Fapsmith - Faptuary

Amber Heard Nude – The Joneses – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: October 13, 2012

I’ve had a massive crush on her since forever, which made finding out Amber Heard is a lesbian all that much more heartbreaking. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly aware of the fact that even if she wasn’t gay, I wouldn’t stand a proverb’s chance on the internet of ever landing her… but still. I mean, she has a perfect face, she has a perfect body, and if the somewhat creepy interview with Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear is any indication, she has a pretty solid personality. Meanwhile, here I am spending my Saturday nights helping men I’ve never met masturbate.

Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, yeah, Amber Heard in The Joneses. Any self-respecting fapper will remember her debut nude scene in Alpha Dog. Yeah, you didn’t see much, but it was certainly moistening. Then came The Informers, the orgasmic offering in which not only are the nude scenes nice and clear, but they also take up most of her screen time. Now we have The Joneses, which – if we’re to resume with the analogy – is the warm, soft cuddle after the deed is done. Sure, the scene is a bit short and kind of dark, but it certainly ain’t something to not be thankful for. Also, she’s a brunette in this film, which automatically scores bonus points with me.

Two notes on quality. If you noticed that the caps and video look slightly different, it’s because the caps have been color corrected to not be so dark. I was going to release the video with the same color correction initially, but it seemed a little too grainy in moving format, so the clip you’re getting is as it appears on the blu-ray. The color-corrected clip is available on demand, if anyone wants it.

The second note is that I’m switching encoding software. I don’t want to bore anyone with technical details, but the most noticeable difference is that I’ll now be encoding the videos in 2 passes rather than a single pass. What this means for you is that the videos will look clearer and take up less space for faster downloads. Also, I’ll be pushing the boundaries of internet porn by making a permanent switch to uber-high bitrate 15 mbps for all 1080p videos, which should actually make a visible difference now with the new encoding.

OK, enough of that. GIF’s on Tumblr; clip and caps below.

Alexis Knapp Nude – Project X – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: September 18, 2012

Looking past the joy of seeing Alexis Knapp nude, Project X is a fantastical dive into the world of (mostly imagined) teenage hedonism. Not that I think much of a spoiler warning is necessary, but – SPOILER – in this film, a high school “loser” throws a massive house party that ends up destroying his entire neighborhood. Far be it from me to be the proverbial party-pooper, but when the main villain of your movie is a guy who has work in the morning and a young baby that can’t sleep because of the hero’s party, I’d say the message has begun to get a bit crass.

But who are we to complain? This movie, after all, happens to feature the first ever glimpse of young actress Alexis Knapp naked, known partly for Couple’s Retreat, but mostly for going out with Ryan Phillippe and having big tits… and in this movie, you see them in their full glory. Well, kinda. You might feel slightly shafted by the blu-ray since, even though it does deliver Alexis Knapp nude in a full 1920 x 1080 image, the very nature of the film is one that is recorded with a camcorder, so the picture quality isn’t that great.

Of course, existent is better than nothing, and this is the only Alexis Knapp sex scene you’re going to find no matter how hard you look. The actress hadn’t done one before and probably won’t do one again, citing “moral issues”. Anyway, this one is done and there ain’t no taking that back now. You can find the great Alexis Knapp nude scene from Project X below. The caps have now been updated with newer color-corrected incarnations which give us a brighter and clearer view of the actress’ gorgeous boobies with minimal loss of quality. Enjoy, subscribe to the feed, tell your friends, do whatever you gotta do.

Carey Mulligan Nude – Shame – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: August 29, 2012

Fun fact: Shame is the second highest-grossing film with an NC-17 rating in history, narrowly missing Showgirls’ haul by only a few million. But considering the former’s critical acclaim against the universal panning of the latter, I think it’s clear who the real winner is. The rating isn’t coincidental either. This film has a lot of nudity. Apart from the film’s many female nude scenes, the director also dedicated an uncomfortable amount of screen time to Michael Fassbender’s cock.

The most prominent nude scene in the film that doesn’t include penises is Carey Mulligan’s. You may know her as Kitty Bennet from 2005′s Pride and Prejudice, or failing that, as the ex-girlfriend of Shia LaBeouf, who as we recently learned is no stranger to full frontal nude scenes himself. In spite of being so surrounded by constantly naked A-listers, Carey delivers a solid nude scene herself, and at that, one that graciously saves this film from being 2 hours of Michael Fassbender fanservice.

Caps and clip of this scene are below, and you can check out the GIFs here.

Nicky Whelan Nude – Hall Pass – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: August 18, 2012

Somehow, the Owen Wilson film Hall Pass slipped under my radar when it was released in 2011, but after recently hearing many great things and requests regarding the nude scene therein, I decided to get my hands on it. Now normally I’d be complaining about having to sit through one and a half hours of film before getting to half a minute of nudity, but I actually found myself captivated enough to not feel the time. The original script and sharp writing are refreshing against the landscape of remakes, sequels and adaptations that Hollywood is so saturated with these days.

Nicky Whelan – or, as she will doubtless be known as in many circles, “the Aussie in Hall Pass” – does both her career and lonely basement-dwelling men a huge favor in doing this, her first ever nude scene. Previously a television host and actress in her native Australia, she’s had a few American credits under her belt – most notably Halloween II and Scrubs – and now further completes the line-up by baring her mesmerizing melons for the camera. Next up: full frontal, we hope.

Clip and caps are available below and have been captured and encoded in 15 mbps from the blu-ray.

Jennifer Aniston Nude – Wanderlust – Blu ray

This is a revived post from the faptuary.net days. Click here for what this means. Information below may be neither current nor intelligent.
Original post: August 11, 2012

Remember all the ruckus over the nude scenes in then-upcoming film Wanderlust? Come on, sure you do. Jennifer Aniston herself was promising “a lot of nudity. And a lot of slow motion action nudity,” sweetening the deal by adding, “bottomless, topless. Yeah, there is. It’s happening,” and just in case all of that was too subtle, “there are naked people. It’s raunchy. It’s raucous.” Well, you know what?

That’s all the Jennifer Aniston nude scene you’re gonna get. That’s right. While not clear whether it’s because of the actress’ infamous prudishness, her new romance and now engagement to co-star Justin Theroux, or producer Judd Apatow’s insistence of filling every one of his films with only naked men, it was decided that the Jennifer Aniston nude scene would be pixelated in post-production. Curiously, the same care was not taken for the ten million flopping dicks in the film. Even Ray Liotta has a pointless cameo that consists almost entirely of showing his bare ass!

Malin Akerman is in this film too. You know her; she had that great nude scene in Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle (below left), and then another one in the superhero epic Watchmen (below right), and, well, in pretty much every movie she’s been in. Maybe if she had a dick, the closeted producers would not have made this movie such a jarring combo-breaker for her.

Nudity aside, sure, the film had a few good moments – like Paul Rudd’s hillbilly meltdown – but for the most part, it’s just self-gratifying, smug, pompous and choking on the thick yuppie-hipster stench it lets off, just like every other film by Judd Apatow.

For those that aren’t too bothered by the pixelation, here are the caps and clip of the Jennifer Aniston nude scene, capped from the blu-ray. Also, don’t forget to check out the exclusive GIFs on the official Tumblr blog.