2000s Nude Scenes in Film and Television - Page 4

Robin Tunney Naked – Supernova – Blu ray

Anyone who’s a fan of The Mentalist and unzips their fly every time Teresa Lisbon gets screen time has probably tried to look for pictures or footage of Robin Tunney naked at least a few dozen times. Now, while I’m not suggesting that such material impossible to find, once you sift out all of the fakes, you might find yourself slightly disappointed in what’s left behind. Even though there are more than a handful of films with Robin Tunney nude scenes in them, for some reason, these scenes are rarely particularly graphic.

I’m not going through the full list of Robin Tunney nude scenes in detail, but there are three (or two-and-a-half) honorable mentions to touch on. Other than Supernova, the most potentially graphic nude scene from the Chicago-born actress is from 2006’s Open Window, in which she takes off a bathrobe in well-lit room as the camera pans up and down her completely naked body while she is getting into a bathtub and for a little bit after. The catch: the camera is largely behind her. If you’re an ass man, you can fap yourself silly to it, and if you like sideboob, there’s some pretty good titty shots in it. Unfortunately, that’s about where it ends.

The next mention is for the wholesome family Christmas film End of Days, which, going by year of release, is responsible for the earliest Robin Tunney nude scenes to hit public eyes. They’re quite tame, with one showing sideboob for not much more than a second and the other flashing a nip for not even that long. Nonetheless, people who loved The Craft when it came out probably took it as permission to release three years of pent up sexual frustration. The other mention is for Dream On – HBO’s version of Friends. Robin Tunney appeared in an episode of it in 1993, and many sites report this as her first nude scene. I watched it to confirm, and unless I blinked through a literal blink-and-you-miss it moment, I do not believe this to be the case. There is one shot where you’re either seeing shadow or the very edge of her left areola, but if that’s what everyone is referring to, then they’ve somehow managed to make the rest of the actress’ portfolio of tame nude scenes look like hardcore pornography by comparison.

As for Supernova, it basically opens with a Robin Tunney sex scene. Considering the combination of the timing and the fact that this is the first of four scenes in which Robin appears nude, I’m tempted to fall victim to my cynical tendencies and say that it’s almost like the filmmakers knew exactly what they were doing and were trying to sell tickets and DVDs of the movie on the basis of seeing her naked like we had never seen her before. I’m not complaining. It worked for me. Unfortunately, it didn’t help the film’s reception, with even original director Walter Hill so dismayed by the many executive changes, includes ones done by famed director Francis Ford Coppola, nor did it save it from an abysmal performance at the box office.

But hey, we got to see Robin Tunney topless a lot, including one scene where the mixed gender crew all get naked to prepare for a jump and then horse around a bit while completely nude. So no bad news, right? Wrong. We got cheated once again. The way the picture was cropped for most releases – including, to my knowledge, all full HD releases – excludes literally most of the nudity from Robin Tunney. Although funnily enough, there is one sex scene that is supposed to be of Angela Bassett’s character, but is actually a body double, and the body double is none other than Robin Tunney herself in digital blackface. And truth remains stranger than fiction. Before you ask, Angela Bassett’s other nude scene in the film is a body double as well, though I have yet to confirm whether that’s another erotic minstrel show performance or not. What I can confirm is that we get to see Robin Tunney naked in Supernova a lot, and it is glorious.

Danielle Harris Naked – Halloween – Blu ray

We don’t really get to see Danielle Harris naked often. In fact, if you’ll allow me to tighten the criteria somewhat, I can even say that Rob Zombie’s Halloween movie is the only feature in which we get a proper Danielle Harris nude scene. Incidentally, one of the other kind of sort of nude scenes that the scream queen has is in the sequel to this film. In a way, it’s quite appropriate that the franchise should play such an important part of her career, since it gave her one of her first roles. No, not this movie. I’m talking about Halloween 4: The Return of the Electric Boogaloo, where she played Jamie Lloyd at the tender age of ten, turning eleven on set. She would reprise her role for the sequel to that, Halloween 5: Port of Call New Orleans.

Just to be clear, Danielle Harris doesn’t reprise her role as Jamie Lloyd in Rob Zombie’s reboot duology. In these two movies, she plays Annie Bracket, one of the characters originally created by John Carpenter for the original film that started the franchise. You know what is really weird about this whole situation, though? Considering Danielle Harris’ clear career as a scream queen, a veteran of slashers and other horrors, it’s actually quite bizarre how rarely she gets naked in the films. You’d think it would come with the territory. It normally does, to be fair. I’m not complaining or unthankful for the Halloween nude scene. I just with there were more, but that’s unlikely now.

The other movies which some might consider as showing Danielle Harris nude are the Kevin Sorbo vehicle Fatal Call and the third entry in the Hatchet franchise. Let’s start with Fatal Call. There’s a pretty lengthy sex scene, but we don’t see Danielle Harris nude in it. All of her naughty bits are covered up at all time, be it by her panties (during sex???), a blanket, camera angles, the other actor’s hands – we just never see anything. Sad. Her partial nude scene in Hatchet III is certainly muy caliente as she’s standing completely naked in what is either a jail or my old high school and getting hosed down, but alas, no nudity visible unless you count some sideass. Do ass men like sideass as much as boob men like sideboob? Is it comparable? Anyway, that’s all you’re going to get there.

Halloween, on the other hand, offers us glimpses of nip during a Danielle Harris sex scene. Then it gives us a full boob, then both of her tits, and then she quite literally stays topless for the entire rest of the movie. Before you get too excited, I’m sorry to tell you that that descriptor makes it sound a whole hell of a lot more fappable than it is. There are less than 2 minutes’ worth of shots that contain visible nudity from her, and the nudity that is visible is more often than not of limited use in assisting orgasms. You can probably tell by how weak the color correction on this one is compared to, for example, my magnum opus. That’s because just about all of the nudity is dark, moving fast enough to blur, distant, obscured by blood, or as is most often the case, some combination of all of the above.

But in spite of it all, you do see Danielle Harris topless in Halloween, and the color correction does make it slightly more fappable, even though it’s not perfect, so I suppose if you’re used to trawling around the internet looking for any Danielle Harris nudes, even stooping to the depths of searching for fakes, then this isn’t too bad. What’s more, the film also includes nude scenes from Hanna Hall, a full frontal from Kristina Klebe, and Sheri Moon Zombie as a stripper, though sadly not naked. More on all of that in due time, but for now, enjoy Danielle Harris naked in Rob Zombie’s Halloween.

Maria Bello Naked – A History of Violence – Blu ray

The greatest gift that David Cronenberg ever bestowed upon humanity was Maria Bello naked in A History of Violence with the only full frontal nude scene of her career. Sure, there’s all of about two or three seconds of nudity, and if you happen to be watching it in a movie theater or even just on a TV without a pause function, it can definitely feel like a bit of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. If you happen to have the benefit of a pause button or, better yet, the software to scrub back and forth frame by frame, however, this nude scene is actually up there with the greats.

The movie actually goes through quite a lot of teases before we get there. If you’ve ever wanted to see Maria Bello dancing seductively in a cheerleader outfit and then mounting Aragorn, you’re in luck, but you may find yourself disappointed by the fact that there is no real visible nudity in that scene. Then there’s another sex scene later on where you think you may be seeing hints of ass, but it’s so tame and un-graphic that I didn’t even bother cutting it to scrub through with the light bumped up to see if there was anything there, because at those angles, it was always going to be little or nothing.

When we finally do get to this, the only full frontal Maria Bello nude scene in existence, it’s easy to disbelieve your eyes and wonder whether anything was actually in view, especially since the open robe she’s wearing covers her tits most of the time. It covers her classic bush almost none of the time, and because she keeps her pubic hair trimmed in all of the right places, even her pussy lips are visible if you look close enough. I’m talking about inner labia, gentlemen. Maria Bello is sort of the queen of quick flash nude scenes, so this one is quite par for the course with that regard, but a lot more graphic in that all the rest are topless only, whereas here, we get all the full frontal nudity we can fap to. The video above has been slowed down to quarter speed so you can get an idea of exactly what’s happening, but the really magical way to enjoy Maria Bello naked in A History of Violence is with the carefully curated freeze frames below.

Nora-Jane Noone Naked – The Magdalene Sisters – HD Stream

God knows we took a lot of detours to get here, but we finish our tour of The Magdalene Sisters with a fap to the lovely Nora-Jane Noone naked. Not only is she my favorite of the lot – although I certainly feel treated with a lineup like we have in this scene – but she is also one of the first actresses I covered all the way back in the glory days of faptuary.net. A lot has changed since then. For starters, this is what the frame closest to the image directly about this paragraph looked like back in those humble times. But the only difference is that back then I just had the DVD whereas now I can stream it in HD, right? I don’t know. You tell me. This here is what the frame looks like in HD but without any further editing on my part. For reference, here is the full frame with all my color correction.

I’m not suggesting my work on this nude scene is my magnum opus – no, that would be the world famous Alexandra Daddario nude scene (for now) – but I am nonetheless extremely proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish in brining this nude scene to even more life. In fact, even when I thought I was done, I wasn’t done. Some more astute observers among you may notice that the shots look different here and in the Dorothy Duffy post compared to the posts for Eileen Walsh and Anne-Marie Duff. This is the kind of obsessive wank I get up to when the studios refuse to release one of my favorite nude scenes of all time on blu ray.

We get blessed with Nora-Jane Noone nude for the same reasons stated in the other three posts. The short version for those who aren’t interested in going through those is that Nora and friends are inmates at a nun’s convent laundry or something. They are being punished for reasons unknown, and true to real life, the nuns responsible for punishing the wayward girls are extremely sadistic and have a penchant for humiliation. This means forcing all the women to get completely naked, run in place, and then have degrading competitions over the girls’ private parts. Nora’s character, Bernadette, is the runner up for the hairiest bush award. I suppose, by extension, Nora-Jane Noone herself is since there is only one potential merkin in the entire lineup (I’m looking at you, Anne-Marie). That’s right, fully natural hairy pussies here. The film is set in the mid-20th century, so I respect them going for full authenticity, even down to the pubic hair.

The significance of Nora-Jane Noone topless in The Magdalene Sisters stretches beyond how fappable her body looks in the scene itself. You see, this movie is her very first acting role, so naturally it’s also her very first nude scene. You know what else it is? Her very last nude scene. And now that two full decades have passed since The Magdalene Sisters came out, I find it unlikely that that’s going to change. Don’t get me wrong, I hope we do get tons more Nora-Jane Noone nude scenes in the future, but I don’t want to hold out too much hope for something so unlikely. Is it weird that the Irish actress has held so firm on her no nudity policy all this time considering how exceptionally graphic and gratuitous her nude scene here is? Sure, but I’m glad that we got at least this. Almost makes it sweeter.

So there you have it, my present to everyone who watched The Descent and Doomsday and found themselves thinking just how much they’d like to see Nora-Jane Noone naked. By the way, I’ve found her career quite difficult to stay on top of due to her somewhat eccentric selection of projects, so if I have or perhaps in the future end up missing a lewd scene or, dare I suggest it, a full on Nora-Jane Noone nude scene, please do let me know by dropping a comment, hitting up the contact page, or shooting me a tweet at the official Twitter page.

Kelly Brook Naked – Survival Island aka Three – HD Stream

I’ve been holding back on covering a post of Kelly Brook naked all the way back since 2012, when the .NET days began. The reasoning being that of all the nude scenes she’s done in film and television, the ones in Survival Island were the only ones I consider gratuitous enough for a satisfying fap. Sure, we got a Kelly Brook sex scene in Metal Hurlant Chronicles, but as far as actual nudity goes, we got a bit of sideboob with some barely visible nipple. Then there was the skinny dipping scene in Piranha 3D, and that one wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t the best at showcasing our English rose’s natural assets.

So why wait this long to post the Survival Island nude scenes then? The answer is because I was always sure that a blu ray release was just around the corner. Yes, all the way back to 2012, I thought there was no point covering, say, the DVD version of it because the blu ray would be better when it came out. But it never did. Still hasn’t. And that perplexed me so much because the DVD was all the rage. Everyone and their grandmother had it, and everyone and their grandmother fapped to it. The fact that the production company didn’t take this as their cue to release it in full HD is bizarre. Except they kind of did…

You can enjoy Kelly Brook nude in Survival Island in full HD from Amazon or any of the other streaming services that carry the film. It would obviously be of much better quality if it was a blu ray, but having watched it in HD for the first time a few days ago, this blows my old DVD out of the water a million times over. And so I decided that I wasn’t going to wait for the day that never comes any longer and would instead pour my efforts into editing the HD stream into the crispest, clearest, most fappable final product I can get. I’m not displeased with my final result. On a side note, rewatching the movie from start to finish for the first time in a million years, I’m not displeased with movie itself either. Yeah, even when she’s not nude, Kelly Brook is in a bikini pretty much throughout the whole thing, which ain’t bad, but also, I forgot just how good the movie was. Even the acting is phenomenal. We’ve got ham sandwich Billy Zane as one of the leads alongside Page 3 girl Kelly Brook, who I only learned the other day for the first time actually attended the prestigious Italia Conti Academy of Theatre Arts. I have no clue why everyone had such a fucking problem with it – plebs.

The first time we see Kelly Brook topless in Survival Island is during a sex scene right near the beginning of the film. She’s riding cowgirl with her wrists bound and over her head, and even though the camera starts out behind her, her boobs are so big and majestic, that you can clearly see them as they thrash side to side, all but wrapping around her torso with each swing. The teasing doesn’t last long. The very next shot is from the side, giving a great profile shot of her left breast and big eraser nipple. In fact, her nips are diamond hard throughout the movie, even though she’s supposed to be stranded on a tropical island. Hollywood knows which little details to focus on when doing nudity in films, although “little” definitely isn’t the word here. Kelly’s got herself some really voluminous, meaty nipples.

It’s not all happy news for Kelly Brook’s tits, though. In fact, their constant appearance in Survival Island led to a lawsuit. I’m not entirely sure what Kelly was thinking would happen when she filmed them, but neither her nor Billy Zane, who played her husband in the movie but was her fiancé in real life, were happy with the nudity that was to air. But then it went live anyway, and everyone spent the next two decades fapping to Kelly Brook nudes. Just a quick note to clear up any confusion: This movie is also known as Three in some markets. I’ve heard so many mixed messages about why it’s called this somewhere and that elsewhere that I’m not even going to bother to continue with that topic any further. So buckle up – or rather, get your buckle open – and enjoy the gallery below of Kelly Brook naked.