Ass Nude - Page 5

Mary-Louise Parker Naked – Angels in America – HD Stream

For all the times that we’ve gotten scenes featuring Mary-Louise Parker naked, I find it a bit ironic that only one of them ever gave us the all-fabled full frontal nudity that so many fappers seek. Most of you will recognize the classic, and those that don’t can surely read the title on the top of this page, but I’m talking about the Mary-Louise Parker nude scene in HBO’s Angels in America. What you won’t recognize unless you’ve visited this exact page before is the new lick of color correction I’ve given it. I appreciate the fact that there are a few noticeable artifacts dotted here and there – certainly more than I’m normally satisfied with in my work – but given the quality of the original, that was always going to be unavoidable.

Just to be clear, in spite of it all, what you’re seeing on this page involved exactly zero AI upscaling. The entire process was done by pulling out details that are in the original footage, even though they may be hard or almost impossible to make out by the naked human eye in any of the original airs or releases. There’s a significance to this all, and that’s that what you’re seeing here is really 100% Mary-Louise Parker naked. None of this was “dreamed” by AI or recreated using galleries of similar content scrubbed from some training server. That clear cleft between Mary-Louise Parker’s pussy lips – it’s all her. It was always there; it’s just clearer to see now.

I do feel like it bears bringing up because for all of the times that this very specific Mary-Louise Parker nude scene has been posted throughout the internet, the quality has always been absolute ass. It’s not something anyone can blame the original cappers for either. I really can’t be bothered to dig into the technical details of how HBO did or didn’t shoot Angels in America, but it’s not exactly the crispest image around. The good news, of course, is that as long as I can get it in at least 1080p full HD and without inappropriate levels of compression, there’s usually a whole lot more information hidden in the pixels than people realize. In this case, it’s our favorite Southern girl’s outer labia peeking out from beneath her regal bush. Truly the best of both worlds.

I’m not going to do a full descriptor of every scene in which we have ever seen Mary-Louise Parker naked, but I will do a rundown of films to catch if you want to complete your collection. OK, everyone ready? Here goes. Grand Canyon (1991), the appropriately named Naked in New York (1993), Mr. Wonderful (1993), Goodbye Lover (1998), Let the Devil Wear Black (1999), The Five Senses (1999), Master Spy: The Robert Hanssen Story (2002), and of course I would be derelict in my duties to the highest degree if I didn’t mention the Showtime series Weeds, which was about a single mother battling against inflation in landscaping rates or something. In any event, it got a lot of nudity out of the actress, including the infamous bathtub scene, which I’ve always felt evoked the similarly legendary bathtub scene from both versions of Shameless. But let’s not go down too many tangents. Let’s enjoy Mary-Louise Parker nude in Angels in America instead.

Margaret Qualley Naked – Stars at Noon – HD Stream

I always knew I enjoyed seeing Margaret Qualley naked, but I never realized just how much I would enjoy seeing Margaret Qualley naked while sitting on a toilet. Just to be clear, it’s her sitting on the toilet, not me. Although I could sit on the toilet too while having a fap to Margaret sitting on the toilet. Is there a variation of the blumpkin that involves masturbation instead of a blowjob? Anyway, no blumpkins occur in Stars at Noon, but what does occur very often is footage of Margaret Qualley nude. I’m not joking when I say that there were so many nude scenes wherein the actress got her clothes off, that I almost got bored of them. Almost.

Stars at Noon is a bit of a strange egg. For starters, IMDB states, as I write, that it’s set in 1984. The characters also have mobile phones and have to constantly go through COVID-19 checkpoints and wear those insufferable blue masks. There are a number of explanations for this. Explanation 1 is that the film is anachronistic and brings modern technological and cultural dynamics to 80s Nicaragua. I like this explanation. It makes it quite magical. Explanation 2 is that IMDB is wrong. In fact, by the time you’re reading this, that link up there might no longer even say anything about it being 1984. Explanation 3 is that everyone is stupid except for me. Jury’s still out.

I’m certainly not finding reasons to complain about a movie that gives us Margaret Qualley nude scenes as often as Stars at Noon does. I just find it all very idiosyncratic. In the nicest way possible, of course. The other thing that stands out about Stars at Noon is something I alluded to earlier, and that’s that it’s the first movie I’ve seen that fits an aesthetic that has now reached film – covidcore. I’m sure when cowboys were herding cattle on the western frontier or sodomizing one another or whatever, they never thought that their way of life would become an entire genre, and now we are experiencing the same.

And I’m really glad that they got Margaret Qualley topless in Stars at Noon, because if they hadn’t, I would not yet have discovered this ridiculous genre any more than if I hadn’t watched Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy for the incredible nude scenes, I wouldn’t have researched Lucy Aarden and found her role in Nemesis and thus discovered the asdacore genre. Admittedly, as a non-member of the British organized crime world, covidcore is a bit more relatable for me compared to asdacore, but all the geezers in the latter genre are about 60-years-old, so I’ve still got time to achieve that lifestyle. Wait, what were we talking about?

The six million Margaret Qualley sex scenes in Stars at Noon, of course. Joe Alwyn co-stars, and apparently there has been some thirst to see him naked. I’m sorry to inform all the ladies and gayboys reading this that we do not see Joe Alwyn nude in Stars at Noon. Yes, he is in a lot of the sex scenes and the character is presumably unclothed, but no penis ever appears on the screen. It’s actually kind of ironic considering Claire Denis is both the writer and director of Stars at Night, and she is unlikely to have the same aversion to male nudity in film that good ol’ boy directors might. That said, my philosophy – which I’ve repeated time and time again across many posts on the Faptuary – is that women write and direct some of the best nude scenes involving actresses, not actors, so I suppose it still works.

I’m not going to go into a breakdown of every time we see Margaret Qualley naked because the scenes are many and kind of repetitive in their content. The variations are major enough to be noticeable but not major enough to warrant individual descriptors. The short version is as follows: There are lots of sex scenes. There is no full frontal nudity, even though Margaret Qualley has form for it. The nude scenes are gratuitous as anything. Seriously, the movie could have functioned the same without 90% of them, which really just makes me appreciate the filmmaker’s efforts that much more. I actually have for a while and continue to intend to cover some more nudity from the actress, but all in due time. In the meanwhile, enjoy Margaret Qualley nude in Stars at Noon below.

Olivia Colman Naked – Confetti – HD Stream

There is only one feature in which we have seen Olivia Colman naked, and it wasn’t even meant to be. In an interview with The Guardian back in 2007, the year after Confetti came out, the Norvician actress described filming the movie as “the worst experience of [her] life.” Apparently, the Olivia Colman nude scenes we got should have included a lot less nudity. In the same interview, the Academy Award-winning actress said that she was led to believe that “the nudity wouldn’t be quite as awful as it was.” Robert Webb, her co-star, said that he was told the nudity would all be pixelated, only finding out it wasn’t at the screening, where co-star Jessica Hynes apparently made a cheeky comment about his pee-pee, which sounds like something straight out of a CFNM fantasy.

So what are these Olivia Colman nude scenes everyone is referring to? Well, in the film, she plays a naturist – or, if you prefer the less in vogue term, a nudist. Who could have thought that there would be nudity in a film where one set of characters are nudists? Madness! To be fair, if the deal was that it was going to be pixelated, then that’s a pretty scummy move that the studio pulled on our Sophie. Worked out pretty well for all the fappers out there who have wanted to see Olivia Colman naked since Peep Show, but I suppose I would be none too impressed if I were in that situation. Doubly so when you consider that the actress has always (presumably intentionally) had a no nudity policy. I don’t even know if she has any lewds out there, let alone nudes.

I know you might be thinking that it was some Harvey Weinstein-type greaseball character that is responsible for the Olivia Colman nude scenes that should not be, but it was none other than Nativity! creator and frequent Martin Freeman collaborator Debbie Isitt. Well, she was the director and writer of the film in any event, which once again reinforces my oft-repeated belief that women direct and write some of the best nude scenes. Before you ask, yes, Martin Freeman is in Confetti as well, but no, Bilbo Baggins does not get his dick out. And while we’re at it, we don’t see co-stars Meredith MacNeill or Jessica Hynes nude either. The only naturists from among the main characters are Olivia and Robert Webb’s characters.

But to compensate for that, we sure do see Olivia Colman topless a lot in Confetti. For starters, she is literally completely naked for the majority of her scenes, and in some portion of them, she’s topless but wearing a scarf-like thing around her waist. Very frustratingly, these tend to be the scenes where we would have gotten a nice, close-up frontal shot of her trimmed pubic region, but to be fair, that’s almost certainly why she was wearing the scarf in those moments in the first place. That’s not to say that we got nothing close. There were quite a few scenes where her bush is on show and even a few frames where if you look really, really, really, really hard, you can just about make out her pussy lips. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Confetti remains the only movie where you can see Olivia Colman’s tits, and with her meteoric success over the past decade, this is unlikely to change. Add into the equation that these nude scenes should not have been released in the first place, and that makes it a near certainty. But realistically, after winning the six million prestigious awards that she has, including a literal Oscar, I don’t imagine the 48-year-old actress starring in a string of boob scenes now. I appreciate that didn’t stop Emma Thompson in the most explicit nude scenes of her career, and in her 60s, no less, but that’s far from standard. When there is famine in the future, the best we can do is remember the feasts of the past, and so I give you Olivia Colman naked in Confetti.

Saoirse Ronan Naked – Ammonite – Blu ray

Yes, this really is 100% Saoirse Ronan naked. No, it is not the most explicit nude scene ever filmed, nor anywhere close. I’m getting both of those out of the way right from the start because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed if they were expecting something more graphic, and I don’t want anyone crying fake or body double or anything like that. The important thing to focus on in times of nudity famine is that we very genuinely did get to see Saoirse Ronan nude in Ammonite. While I’m getting bad news out of the way, I’ll add that the original scene is so dark, that even with the blu ray as a source and no further compression, the range of light was narrow enough that it begins to look like absolute ass when you bump it up.

Speaking of ass, that’s most of what we get to see from Saoirse Ronan nude in Ammonite. The context is that Kate Winslet is eating her pussy out. No, I’m not joking. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s about famed paleontologist Mary Anning and geologist Charlotte Murchison, whom the filmmaker has decided were secretly in a lesbian relationship in the 1840s. I’m still not joking. It’s the kind of fanfiction you read on Wattpad. That’s not to say I disliked the movie. I thought it was great. After all, it is literally the only film in which we can see Saoirse Ronan naked.

Someone is going to point out that very early in the American-born Irish actress’ career, we did see Saoirse Ronan nude in How I Live Now (2013). You would certainly be forgiven for assuming that was legit. After all, Saoirse herself talked in an interview with MTV (YouTube mirror) about filming a sex scene in that movie and being half-naked… but that’s the hint, isn’t it? “Half-naked.” If she was only half-naked in her nude scenes, then who was completely naked in her nude scenes? The answer is Laura Harold. Very nice body, but we can equivocally confirm that Saoirse Ronan did use a body double in How I Live Now.

As for the Saoirse Ronan sex scene with Kate Winslet in Ammonite, all indication is that it is all her. It’s true that we don’t see Soairse’s boobs and face in the same frame – like, ever – but one or two shots do pan between them without a cut. Glamour certainly felt it was sufficiently intimate and authentic, but if that’s not enough for you, the Daily Mail have an entire article about how honored Saoirse was to rub her pussy lips all over Kate Winslet’s face on her birthday. And then there’s some other very explicit sex talk in it for good measure. Quite unexpected from an actress that hadn’t done nude scenes before and hasn’t done them since, but I sure ain’t complaining. Here’s Saoirse Ronan naked in Ammonite.

Lucy Aarden Naked – Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy – Blu ray

If I had to give one reason to watch Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy, it would be to see Lucy Aarden naked. I’m neither joking nor exaggerating when I say that this movie contains one of the greatest nude scenes of all time. The Lucy Aarden nude scene in the shower in the film is absolute perfection as far as film and television nudity goes. I understand that some of you may have reservations around it being a little bit dark overall, so I’d like to qualify my statement by saying that I grade the quality of a nude scene by how much detail is technically there, even if it’s not obvious at first glance. In other words, if the actress’ pussy lips appear to be in shadow in the scene but are made visible with a bit of digital trickery (AI not allowed, of course), that fits the bill.

And that is definitely the case in Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy. To be fair, even when you watch the film with the color grading and lighting that the producers intended, it’s not particularly difficult to make out the trimmed bush on Lucy’s pudenda or the cleft between her labia (what? too clinical?), but with the kinds of touch-ups that I put the footage through, it’s about as clear as if it had been shot with the English actress standing at the confluence of a hundred spotlights. I’m sure the results speak for themselves, but I feel obligated to say that there’s no part of Lucy Aarden nude that isn’t visible here.

Death Race may not be the only franchise in which we get to see Lucy Aarden nude (more on that in a bit), but this movie is definitely the one where we get to see her the most naked. The color correction reveals that even her inner labia feature in the shots. Inner labia! Seriously, I challenge any of you to tell me how many mainstream movies (pornos of any breed excluded) have their mainstream actresses do nude scenes with their inner labia clearly visible. The only way this nude scene could be more explicit is if the Shakespearean actress was pulling her pussy lips apart while the camera does an extreme close-up of her clit. Lucy, if you’re reading this and have been considering future steps in your career, yes, there definitely is a market for that.

The funny thing is that we’ve only seen Lucy Aarden topless in one other feature, so it’s not like this is a sort of career trajectory for her or anything like that. A year after her watershed performance in Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy, she was in an episode of Game of Thrones as Craya or Crayah, a King’s Landing prostitute. She got naked for that. Of course she did. It was Game of Thrones, after all, which still had a reputation for rampant, gratuitous, and wholly unnecessary nudity, unlike its significantly more tame successor, House of the Dragon.

Didn’t quite get a Lucy Aarden sex scene in that fated episode, but that’s more than made up for in this movie, which includes multiple shots of her being taken doggy style by Frankenstein, including more than one of her tits bouncing and swaying in a nature as graphic as is fit for a softcore porn film. Seriously, I cannot stress enough just how gratuitous the nudity is in this movie. The fact that so many of the extras are running around topless or bare-ass naked half the time is one thing, but it’s even other named characters, including Vanina Arias’ character, whom I’d covered earlier. Sadly, no nude scenes from Christine Marzano or Yennis Cheung, who play the sort of background roles of female protagonists, but with an antagonist like Lucy Aarden’s Carley, the perpetually nude Betty Boop-sounding villain, that’s more than made up for.

You’re all aware that I don’t cover pornography on the Faptuary. For this reason, I want to touch back on the point I’d made a few times about Lucy Aarden being a mainstream and serious actress. While I understand that a secondary role in a “straight-to-DVD ‘geezer’ movie” is far from exemplary of such status, the actress’ role in Nemesis does nonetheless reinforce the point. What reinforces it even more is Lucy Aarden’s theater pedigree – from the stage to not-exactly-the-stage to pure voice work, the last of which apparently includes voice dubbing for (presumably the extras) in Death Race itself.

I could probably go on forever talking about Lucy Aarden nude in Beyond Anarchy, but space is limited and so is any sane person’s attention span when exposed to my absolute drivel, so I’ll just start pulling to a close by reiterating that this is genuinely among the greatest nude scenes ever made, and I’m quite pleased with the result of my color correction, which, if I do say so myself, blew the others out of the water. Also, if someone wants to bring up the Lucy Aarden nude scene in Endeavour, guess again. Finally, it’s not easy to spot in this film, but Lucy’s heterochromia bumps her up from a solid 10 to a mathematically-impossible 11 for me. Enough babble. Unzip that fly and enjoy Lucy Aarden naked in Death Race: Beyond Anarchy.