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Jessica Raine Naked – Becoming Elizabeth – 4K Stream

I fear I have failed you all in being the herald of this most wonderful news of Jessica Raine naked on screen for the first time in human history. You see, I’ve been sitting on this footage for over two weeks now. Yes, it’s true, but believe me, I have not been withholding it out of some sick desire to deprive all you good men and lesbos of a delightful fap. No, it’s because Becoming Elizabeth is a series that is produced by Starz. Yes, that Starz. The Starz that brought us Spartacus, the series that perhaps wins the award for most tits and ass on any non-pornography TV series in the history of television. My God, even softcore Cinemax (or, dare I say it, Skinemax) shows had less nudity than Spartacus. That’s the Starz we all know and love. Nudity as far as the eye can see and the cock can take, but funnily enough, better writing than most other networks anyway.

Jessica Raine appeared nude in Becoming Elizabeth in the very first episode. In fact, if memory serves, it was her very first scene in the entire show. It certainly happened a modest five-and-a-half minutes into the pilot episode. There’s about two minutes of nudity from our Nurse Jenny Lee (don’t you dare pretend you didn’t watch it for her), and then that was it for the rest of the episode. Naturally, I didn’t want to drip feed all of you fap material like some sort of demented pusher, so I was holding out until at least the second episode so that I could consolidate the material from the two and post it together. The second episode came and went and there was no nudity from any of the main characters. So I waited for the third episode. Would you like to guess how much nudity was in that one?

We have only seen Jessica Raine nude in Becoming Elizabeth once since the series began. Mind you, I am writing this between the airings of the third and fourth episodes, but given the trajectory, I suspect we won’t get any more from her until the season finale, if even that. To be honest, the show keeps on teasing an Alicia von Rittberg nude scene, including in this last episode when Tom Cullen as Thomas Seymour is undressing her by gradually cutting her clothes of piece by piece with a sword. But alas, still no nudity from the German actress. I know it’s going to happen eventually because in spite of this worrying trend of minimizing nude scenes in film and television, this ticks all of the boxes. She’s an up-and-coming actress who has landed in the lead role of a show, and that show is produced by fucking Starz, the network of boobs in every shot, no matter how unnecessary. I, for one, refuse to believe that their heyday is over.

So in what context do we see Jessica Raine topless for the one occasion so far that we do? In short, it’s a two minute long sex scene with her co-star. The English actress plays Catherine Parr, the widow of the recently departed King Henry, who moved on to boning his brother-in-law within picoseconds of his death, as one does. I’ll admit, the nude scenes aren’t exceptionally graphic, but considering this is the only time we have ever seen her naked, I’m not going to complain. I mean, if you have been waiting for this since the first season of Call the Midwife, you’ve probably gone all the way to typing “Jessica Raine bikini” into Google Images in a fit of desperation and still gotten nothing, so this is certainly more than we ever expected. Nonetheless, I would have hoped for something a little more than a few shots of nipple and some sideboob heavily obscured in shadow.

If you’ve been waiting to see Nurse Jenny Lee nude, in Call the Midwife or outside of it (but let’s be honest, Jessica Raine was at her peak in that show, somehow), then this is it for you for now. I hope you enjoy. And remember, just because you’re done fapping, doesn’t mean you should start Round Two immediately. And just to be clear so that there is no confusing, this post is not to do with the identically pronounced and similarly spelled Jenni Lee who used to get her tits out for money and was a huge thing before being forced to live as a Morlock in the abandoned adrenochrome mines below Las Vegas. God knows that is a better story, if for no reason other than the sheer insanity of it, but one for another time. For now, scroll for the gallery of all the caps of, for the first time ever, Jessica Raine naked.

Johanne Fossheim Naked – Heim – 4K Stream

This week’s expression of high culture is a post about the absolutely gorgeous Johanne Fossheim naked in the short film, Heim. Incidentally, we’re sort of coming full circle with this post, since one of the earliest posts that I did since reviving the Faptuary was also a Norwegian actress. But wait; the circle has another loop. Back in the .net days, I covered another film by director Aleksander Nordaas. That film was Thale. It featured another Norwegian stunner in the buff, but more than that, it was about the very same mythological creature, the Huldra.

For those who are curious, the Huldra is a beautiful forest nymph with an animal’s tail. I’d like to pretend that that doesn’t tingle my loins, but as I reflect, I have covered catgirls and wolfgirls before, so maybe there’s something frightening going on in my subconscious. Or maybe it’s just because these kinds of movies always pick the best-looking actresses for these roles. God knows I fapped myself raw to Silje Reinåmo, who played the huldra in the original film. She also, if memory serves, never wore proper clothes throughout the movie. I’m not entirely sure that that’s part of the mythology, but I am certainly not complaining, especially because…

We see Johanne Fossheim nude in Heim a whole lot more than we saw Silje Reinåmo nude in Thale. I suspect some part of that is due to the latter being a film that has to play in theaters and be rated and everything, whereas the former is a short, which allows for so much more creative freedom. Now, don’t get me wrong; I did love Thale to bits, to the point that it flipped my view on Norwegian cinema, which had been mildly tainted by a very popular Norwegian movie that I had seen that shall not be named but sucked absolute ass. That said, the nudity in Thale was very “artistic.” You know what that means. Low lighting, directional lighting to obscure the naughty bits, tactical camera angles, frustratingly but intentionally positions props… need I go on?

In Heim, not only do we see Johanne Fossheim topless in as clear a shot as anyone can shoot, but we see… well, literally everything. Short of the short including a scene from her colonscopy, there is nothing that is left to the imagination, making this one of the hallowed Faptuary post to hit the holy trifecta of ass, boobs, and pussy. And regarding the last point, it’s all on display. The actress’ pubic hair is short trimmed, so not a full bush, but long enough to be visible, while also being short enough to not obscure anything. Both outer and inner labia are clearly visible in a number of shots. That’s right, gentlemen; the pussy lips are fully on display.

If you want the full experience of watching Johanne Fossheim walk through an enchanted forest as a naked huldra, the director has the full short available on Vimeo, complete with English subtitles so that nothing is missed – not a single word and not a single body part. As always, I remain eternally grateful for the directors of Scandinavian shorts – especially in the context of my recent coverage of the two actresses from the Danish short, Teenland – so here is a selection of shots of Johanne Fossheim naked in Heim.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay Naked – Under The Skin – 4K Stream

Imagine you get your big break. It’s going to be a big budget movie with some big names involved. This is the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for. You have to do a full frontal nude scene with your labia completely on show, but you see it as a necessary way to break into the film industry. You do the scene, the movie comes out, and you find out that the same movie also contains multiple full frontal nude scenes from Scarlett Johansson. I imagine it’s like if your band gets signed to play a gig at a large venue, only to find out that Megadeth will be playing down the road at the exact same time.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay played the essential role of The Dead Woman in Under The Skin. I’m not just saying that because I forgot her character’s name. I’m saying that because that’s literally how she’s credited. The tragedy is that her performance, silent though it was, was perfect. What’s more, her naked body looks great. And yet, I guarantee you most people who watched Under The Skin more than a few months ago will have forgotten that she was even in it. Life is truly cruel. So I’ll do my part in immortalizing this performance by color correcting all the naughty bits to perfectly, fap-ready visibility. You’re welcome, struggling artists of the world.

For those that have forgotten this scene, it involves a completely nude Scarlett Johansson stripping Lynsey Taylor Mackay’s clothes off as… of, sorry, did I forget to mention that one of Scarlett Johansson’s nude scenes was overlapping with this one? So I suppose it’s less like Megadeth are playing down the road and more like they’re playing just to the left of you and everyone in the audience thinks you’re just a gaggle of roadies that didn’t get off stage fast enough. So unfair. So very unfair. Oh well. Such is life. I, for one, am thankful to Lynsey for gracing us with this nude scene and wish her all the success in the future. As for all of you readers, you know very well what it’s time for.

Claudia Napolitano Nuda – Rkomi: Insuperabile – 4K Stream

È Claudia Napolitano nuda! There we go, I’ve exhausted my knowledge of the Italian language, but at least no one can accuse me of not trying now. I got a hot tip today of a music video that may or may not have had brief shots of Claudia Napolitano nude. When I skimmed through on YouTube, I didn’t actually catch anything the first time, but as a hardcore fapper with no shame and tons of dedication, I decided that the only correct thing to do to settle this would be to run the video file through some super secret squirrel software (definitely not Adobe After Effects), boost the midtones, and scrub through it frame by frame in any shots where there could conceivably be a flash of nip. I’m sure the existence of this page has confirmed to you that we do indeed see Claudia Napolitano naked in it.

Now, I’ve always had a soft spot for nude scenes that aren’t really supposed to exist. Unintentional wardrobe malfunctions that aired live and haven’t been able to be scrubbed from existence – like those of Camila Cabello and Holly Willoughbooby – are nice, but that’s not exactly what I mean. No, I’m talking about scenes like Kimberley Nixon in Ordinary Lies, where she was nude on set for the sake of believable cleavage or sideboob or whatever, but the actual nudity was never meant to make it on screen. In that case, either the editor didn’t notice that there was nipple visible for four frames, or he did but the show went ahead anyway and intentionally feigned ignorance, either to pull one over on the actress or to sneak past the morality crusaders.

To what extent that did or didn’t happen with this music video, I can’t tell you exactly, but what I can tell you is that we do see Claudia Napolitano nude, and the twelve frames in which we do so are so few – compounded by the fact that they’re split across four scenes – that I can only suspect that her appearing nude was not meant to be a part of the music video which the audience were meant to fixate on or even be aware of, which is kind of ironic considering the plot of the music video has her having sex with a dude for half the time and shooting him the other half. Who hasn’t been there with exes, am I right?

Right, so which music video am I talking about that has given us this unexpected offering of Claudia Napolitano naked? It is none other than Rkomi’s new single, Insuperabile, which was part of the Sanremo Music Festival 2022. The Italian readers among you will certainly know what I’m talking about. God knows I don’t. All I know is that when the music video started, I wanted to see Claudia Napolitano nude, and by the time the music video ended, I got to see Claudia Napolitano nude… four times, brief as they were.

For all the Italians out there who have been following Claudia Napolitano with The Jackal, you may know that the sexy comedienne has already appeared nude, and full frontal, at that, a small number of times before, but unless anyone can show me otherwise, my understanding of that situation is that it was all still images. Now you can see Claudia Napolitano nude in video. Video! At most six frames of video at a time, but hey, it is technically moving. Ecco Claudia Napolitano nuda! (There, now I’ve exhausted my knowledge of the Italian language)

Barbi Benton Naked – Hospital Massacre – 4K Blu ray

Barbi Benton naked in the 70s and 80s sits right up there with the tides and the stars in the sky as things that were reliable and frequent. If you are 90 years old and used to buy Playboy Magazine, you would have have seen Hugh Hefner’s one-time girlfriend in it many times, in addition to appearances in other Playboy media, like Playboy After Dark. But enough about ancient media. Let’s talk about something new and modern that all the cool young folks are into – Hee Haw. Barbi Benton was also in that as a comedienne. And then she was a country singer or something. My understanding is that she used to get bare ass naked on stage and spread her legs during live shows while people took polaroids. It was either her or Willie Nelson. I always forget.

Yes, it’s true that we could get peeks of Barbi Benton nude in half the careers she had, but as you all know, I’m a connoisseur of film and television. For that reason, today we’re going to be looking at her nude scene in a film called Hospital Massacre, also known as X-Ray, also known as Be My Valentine, or Else…, also known as Ward 13, and uniquely marketed as Jonas Brothers: An Erotic Adventure in Tajikistan.

So in what context do we get to see Barbi Benton nude in Hospital Massacre? Well, it’s very simple. She goes to a giant hospital for a routine check-up following signing up for new health insurance. As is perfectly normal in these kinds of situations, she runs into a doctor that can’t sign off her papers unless she gets naked so he can examine her again. I honestly don’t know why getting naked had to be part of it, but that’s possibly the least nonsensical thing about the movie. At least one can infer the motive, both on the part of the fictional voyeuristic doctor and on the shameless film producers who would do anything to sell tickets… and God love them for it.

So after we’re treated to a slow reveal of Barbi Benton topless, she gets groped around a bit while sitting on an examination table with her giant puffy nipples on show. Then the doctor asks her to lay down on the examination table, tits up, and more fondling happens while her majestic breasts remain firm like only a pair of 80s boobs can. A janitor watches all of this through a window. He even gets spotted by a nurse who tells him off and then carries on on her merry way, leaving him to beat off to the spectacle, his face clearly visible through the door. It was a different time. The shot with the doctor’s hands around her throat ends this scene, and then the movie goes back to having nothing going for it.

I was almost surprised that it didn’t end up evolving to a Barbi Benton sex scene, but then I remember that this movie isn’t a porno, not that you could have guessed that from the level of acting. If you want to see Barbi Benton naked elsewhere, Deathstalker is your best bet, though her nude scenes in that one will be overshadowed by those of the great Lana Clarkson, who always made sure that all the sword and sandal features she was in had copious amounts of nudity, but that’s a story for another post. Enjoy Barbi Benton naked in Hospital Massacre below.