Ass Nude - Page 10

Alexandra Daddario Naked – True Detective – Blu ray

Where were you when you first saw Alexandra Daddario naked? That’s not a rhetorical question. Think about it. Try and remember. Maybe it was back in 2014. You watched the first season of True Detective on HBO. The first episode comes and goes, but there is no nudity from any of the main characters. Naked extras is fine, but that’s not what tickles you pink. No, you want to see nude scenes from those familiar names and familiar faces. You watch the second episode. You’d heard rumors that there was going to be a bona fide (or even bonerfied) Alexandra Daddario nude scene. You were suspicious. Of course you were. You had never seen Alexandra Daddario’s boobs, and God knows you had tried time and time to find images or video of them.

Alexandra Daddario’s breasts might even not exist, you thought. At the very least, there was no evidence that her nipples did. You watched her in those Percy Jackson movies, but being a series geared at teens or families or whatever the hell the point of it was, you never got to see her character Annabeth Chase nude. You cursed the powers-that-be in Hollywood for robbing you of that pleasure as your balls grew bluer and bluer. You needed to fap to Alexandra Daddario nude pics, but no one was making it happen. How could the film and television industry be so cruel? How could life be so cruel? But then you heard news that perked your pecker up like the head of rodent when a raptor’s cry is heard overhead…

We were going to see Alexandra Daddario nude in Texas Chainsaw 3D. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies are filled with tits and ass, nudity as far as the eye can see, erect nipples protruding out of every surface – bras, shirts, cardboard, steel girders, tungsten monoliths, everything! So obviously – OBVIOUSLY – the one Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie with your favorite actress in the lead role is the one that happens to have not even the tiniest sliver of fucking nudity. Maybe in the years to come, you even read the rumors all over the internet that Alex offered to do the bondage scene where she is tied up topless. You may or may not be into BDSM, but Alexandra’s bare breasts swaying back and forth while her arms are tied over her head would be better fap material than any Playboy issue, even if it featured nothing but the strikingly blue-eyed actress naked from cover to cover.

But alas, you did not get to see Alexandra Daddario topless, not even a glimpse at her exposed ass, in Texas Chainsaw 3D. Maybe you heard as part of the rumors that the nudity decision was vetoed by the film’s director, John Luessenhop. Is that true? Is that untrue? Who fucking knows. One thing we do know is that if nothing else, Luessenhop has spoken at great length about the entire production team’s extensive fetishization of Alexandra Daddario’s belly. Not that he calls it that. No, in the interview, he consistently refers to it as her “stomach” – not only an oddly clinical term, but also not strictly a correct one, referring to her internal organ instead. Maybe John-boy’s spent too much time directing films about serial killers. Incidentally, Texas Chainsaw 3D was the very last film he directed, so maybe he felt the same. Or maybe it was true that he axed the fabled Alexandra Daddario nude scene that was not to be and was never given work again as a result. So much intrigue.

At this stage, you felt that you will never get a look at the mystical but unachievable Alexandra Daddario pussy. I mean, you can’t see her boob, her nip, a private sextape is obviously out of the question, so it is clearly wholly out of the question that you will ever see any part of Alexandra Daddario’s goddess-like body. You resigned yourself to your fate. Maybe that was your spunk-crusted Japanese anime love doll or maybe you fapped to other nude scenes… maybe you even spent some time with your wife or girlfriend. Maybe your relationship even improved without the dark specter of Alexandra Daddario’s eyes – as blue as she makes men’s balls – constantly luring you in for a fap that can never be completed, like a siren’s call to the murky waters where tits are invisible and so is everything else that doesn’t fit into Millennium Films’ “stomach” fetish. But that was to change…

You heard that very soon, we would all finally have those Alexandra Daddario nudes that we’ve craved so hard, not through the benevolence of some fake porn director, but through HBO, who as we know, never let us down with nude scene from Game of Thrones or True Blood. I mean, they totally did, but never in the first season. The first seasons were always Fap City. And Alex was going to be in the first season of HBO’s newest show, True Detective. But wait. You’d been burned before. Was this going to be Texas Chainsaw 3D all over again? You were cautious. Not dismissive, but cautious. You watched the first episode. No nude scenes that you were waiting for. You watched the second episode…

And there it was – a real, proper, true-to-form Alexandra Dadario nude scene. And what a nude scene it was. Not even the Jennifer Lawrence Fappening leaks that opened the floodgates of that phenomenon could overtake the True Detective nude scene as the internet’s favorite piece of celeb nudity. From that very first moment, when her shirt passes over the threshold of her diamond-hard nips, allowing her beautiful breasts to breathe free, unrestrained by the burden of wretched textiles, all the way to the last shot of the scene, when she’s bent over in nothing but a top, lower half completely naked, with Woody Harrelson sniffing or licking out her asshole or whatever the hell he was doing back there while Alex had that predatory expression on her face.

We were even graced with the very first Alexandra Daddario sex scene in that same episode. You mashed furiously as Alex rubbed her completely naked body all over Woody’s woody (and mercifully clothed body). She was even thankful for your efforts, having said in an interview that she finds the attention that fappers have given her scene “very flattering.” That’s right. Alex noticed you. No, not just anyone. Alexandra Daddario noticed you, Mike. She did tell MTV that it was a “huge challenge,” so I hope you’re appreciative of her sacrifice, Mike.

Was that the last time we saw the 8th and 9th wonders of the world that are the fabled Alexandra Daddario tits? Thankfully not. The New York native has done a number of other nude scenes in the years that followed, but have any of them measured up? Your opinion may or may not differ to mine, but my stance is that none of the other have. The True Detective nude scene is one that will live forever in the annals of history as a watershed moment in television nudity. Unfortunately, that high has not been outdone by any of her other efforts, which have been significantly more tame. But hey, she’s young, so there’s time. Now it’s time to unload to what is – as I write – hopefully the clearest, crispest screen captures of Alexandra Daddario naked in True Detective available anywhere.

Johanne Fossheim Naked – Heim – 4K Stream

This week’s expression of high culture is a post about the absolutely gorgeous Johanne Fossheim naked in the short film, Heim. Incidentally, we’re sort of coming full circle with this post, since one of the earliest posts that I did since reviving the Faptuary was also a Norwegian actress. But wait; the circle has another loop. Back in the .net days, I covered another film by director Aleksander Nordaas. That film was Thale. It featured another Norwegian stunner in the buff, but more than that, it was about the very same mythological creature, the Huldra.

For those who are curious, the Huldra is a beautiful forest nymph with an animal’s tail. I’d like to pretend that that doesn’t tingle my loins, but as I reflect, I have covered catgirls and wolfgirls before, so maybe there’s something frightening going on in my subconscious. Or maybe it’s just because these kinds of movies always pick the best-looking actresses for these roles. God knows I fapped myself raw to Silje Reinåmo, who played the huldra in the original film. She also, if memory serves, never wore proper clothes throughout the movie. I’m not entirely sure that that’s part of the mythology, but I am certainly not complaining, especially because…

We see Johanne Fossheim nude in Heim a whole lot more than we saw Silje Reinåmo nude in Thale. I suspect some part of that is due to the latter being a film that has to play in theaters and be rated and everything, whereas the former is a short, which allows for so much more creative freedom. Now, don’t get me wrong; I did love Thale to bits, to the point that it flipped my view on Norwegian cinema, which had been mildly tainted by a very popular Norwegian movie that I had seen that shall not be named but sucked absolute ass. That said, the nudity in Thale was very “artistic.” You know what that means. Low lighting, directional lighting to obscure the naughty bits, tactical camera angles, frustratingly but intentionally positions props… need I go on?

In Heim, not only do we see Johanne Fossheim topless in as clear a shot as anyone can shoot, but we see… well, literally everything. Short of the short including a scene from her colonscopy, there is nothing that is left to the imagination, making this one of the hallowed Faptuary post to hit the holy trifecta of ass, boobs, and pussy. And regarding the last point, it’s all on display. The actress’ pubic hair is short trimmed, so not a full bush, but long enough to be visible, while also being short enough to not obscure anything. Both outer and inner labia are clearly visible in a number of shots. That’s right, gentlemen; the pussy lips are fully on display.

If you want the full experience of watching Johanne Fossheim walk through an enchanted forest as a naked huldra, the director has the full short available on Vimeo, complete with English subtitles so that nothing is missed – not a single word and not a single body part. As always, I remain eternally grateful for the directors of Scandinavian shorts – especially in the context of my recent coverage of the two actresses from the Danish short, Teenland – so here is a selection of shots of Johanne Fossheim naked in Heim.

Suzanna Hamilton Naked – Nineteen Eighty-Four – Blu ray

Even though her career never quite managed to reach superstar status, I still view Suzanna Hamilton naked in Nineteen Eighty-Four as one of the defining moments of the 80s. This post is a shoutout to Space Cowboy, who hooked me up with some really goddamn impressive rare footage, which I can’t wait to process and post (more on that later). I did a fair bit more color correction on this one to push the limits of maximum fappability. The tightrope of color correction gets narrower the further you get, leaving you balancing between crisp, clear, light footage and that which is (relatively) free of both artifacts and wash-out of subtler details that get wiped when you’re too aggressive with grain removal. Pubes fall victim to the last issue most harshly, which is really unfortunate when you’ve got a full bush as majestic as the one this English rose is rocking.

“Can I have more uninteresting technical details, Fapsmith?” Of course you can, but no one else wants to read that, so I’ll waffle on around that topic no more. The only thing else I’ll say on it is the following. The source I used for this post is the newly remastered blu ray of Nineteen Eighty-Four. Without being too much of a Negative Nancy, I didn’t feel that this remaster gave us leagues of progress over what came before it. Personally, I think the digitization is suboptimal, which is strange considering I’m certain this movie was shot on quality film back in the 80s, so there should be no excuses like “the CMOS sensor was a bit crap.”

But you know, I really wanted to enjoy what I consider the best Suzanna Hamilton nude scene by far as best I could, so I worked with what was available. The remaster is better that its predecessor, even if it’s not by a country mile, so that certainly gives me a leg up in the process. The rest of it was just days of fine tuning. I feel like I have ended at the place where the tits and ass (or rather, tits and bush in this case) are of pretty damn good quality and the only significant artifacts and distortions are in the backgrounds. If I was working on a proper, serious restoration project, I could have cleaned all of that out too, but I can’t be bothered and no one’s fapping to the dirty wallpaper behind Suzanna Hamilton’s nude body anyway.

The only part of Suzanna Hamilton nude that may have taken a teeny, tiny bit of damage in the “correction” process is her regally leonine 80s bush. I assure you this is not by choice, and to prevent this would take me an exceptionally long time (though I’m not ruling out doing it if there is enough demand for it). The very short version of a very long story is that a degree of grain needs to be smoothed out for the details to be sharpened in way that doesn’t create hideous artifacts all over the place. I know it sounds like I’m just destroying detail to create detail, but believe me when I say the end result is a significant improvement in that department. Except for with pubic hair.

Yes, I did try my best to maintain the glory of the Suzanna Hamilton full frontal nude scene with as much of the original as possible, and if I may be so bold as to say, I think I did a passable job on the bush, but I won’t deny that some detail was lost in the process. If there is, once again, demand, I could release a complementary version of the work with scaled back, pube-preserving color correction, but y’all will just have to let me know if that’s what you want. If you want to build up some more public support on the matter, you can also leave a comment on this post or, of course, twat me at you-know-where.

So much for my promise to stick to talking about Suzanna Hamilton naked and not waffle too much about the technical aspects. Oh well. OK, so what do we have? Suzanna Hamilton gets nude in Nineteen Eighty-Four a lot. She plays Julie, who is a sex criminal (their term, not mine), so naturally this means there has to be tons and tons of nudity. The onslaught of Suzanna Hamilton nude scenes had nothing at all to do with selling tickets and home media, though. It was totally a completely artistic decision, which is why John Hurt’s dick has just as much screen time.

The first time we see Suzanna Hamilton naked is when she undresses out in a field. She’s wearing no bra or panties, so when she takes her dress-overalls-hybrid thing off, everything is on show. Yes, that includes the full bush. And who doesn’t enjoy a bit of public nudity. The rest of her nude scenes take place in a dingy room, which is apparently the most erotic site in the world of Airstrip One. She just kind of wanders around completely naked a lot (legendary). She also gets arrested while completely nude and beaten with a baton while completely nude. Yeah, it gets kinda dark toward the end. Anyway, do enjoy the painstakingly cleaned up screen captures of Suzanna Hamilton nude from Nineteen Eighty-Four below.

Victoria Carmen Sonne Naked – Teenland – HD Stream

I do like a bit of international flavor at the expense of star power every now and then, so today’s post is about Victoria Carmen Sonne naked in Teenland. I’d like to get it out there, lest anyone accuses me of weak research for a website held in such high esteem by everyone, that the Danish actress has, as of last year, been getting credited as Vic Carmen Sonne. I’m not “deadnaming” to be petty. I’m using Victoria as her name because that’s what she was credited as in Teenland, and indeed, that’s what she has been credited as in just about everything she’s done. The latter point suggests that this is what more people will know her as, and how can I serve fappers to my best potential if they can’t find the material they want to fap to easily?

Teenland is a delightful Danish short about an institute for, in the director’s own words, “teens who are so fucked emotionally that they have developed supernatural powers.” Minus the “teens” part, that probably describes everyone who spends inordinate amounts of time fapping to celebrity pictures and videos online. Or maybe I’m just projecting. Fapping for days on end is a genuine superpower, so at least that part is true. All of you do that too, right? Right? Anyway, in case you didn’t bother to click it the first time because you thought it was yet another blue-balling link to IMDB, you can actually watch the full short on Vimeo.

The first time we see Victoria Carmen Sonne nude in Teenland is in the opening scene of the short. The intro credits roll through, and we’re cut to her standing in a clinical room with a bunch of medical… things stuck onto her. Of course, she is dressed in nothing but a pair of pink panties. At first, you think that you’re not going to get much of a clear shot of the good stuff since the best you get at these opening moments is a dodgy reflection in a mirror, but then, after some dancing around, the camera cuts to a frontal shot. The panties are obviously present, but other than that, there is nothing obscuring the aforementioned good stuff and the lighting is good. This shot lingers for a number of seconds as Victoria’s character, Sally, is beckoned to approach the direction of the camera.

The next couple of scenes of Victoria Carmen Sonne topless aren’t as ideally fappable, but they ain’t bad either with some tactical freeze framing and solid color correction. There’s a scene of her in a bathtub, getting her head held underwater by Frederikke Dahl Hansen, who has her own nude scenes in this, by the way. That one has a few flashes of nip, but we get better in the scene of her and her co-star running down a hospital hallway, both topless, boobs bouncing. There’s an incredibly dark scene of the two actresses lying on mortuary slabs (as one does), and to be honest, I was surprised by how much nipple actually came out when I color corrected that one. I didn’t think much would be visible, but I was happy with my error in judgment.

For all the ass men out there who have been thoroughly disappointed in the constant presence of panties, the very last Victoria Carmen Sonne nude scene in the short finally sees them gone. Yes, she is completely naked while dancing in her room. We do see a hint of bush, but that mere hint is all there is there. The good news for you ass men is that the reason that we don’t get the full frontal is because she has her ass to the camera for most of it, only disappearing toward the end as she bends over backward, giving us a terrific shot of her hard pokies. I’m not going to babble on for much longer, but before I close, I do want to mention that this is yet another feature with a female director that manages to have superior nude scenes.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay Naked – Under The Skin – 4K Stream

Imagine you get your big break. It’s going to be a big budget movie with some big names involved. This is the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for. You have to do a full frontal nude scene with your labia completely on show, but you see it as a necessary way to break into the film industry. You do the scene, the movie comes out, and you find out that the same movie also contains multiple full frontal nude scenes from Scarlett Johansson. I imagine it’s like if your band gets signed to play a gig at a large venue, only to find out that Megadeth will be playing down the road at the exact same time.

Lynsey Taylor Mackay played the essential role of The Dead Woman in Under The Skin. I’m not just saying that because I forgot her character’s name. I’m saying that because that’s literally how she’s credited. The tragedy is that her performance, silent though it was, was perfect. What’s more, her naked body looks great. And yet, I guarantee you most people who watched Under The Skin more than a few months ago will have forgotten that she was even in it. Life is truly cruel. So I’ll do my part in immortalizing this performance by color correcting all the naughty bits to perfectly, fap-ready visibility. You’re welcome, struggling artists of the world.

For those that have forgotten this scene, it involves a completely nude Scarlett Johansson stripping Lynsey Taylor Mackay’s clothes off as… of, sorry, did I forget to mention that one of Scarlett Johansson’s nude scenes was overlapping with this one? So I suppose it’s less like Megadeth are playing down the road and more like they’re playing just to the left of you and everyone in the audience thinks you’re just a gaggle of roadies that didn’t get off stage fast enough. So unfair. So very unfair. Oh well. Such is life. I, for one, am thankful to Lynsey for gracing us with this nude scene and wish her all the success in the future. As for all of you readers, you know very well what it’s time for.