard overhead…

We were going to see Alexandra Daddario nude in Texas Chainsaw 3D. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies are filled with tits and ass, nudity as far as the eye can see, erect nipples protruding out of every surface – bras, shirts, cardboard, steel girders, tungsten monoliths, everything! So obviously – OBVIOUSLY – the one Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie with your favorite actress in the lead role is the one that happens to have not even the tiniest sliver of fucking nudity. Maybe in the years to come, you even read the rumors all over the internet that Alex offered to do the bondage scene where she is tied up topless. You may or may not be into BDSM, but Alexandra’s bare breasts swaying back and forth while her arms are tied over her head would be better fap material than any Playboy issue, even if it featured nothing but the strikingly blue-eyed actress naked from cover to cover.

But alas, you did not get to see Alexandra Daddario topless, not even a glimpse at her exposed ass, in Texas Chainsaw 3D. Maybe you heard as part of the rumors that the nudity decision was vetoed by the film’s director, John Luessenhop. Is that true? Is that untrue? Who fucking knows. One thing we do know is that if nothing else, Luessenhop has spoken at great length about the entire production team’s extensive fetishization of Alexandra Daddario’s belly. Not that he calls it that. No, in the interview, he consistently refers to it as her “stomach” – not only an oddly clinical term, but also not strictly a correct one, referring to her internal organ instead. Maybe John-boy’s spent too much time directing films about serial killers. Incidentally, Texas Chainsaw 3D was the very last film he directed, so maybe he felt the same. Or maybe it was true that he axed the fabled Alexandra Daddario nude scene that was not to be and was never given work again as a result. So much intrigue.

At this stage, you felt that you will never get a look at the mystical but unachievable Alexandra Daddario pussy. I mean, you can’t see her boob, her nip, a private sextape is obviously out of the question, so it is clearly wholly out of the question that you will ever see any part of Alexandra Daddario’s goddess-like body. You resigned yourself to your fate. Maybe that was your spunk-crusted Japanese anime love doll or maybe you fapped to other nude scenes… maybe you even spent some time with your wife or girlfriend. Maybe your relationship even improved without the dark specter of Alexandra Daddario’s eyes – as blue as she makes men’s balls – constantly luring you in for a fap that can never be completed, like a siren’s call to the murky waters where tits are invisible and so is everything else that doesn’t fit into Millennium Films’ “stomach” fetish. But that was to change…

You heard that very soon, we would all finally have those Alexandra Daddario nudes that we’ve craved so hard, not through the benevolence of some fake porn director, but through HBO, who as we know, never let us down with nude scene from Game of Thrones or True Blood. I mean, they totally did, but never in the first season. The first seasons were always Fap City. And Alex was going to be in the first season of HBO’s newest show, True Detective. But wait. You’d been burned before. Was this going to be Texas Chainsaw 3D all over again? You were cautious. Not dismissive, but cautious. You watched the first episode. No nude scenes that you were waiting for. You watched the second episode…

And there it was – a real, proper, true-to-form Alexandra Dadario nude scene. And what a nude scene it was. Not even the Jennifer Lawrence Fappening leaks that opened the floodgates of that phenomenon could overtake the True Detective nude scene as the internet’s favorite piece of celeb nudity. From that very first moment, when her shirt passes over the threshold of her diamond-hard nips, allowing her beautiful breasts to breathe free, unrestrained by the burden of wretched textiles, all the way to the last shot of the scene, when she’s bent over in nothing but a top, lower half completely naked, with Woody Harrelson sniffing or licking out her asshole or whatever the hell he was doing back there while Alex had that predatory expression on her face.

We were even graced with the very first Alexandra Daddario sex scene in that same episode. You mashed furiously as Alex rubbed her completely naked body all over Woody’s woody (and mercifully clothed body). She was even thankful for your efforts, having said in an interview that she finds the attention that fappers have given her scene “very flattering.” That’s right. Alex noticed you. No, not just anyone. Alexandra Daddario noticed you, Mike. She did tell MTV that it was a “huge challenge,” so I hope you’re appreciative of her sacrifice, Mike.

Was that the last time we saw the 8th and 9th wonders of the world that are the fabled Alexandra Daddario tits? Thankfully not. The New York native has done a number of other nude scenes in the years that followed, but have any of them measured up? Your opinion may or may not differ to mine, but my stance is that none of the other have. The True Detective nude scene is one that will live forever in the annals of history as a watershed moment in television nudity. Unfortunately, that high has not been outdone by any of her other efforts, which have been significantly more tame. But hey, she’s young, so there’s time. Now it’s time to unload to what is – as I write – hopefully the clearest, crispest screen captures of Alexandra Daddario naked in True Detective available anywhere.

Suzanna Hamilton Naked – Nineteen Eighty-Four – Blu ray

Even though her career never quite managed to reach superstar status, I still view Suzanna Hamilton naked in Nineteen Eighty-Four as one of the defining moments of the 80s. This post is a shoutout to Space Cowboy, who hooked me up with some really goddamn impressive rare footage, which I can’t wait to process and post (more on that later). I did a fair bit more color correction on this one to push the limits of maximum fappability. The tightrope of color correction gets narrower the further you get, leaving you balancing between crisp, clear, light footage and that which is (relatively) free of both artifacts and wash-out of subtler details that get wiped when you’re too aggressive with grain removal. Pubes fall victim to the last issue most harshly, which is really unfortunate when you’ve got a full bush as majestic as the one this English rose is rocking.

“Can I have more uninteresting technical details, Fapsmith?” Of course you can, but no one else wants to read that, so I’ll waffle on around that topic no more. The only thing else I’ll say on it is the following. The source I used for this post is the newly remastered blu ray of Nineteen Eighty-Four. Without being too much of a Negative Nancy, I didn’t feel that this remaster gave us leagues of progress over what came before it. Personally, I think the digitization is suboptimal, which is strange considering I’m certain this movie was shot on quality film back in the 80s, so there should be no excuses like “the CMOS sensor was a bit crap.”

But you know, I really wanted to enjoy what I consider the best Suzanna Hamilton nude scene by far as best I could, so I worked with what was available. The remaster is better that its predecessor, even if it’s not by a country mile, so that certainly gives me a leg up in the process. The rest of it was just days of fine tuning. I feel like I have ended at the place where the tits and ass (or rather, tits and bush in this case) are of pretty damn good quality and the only significant artifacts and distortions are in the backgrounds. If I was working on a proper, serious restoration project, I could have cleaned all of that out too, but I can’t be bothered and no one’s fapping to the dirty wallpaper behind Suzanna Hamilton’s nude body anyway.

The only part of Suzanna Hamilton nude that may have taken a teeny, tiny bit of damage in the “correction” process is her regally leonine 80s bush. I assure you this is not by choice, and to prevent this would take me an exceptionally long time (though I’m not ruling out doing it if there is enough demand for it). The very short version of a very long story is that a degree of grain needs to be smoothed out for the details to be sharpened in way that doesn’t create hideous artifacts all over the place. I know it sounds like I’m just destroying detail to create detail, but believe me when I say the end result is a significant improvement in that department. Except for with pubic hair.

Yes, I did try my best to maintain the glory of the Suzanna Hamilton full frontal nude scene with as much of the original as possible, and if I may be so bold as to say, I think I did a passable job on the bush, but I won’t deny that some detail was lost in the process. If there is, once again, demand, I could release a complementary version of the work with scaled back, pube-preserving color correction, but y’all will just have to let me know if that’s what you want. If you want to build up some more public support on the matter, you can also leave a comment on this post or, of course, twat me at you-know-where.

So much for my promise to stick to talking about Suzanna Hamilton naked and not waffle too much about the technical aspects. Oh well. OK, so what do we have? Suzanna Hamilton gets nude in Nineteen Eighty-Four a lot. She plays Julie, who is a sex criminal (their term, not mine), so naturally this means there has to be tons and tons of nudity. The onslaught of Suzanna Hamilton nude scenes had nothing at all to do with selling tickets and home media, though. It was totally a completely artistic decision, which is why John Hurt’s dick has just as much screen time.

The first time we see Suzanna Hamilton naked is when she undresses out in a field. She’s wearing no bra or panties, so when she takes her dress-overalls-hybrid thing off, everything is on show. Yes, that includes the full bush. And who doesn’t enjoy a bit of public nudity. The rest of her nude scenes take place in a dingy room, which is apparently the most erotic site in the world of Airstrip One. She just kind of wanders around completely naked a lot (legendary). She also gets arrested while completely nude and beaten with a baton while completely nude. Yeah, it gets kinda dark toward the end. Anyway, do enjoy the painstakingly cleaned up screen captures of Suzanna Hamilton nude from Nineteen Eighty-Four below.

Kristen Connolly Naked – House of Cards – Blu ray

I realized last week that I really wanted to see Kristen Connolly naked. I was sitting in my hotel room in Amsterdam at night, having just been blue balled by the shameful sanitization of the city’s Red Light District. I got back to the foul, body odor-smelling room I paid a small fortune for and got blue balled yet again by the TV. You see, The Cabin in the Woods was playing. Cabin in the Woods hints at a Kristen Connolly nude scene a whopping three times throughout the course of the movie. Three goddamn times! It goes without that it never delivers. Before you say that Joss Whedon doesn’t do nude scenes (of his actresses, not of himself), Cabin in the Woods actually had one, so there really is no excuse. More on that in a second.

The first hint we get that we are going to see Kristen Connolly nude in Cabin in the Woods is right near the beginning of the film. She’s parading around her college dorm room in a top and no pants. No, she’s not Donald Ducking it, but the panties set the scene, especially with the revolving door of other characters wandering around her, including Chris Hemsworth, who informs her at the end of the scene that she is indeed not wearing pants. Obviously not the kind of thing that one notices about themselves, but we did get an eyeful of Kristen Connelly ass, so who are we to complain?

The next tease we get for source material for Kristen Connolly nude pics is when the main characters go for a swim in a lake. The scene has actresses running around in bikinis, plenty of horseplay, and the people running the show talking about releasing pheromones. It seems obvious that it’s going for some nudity, right? Those Kristen Connolly nudes that we’ve hungered for so long are just around the corner, right? Nope, all you get is blue balls. Now, to be fair, we get some blue ball relief in the third and final hint, which is a nude scene from Anna Hutchison (of Spartacus fame), but alas, that only lines up with her being (spoiler alert) the ritual’s designated “whore,” whereas Dana, Kristen’s character, is the designated “virgin.”

Perhaps even more frustrating is that even if you wanted to scale your expectations right back, plop into Google Images, and type in “kristen connolly sexy,” you would get a whole lot of images that make your average PG-13 production look like a hardcore porn set. I’d make a point here about Disney Channel being less tame than these offerings, but frankly, where we’re going, former Disney starlets are some of the most explicit out there. Even in Cabin in the Woods, the shots that feature Kristen in a bikini are obscured and filmed from far away, and the panty shot from near the beginning of the film spends most of itself showing nothing but her legs, like we’re all a bunch of Second World War GIs that haven’t seen a woman in months and would take any scrap we can get.

So I suppose it’s some part funny and some part random that it ended up being House of Cards, of all things, that finally delivered the Kristen Connolly topless scene everyone has been waiting for. It is rather blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, I’m sorry to say, but we don’t really get to see Kristen Connolly nude anywhere else, so we can only be thankful to producer Kevin Spacey for making this happen. Then again, in light of what came after, maybe the whole situation is a bit dark. Speaking of, the debut episode of the show also has a scene of Kate Mara sitting on a toilet and taking a dump. Thought you ought to know. In any event, I present for you the 4 nanoseconds of the only scene in existence featuring Kristen Connolly nude.

Barbi Benton Naked – Hospital Massacre – 4K Blu ray

Barbi Benton naked in the 70s and 80s sits right up there with the tides and the stars in the sky as things that were reliable and frequent. If you are 90 years old and used to buy Playboy Magazine, you would have have seen Hugh Hefner’s one-time girlfriend in it many times, in addition to appearances in other Playboy media, like Playboy After Dark. But enough about ancient media. Let’s talk about something new and modern that all the cool young folks are into – Hee Haw. Barbi Benton was also in that as a comedienne. And then she was a country singer or something. My understanding is that she used to get bare ass naked on stage and spread her legs during live shows while people took polaroids. It was either her or Willie Nelson. I always forget.

Yes, it’s true that we could get peeks of Barbi Benton nude in half the careers she had, but as you all know, I’m a connoisseur of film and television. For that reason, today we’re going to be looking at her nude scene in a film called Hospital Massacre, also known as X-Ray, also known as Be My Valentine, or Else…, also known as Ward 13, and uniquely marketed as Jonas Brothers: An Erotic Adventure in Tajikistan.

So in what context do we get to see Barbi Benton nude in Hospital Massacre? Well, it’s very simple. She goes to a giant hospital for a routine check-up following signing up for new health insurance. As is perfectly normal in these kinds of situations, she runs into a doctor that can’t sign off her papers unless she gets naked so he can examine her again. I honestly don’t know why getting naked had to be part of it, but that’s possibly the least nonsensical thing about the movie. At least one can infer the motive, both on the part of the fictional voyeuristic doctor and on the shameless film producers who would do anything to sell tickets… and God love them for it.

So after we’re treated to a slow reveal of Barbi Benton topless, she gets groped around a bit while sitting on an examination table with her giant puffy nipples on show. Then the doctor asks her to lay down on the examination table, tits up, and more fondling happens while her majestic breasts remain firm like only a pair of 80s boobs can. A janitor watches all of this through a window. He even gets spotted by a nurse who tells him off and then carries on on her merry way, leaving him to beat off to the spectacle, his face clearly visible through the door. It was a different time. The shot with the doctor’s hands around her throat ends this scene, and then the movie goes back to having nothing going for it.

I was almost surprised that it didn’t end up evolving to a Barbi Benton sex scene, but then I remember that this movie isn’t a porno, not that you could have guessed that from the level of acting. If you want to see Barbi Benton naked elsewhere, Deathstalker is your best bet, though her nude scenes in that one will be overshadowed by those of the great Lana Clarkson, who always made sure that all the sword and sandal features she was in had copious amounts of nudity, but that’s a story for another post. Enjoy Barbi Benton naked in Hospital Massacre below.