Fapsmith - Faptuary

Jennifer Aniston Nude – Wanderlust – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: August 11, 2012

Remember all the ruckus over the nude scenes in then-upcoming film Wanderlust? Come on, sure you do. Jennifer Aniston herself was promising “a lot of nudity. And a lot of slow motion action nudity,” sweetening the deal by adding, “bottomless, topless. Yeah, there is. It’s happening,” and just in case all of that was too subtle, “there are naked people. It’s raunchy. It’s raucous.” Well, you know what?

That’s all the Jennifer Aniston nude scene you’re gonna get. That’s right. While not clear whether it’s because of the actress’ infamous prudishness, her new romance and now engagement to co-star Justin Theroux, or producer Judd Apatow’s insistence of filling every one of his films with only naked men, it was decided that the Jennifer Aniston nude scene would be pixelated in post-production. Curiously, the same care was not taken for the ten million flopping dicks in the film. Even Ray Liotta has a pointless cameo that consists almost entirely of showing his bare ass!

Malin Akerman is in this film too. You know her; she had that great nude scene in Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle (below left), and then another one in the superhero epic Watchmen (below right), and, well, in pretty much every movie she’s been in. Maybe if she had a dick, the closeted producers would not have made this movie such a jarring combo-breaker for her.

Nudity aside, sure, the film had a few good moments – like Paul Rudd’s hillbilly meltdown – but for the most part, it’s just self-gratifying, smug, pompous and choking on the thick yuppie-hipster stench it lets off, just like every other film by Judd Apatow.

For those that aren’t too bothered by the pixelation, here are the caps and clip of the Jennifer Aniston nude scene, capped from the blu-ray. Also, don’t forget to check out the exclusive GIFs on the official Tumblr blog.

Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams Nude – Brokeback Mountain – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: August 2, 2012

2005 was flooded with “gay cowboy” jokes on account of the release of the otherwise critically acclaimed Brokeback Mountain. What the detractors who refused to see the film missed out on, however, was a pair of great nude scenes… as in, female nude scenes. This film features the second ever nude scene by Anne Hathaway, released in the same year as the direct-to-DVD film, Havoc, which was her first.

Also appearing naked in this film, as Heath Ledger’s wife, is Michelle Williams, who is known both for being nude in pretty much everything she’s in and having every single nude scene overshadowed by that of a more famous at the time actress with whom she has the displeasure of co-starring. Rough world, but all the more material for our spank banks.

The clips and caps are taken from the Blu-ray release of the film in stunning 1080p resolution. As a bonus, Anne Hathaway’s scene also includes a slow-motion replay for those that think it went by too quickly. Enjoy.

Halle Berry Nude – Swordfish – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: July 18, 2012

A golden oldie, sure, but a blu-ray clip seems to be hard to find on the internet, so I figured I’d fill the void. Swordfish was, of course, the very first film in which then up-and-comer, Halle Berry, dared to do a nude scene, and Gods in heaven, was it glorious. No amounts of fantasies could have prepared us for those mesmerizing, jiggly funbags.

In what is surely a tragedy of epic proportions, the last and only other nude scene she’s done is in the film Monster’s Ball, featuring a pretty awkward sex scene with Billy Bob Thornton, released in the same year. The streak of shameless nudity, it seems, didn’t last long. But now you can dive into the nostalgia and enjoy 2001 once more, this time in crisp 1080p resolution, capped from the Blu-ray release.

Ali Cobrin Nude – American Reunion – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: July 10, 2012

Also known as American Pie: Reunion, this installment in the series is a breath of fresh air in comparison to the past decade of horrendously, excruciatingly, mind-numbingly, earth-shatteringly bad spin-offs clamoring onto the brand name. Unfortunately, the more mature – relatively speaking, of course – atmosphere of the film brings with it a reduction of the nude scenes that made the franchise so popular to begin with. Specifically, there is only one exhibition of nudity in the entire film (unless you count this one).

Thankfully, the subject of said scene did not fail to deliver. Fresh-faced Ali Cobrin, previously known for absolutely nothing important, handles the role of Kara, the literal girl-next-door, with the class and allure and bouncing cans of a seasoned pro, in what will certainly be a massive career booster for her.

The scene is split in two parts for efficiency. Unfortunately, the lighting in the shots was poor and the video was not well encoded by the original distributors, so there’s nothing I can do about the blur in the caps. It’s far less noticeable in the video, though, but you can enjoy both in 1080p resolution, as well as in GIF format on the offical Tumblr blog. Below is the Ali Cobrin nude scene from American Reunion.

Kate Beckinsale Naked – Uncovered – HD Stream

There is only one film where we can see Kate Beckinsale naked. Yes, you guessed correctly that it’s Uncovered. So here’s some things you may not know. There is still no blu ray release, and the only media in which the movie was available was DVD (and VHS, if you’re a real masochist). Up until recently, that is. Yes, Uncovered is now available from streaming services, and it is available in HD. The aspect ratio now sits at an absolutely bizarre 5:3, but if you can look past that, what we have is pretty much sort of kind of basically 1080p. I’ve also color corrected the holy hell out of this, so we should be getting maximum detail in this post.

I’m actually going to admit that for all my mastery of all things to do with celeb nudity in film and television, I’d never seen this film before today. I’ve known about it forever, of course. I remember squinting to the blurry messes that were the VHS caps on the internet back in the very early 00s, and then busting more than a few nuts off to the DVD caps when they made the scene, but I just never took the plunge to do the work myself. What I’d seen was just so low-detail that it didn’t seem like I could do any meaningful color correction to it. It goes without saying that when I heard that it was now streaming in HD, I was keen to make up for my past sloth.

The first time we see Kate Beckinsale nude in Uncovered – or indeed ever – is when her former professor is making out with her on a couch. He pulls her shirt up and sucks vigorously on her nipple. The actor in this scene, one Art Malik, officially has the best ice breaker at parties after this. “Raise your hand if you’ve been paid money to suck on Kate Beckinsale’s breast. What, only me?” She then sneezes on him and takes off. That is, the character from the film, not the people at the hypothetical party. Hay fever is always such a cock blocker.

The next time we see Kate Beckinsale topless is when she’s undressing for a shower but decides – only after getting naked, of course – to examine her painting again. We see a very nice frontal shot of her nude body for a surprisingly long amount of time. No quick flashes here. I mean, flashing, yes, but by no means quick. When she gets really close to the painting, the director decides to not rob us of any nudity and gives us another naked shot in the reflection of the glass. What a swell guy. Later in the film, there’s a quick shot of a black and white photo of Kate Beckinsale naked in bed. Finally, towards the end of the movie, there’s a post-sex scene where she’s perched on the arm of a sofa, completely naked. We see some sideboob for a while, then she turns to face the camera, gives us a bit of frontal, stands up, and walks past the camera.

All in all, this movie is an absolute treat now that it’s out in HD. And by the way, to everyone who said that it sucks when you take out the nudity, I actually liked it. It wasn’t Shakespeare, but frankly, it’s all the better for it. A bit of 90s camp never hurt anyone. Also, if any of you fappers have a hairy armpit fetish, prepare to blow your loads even harder; that’s all I’m going to say. I’m going to leave you with one last parting piece of trivia before you all fap yourselves to death. Some of you may challenge that this is the only film in which Kate Beckinsale has been naked. You’d still be wrong. If you’re going to bring up Haunted, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it has been confirmed that that was a body double. The sooner we can make peace with that, the sooner we can all spunk ourselves dry to the real Kate Beckinsale nude scene in the caps below.