Ass Nude - Page 5

Kelly MacDonald Naked – Trainspotting – Blu ray

There is a lot of controversy over where we have or haven’t seen Kelly MacDonald naked. I’m just going to say right off the bat that everything you’re seeing on this page is definitely the real deal. The Kelly MacDonald nude scene in Trainspotting is all her. In fact, not only was this her nude debut, and not only was it her film debut, it was her all-over acting debut. I guess it’s a bit more difficult to negotiate a body double when you’re in that situation.

As for after the fact – well, that’s a different story. The Scottish actress revealed last year – to absolutely no one’s surprise – that she has been using body doubles for her nude scenes. I’ve mentioned before when doing analyses of high-profile film and television nudity that the biggest cause for suspicion is when an actress’ face and boobs don’t appear in the same continuous shot at any point in a nude scene, and this sentiment has been repeated by seasoned fappers many a time for most of the nude scenes that our Glasgow girl has done over the past two decades or so.

So then is Trainspotting the only film or television series in which we have seen Kelly MacDonald nude? The short answer is no. For the long answer, I’ve had to dig a little bit deeper. My first stop was The Topless Review’s British Nudity Database, and for what it’s worth, the rest of my investigation only served to confirm what was written there. As I mentioned earlier, it’s become a matter of general knowledge that Kelly MacDonald body doubles get more screen time than she does, but even so, I did find some reputable sources for celeb nudity reporting that the nude scenes in HBO’s Boardwalk Empire and 2019’s Dirt Music were Kelly, but I’m afraid that was not the case for either.

The good news is that we have seen Kelly MacDonald topless in other movies. We’ve seen her tits in two others, to be precise, although I’m sad to report that her ass has been in hiding since that fateful scene in 1996. We get Kelly MacDonald nude scenes in Some Voices (2000) and The Girl in the Café (2005). That leaves us a whole 17 years away from her last one, and given her recent(ish) statements about body doubles, that is highly unlikely to change. Good thing recorded media is forever.

Which brings us back to that Kelly MacDonald sex scene with Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting. The young actress plays Diane, a girl the protagonist meets in a nightclub, goes home with that same night, gets his dick ridden by while thinking about football, and then gets banished by to sleep on the couch in the hallway. Yes, quite the rollercoaster, but in that time, we get the full 360 degree view of Kelly Macdonald’s naked body, and that ain’t nothing to complain about. Whether we’re going to get a late career surprise à la Emma Thompson or whether the Line of Duty actress is going to stick to her guns, no one can say, but for now, we can certainly enjoy Kelly MacDonald nude in Trainspotting.

Mary-Louise Parker Naked – Angels in America – HD Stream

For all the times that we’ve gotten scenes featuring Mary-Louise Parker naked, I find it a bit ironic that only one of them ever gave us the all-fabled full frontal nudity that so many fappers seek. Most of you will recognize the classic, and those that don’t can surely read the title on the top of this page, but I’m talking about the Mary-Louise Parker nude scene in HBO’s Angels in America. What you won’t recognize unless you’ve visited this exact page before is the new lick of color correction I’ve given it. I appreciate the fact that there are a few noticeable artifacts dotted here and there – certainly more than I’m normally satisfied with in my work – but given the quality of the original, that was always going to be unavoidable.

Just to be clear, in spite of it all, what you’re seeing on this page involved exactly zero AI upscaling. The entire process was done by pulling out details that are in the original footage, even though they may be hard or almost impossible to make out by the naked human eye in any of the original airs or releases. There’s a significance to this all, and that’s that what you’re seeing here is really 100% Mary-Louise Parker naked. None of this was “dreamed” by AI or recreated using galleries of similar content scrubbed from some training server. That clear cleft between Mary-Louise Parker’s pussy lips – it’s all her. It was always there; it’s just clearer to see now.

I do feel like it bears bringing up because for all of the times that this very specific Mary-Louise Parker nude scene has been posted throughout the internet, the quality has always been absolute ass. It’s not something anyone can blame the original cappers for either. I really can’t be bothered to dig into the technical details of how HBO did or didn’t shoot Angels in America, but it’s not exactly the crispest image around. The good news, of course, is that as long as I can get it in at least 1080p full HD and without inappropriate levels of compression, there’s usually a whole lot more information hidden in the pixels than people realize. In this case, it’s our favorite Southern girl’s outer labia peeking out from beneath her regal bush. Truly the best of both worlds.

I’m not going to do a full descriptor of every scene in which we have ever seen Mary-Louise Parker naked, but I will do a rundown of films to catch if you want to complete your collection. OK, everyone ready? Here goes. Grand Canyon (1991), the appropriately named Naked in New York (1993), Mr. Wonderful (1993), Goodbye Lover (1998), Let the Devil Wear Black (1999), The Five Senses (1999), Master Spy: The Robert Hanssen Story (2002), and of course I would be derelict in my duties to the highest degree if I didn’t mention the Showtime series Weeds, which was about a single mother battling against inflation in landscaping rates or something. In any event, it got a lot of nudity out of the actress, including the infamous bathtub scene, which I’ve always felt evoked the similarly legendary bathtub scene from both versions of Shameless. But let’s not go down too many tangents. Let’s enjoy Mary-Louise Parker nude in Angels in America instead.

Margaret Qualley Naked – Stars at Noon – HD Stream

I always knew I enjoyed seeing Margaret Qualley naked, but I never realized just how much I would enjoy seeing Margaret Qualley naked while sitting on a toilet. Just to be clear, it’s her sitting on the toilet, not me. Although I could sit on the toilet too while having a fap to Margaret sitting on the toilet. Is there a variation of the blumpkin that involves masturbation instead of a blowjob? Anyway, no blumpkins occur in Stars at Noon, but what does occur very often is footage of Margaret Qualley nude. I’m not joking when I say that there were so many nude scenes wherein the actress got her clothes off, that I almost got bored of them. Almost.

Stars at Noon is a bit of a strange egg. For starters, IMDB states, as I write, that it’s set in 1984. The characters also have mobile phones and have to constantly go through COVID-19 checkpoints and wear those insufferable blue masks. There are a number of explanations for this. Explanation 1 is that the film is anachronistic and brings modern technological and cultural dynamics to 80s Nicaragua. I like this explanation. It makes it quite magical. Explanation 2 is that IMDB is wrong. In fact, by the time you’re reading this, that link up there might no longer even say anything about it being 1984. Explanation 3 is that everyone is stupid except for me. Jury’s still out.

I’m certainly not finding reasons to complain about a movie that gives us Margaret Qualley nude scenes as often as Stars at Noon does. I just find it all very idiosyncratic. In the nicest way possible, of course. The other thing that stands out about Stars at Noon is something I alluded to earlier, and that’s that it’s the first movie I’ve seen that fits an aesthetic that has now reached film – covidcore. I’m sure when cowboys were herding cattle on the western frontier or sodomizing one another or whatever, they never thought that their way of life would become an entire genre, and now we are experiencing the same.

And I’m really glad that they got Margaret Qualley topless in Stars at Noon, because if they hadn’t, I would not yet have discovered this ridiculous genre any more than if I hadn’t watched Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy for the incredible nude scenes, I wouldn’t have researched Lucy Aarden and found her role in Nemesis and thus discovered the asdacore genre. Admittedly, as a non-member of the British organized crime world, covidcore is a bit more relatable for me compared to asdacore, but all the geezers in the latter genre are about 60-years-old, so I’ve still got time to achieve that lifestyle. Wait, what were we talking about?

The six million Margaret Qualley sex scenes in Stars at Noon, of course. Joe Alwyn co-stars, and apparently there has been some thirst to see him naked. I’m sorry to inform all the ladies and gayboys reading this that we do not see Joe Alwyn nude in Stars at Noon. Yes, he is in a lot of the sex scenes and the character is presumably unclothed, but no penis ever appears on the screen. It’s actually kind of ironic considering Claire Denis is both the writer and director of Stars at Night, and she is unlikely to have the same aversion to male nudity in film that good ol’ boy directors might. That said, my philosophy – which I’ve repeated time and time again across many posts on the Faptuary – is that women write and direct some of the best nude scenes involving actresses, not actors, so I suppose it still works.

I’m not going to go into a breakdown of every time we see Margaret Qualley naked because the scenes are many and kind of repetitive in their content. The variations are major enough to be noticeable but not major enough to warrant individual descriptors. The short version is as follows: There are lots of sex scenes. There is no full frontal nudity, even though Margaret Qualley has form for it. The nude scenes are gratuitous as anything. Seriously, the movie could have functioned the same without 90% of them, which really just makes me appreciate the filmmaker’s efforts that much more. I actually have for a while and continue to intend to cover some more nudity from the actress, but all in due time. In the meanwhile, enjoy Margaret Qualley nude in Stars at Noon below.

Olivia Colman Naked – Confetti – HD Stream

There is only one feature in which we have seen Olivia Colman naked, and it wasn’t even meant to be. In an interview with The Guardian back in 2007, the year after Confetti came out, the Norvician actress described filming the movie as “the worst experience of [her] life.” Apparently, the Olivia Colman nude scenes we got should have included a lot less nudity. In the same interview, the Academy Award-winning actress said that she was led to believe that “the nudity wouldn’t be quite as awful as it was.” Robert Webb, her co-star, said that he was told the nudity would all be pixelated, only finding out it wasn’t at the screening, where co-star Jessica Hynes apparently made a cheeky comment about his pee-pee, which sounds like something straight out of a CFNM fantasy.

So what are these Olivia Colman nude scenes everyone is referring to? Well, in the film, she plays a naturist – or, if you prefer the less in vogue term, a nudist. Who could have thought that there would be nudity in a film where one set of characters are nudists? Madness! To be fair, if the deal was that it was going to be pixelated, then that’s a pretty scummy move that the studio pulled on our Sophie. Worked out pretty well for all the fappers out there who have wanted to see Olivia Colman naked since Peep Show, but I suppose I would be none too impressed if I were in that situation. Doubly so when you consider that the actress has always (presumably intentionally) had a no nudity policy. I don’t even know if she has any lewds out there, let alone nudes.

I know you might be thinking that it was some Harvey Weinstein-type greaseball character that is responsible for the Olivia Colman nude scenes that should not be, but it was none other than Nativity! creator and frequent Martin Freeman collaborator Debbie Isitt. Well, she was the director and writer of the film in any event, which once again reinforces my oft-repeated belief that women direct and write some of the best nude scenes. Before you ask, yes, Martin Freeman is in Confetti as well, but no, Bilbo Baggins does not get his dick out. And while we’re at it, we don’t see co-stars Meredith MacNeill or Jessica Hynes nude either. The only naturists from among the main characters are Olivia and Robert Webb’s characters.

But to compensate for that, we sure do see Olivia Colman topless a lot in Confetti. For starters, she is literally completely naked for the majority of her scenes, and in some portion of them, she’s topless but wearing a scarf-like thing around her waist. Very frustratingly, these tend to be the scenes where we would have gotten a nice, close-up frontal shot of her trimmed pubic region, but to be fair, that’s almost certainly why she was wearing the scarf in those moments in the first place. That’s not to say that we got nothing close. There were quite a few scenes where her bush is on show and even a few frames where if you look really, really, really, really hard, you can just about make out her pussy lips. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Confetti remains the only movie where you can see Olivia Colman’s tits, and with her meteoric success over the past decade, this is unlikely to change. Add into the equation that these nude scenes should not have been released in the first place, and that makes it a near certainty. But realistically, after winning the six million prestigious awards that she has, including a literal Oscar, I don’t imagine the 48-year-old actress starring in a string of boob scenes now. I appreciate that didn’t stop Emma Thompson in the most explicit nude scenes of her career, and in her 60s, no less, but that’s far from standard. When there is famine in the future, the best we can do is remember the feasts of the past, and so I give you Olivia Colman naked in Confetti.

Saoirse Ronan Naked – Ammonite – Blu ray

Yes, this really is 100% Saoirse Ronan naked. No, it is not the most explicit nude scene ever filmed, nor anywhere close. I’m getting both of those out of the way right from the start because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed if they were expecting something more graphic, and I don’t want anyone crying fake or body double or anything like that. The important thing to focus on in times of nudity famine is that we very genuinely did get to see Saoirse Ronan nude in Ammonite. While I’m getting bad news out of the way, I’ll add that the original scene is so dark, that even with the blu ray as a source and no further compression, the range of light was narrow enough that it begins to look like absolute ass when you bump it up.

Speaking of ass, that’s most of what we get to see from Saoirse Ronan nude in Ammonite. The context is that Kate Winslet is eating her pussy out. No, I’m not joking. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s about famed paleontologist Mary Anning and geologist Charlotte Murchison, whom the filmmaker has decided were secretly in a lesbian relationship in the 1840s. I’m still not joking. It’s the kind of fanfiction you read on Wattpad. That’s not to say I disliked the movie. I thought it was great. After all, it is literally the only film in which we can see Saoirse Ronan naked.

Someone is going to point out that very early in the American-born Irish actress’ career, we did see Saoirse Ronan nude in How I Live Now (2013). You would certainly be forgiven for assuming that was legit. After all, Saoirse herself talked in an interview with MTV (YouTube mirror) about filming a sex scene in that movie and being half-naked… but that’s the hint, isn’t it? “Half-naked.” If she was only half-naked in her nude scenes, then who was completely naked in her nude scenes? The answer is Laura Harold. Very nice body, but we can equivocally confirm that Saoirse Ronan did use a body double in How I Live Now.

As for the Saoirse Ronan sex scene with Kate Winslet in Ammonite, all indication is that it is all her. It’s true that we don’t see Soairse’s boobs and face in the same frame – like, ever – but one or two shots do pan between them without a cut. Glamour certainly felt it was sufficiently intimate and authentic, but if that’s not enough for you, the Daily Mail have an entire article about how honored Saoirse was to rub her pussy lips all over Kate Winslet’s face on her birthday. And then there’s some other very explicit sex talk in it for good measure. Quite unexpected from an actress that hadn’t done nude scenes before and hasn’t done them since, but I sure ain’t complaining. Here’s Saoirse Ronan naked in Ammonite.