Mariana Novak Naked – The Penal Colony – HD Stream

Mariana Novak naked as Nadezhda Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot in The Penal Colony

If you watched the new fourth season of Stranger Things this past week, you probably wanted to see Mariana Novak naked, even if it was only subconscious. The actress has a small role in the seventh episode as a nurse in the infirmary where Eleven and the other members of Junior Slipknot practice their superpowers. Although her character is not named beyond quite literally “Hawkins Infirmary Nurse”, she does have spoken lines, but most of all, I found myself captivated by her radiant beauty. As is always the case in situations such as these, my next move was to go onto Google Images and search for “mariana novak nude”.


I did indeed get a number of images of Mariana Novak nude. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the offerings, though. It’s nothing to do with the actress, of course. No, she is absolutely stunning. But the only Mariana Novak nude scenes available don’t offer quite the right arrangement of pixels to have an amazing fap to. She had a nude scene in Ozark, but even if you put aside how dark it is, the camera is mostly behind her, catching only a little bit of sideboob. Not enough for a seasoned fapper. The only other option is her nude scene in The Penal Colony. The camera is coming in from the right direction and there is plenty of full frontal nudity. The only problem is that it’s quite dark. Since I’m never one to back down from a challenge, I viewed it as my duty to color correct it to maximum fappability, and here we are.

Mariana Novak nude as Nadezhda Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot in The Penal Colony

We see Mariana Novak nude in The Penal Colony, where she plays Nadezhda Tolokonnikova from the Russian band Pussy Riot. Called Nadya in the short, it’s a clipped bio of the activist and her time in a Russian women’s prison. The film details a number of the abuses she experienced as well as those she witnessed, one of which was the prominent scene where a fellow inmate is forced to strip and work completely naked for falling behind. The Mariana Novak nude scene we get is as part of a group shower scene. It includes, as previously mentioned, full frontal nudity, and from Mariana, that means tits, trimmed pubic hair, and even visible labia. The full short is available to watch on the filmmaker’s Vimeo.

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Suzanna Hamilton Naked – Nineteen Eighty-Four – Blu ray

Suzanna Hamilton naked and bending over with tits hanging

Even though her career never quite managed to reach superstar status, I still view Suzanna Hamilton naked in Nineteen Eighty-Four as one of the defining moments of the 80s. This post is a shoutout to Space Cowboy, who hooked me up with some really goddamn impressive rare footage, which I can’t wait to process and post (more on that later). I did a fair bit more color correction on this one to push the limits of maximum fappability. The tightrope of color correction gets narrower the further you get, leaving you balancing between crisp, clear, light footage and that which is (relatively) free of both artifacts and wash-out of subtler details that get wiped when you’re too aggressive with grain removal. Pubes fall victim to the last issue most harshly, which is really unfortunate when you’ve got a full bush as majestic as the one this English rose is rocking.




“Can I have more uninteresting technical details, Fapsmith?” Of course you can, but no one else wants to read that, so I’ll waffle on around that topic no more. The only thing else I’ll say on it is the following. The source I used for this post is the newly remastered blu ray of Nineteen Eighty-Four. Without being too much of a Negative Nancy, I didn’t feel that this remaster gave us leagues of progress over what came before it. Personally, I think the digitization is suboptimal, which is strange considering I’m certain this movie was shot on quality film back in the 80s, so there should be no excuses like “the CMOS sensor was a bit crap.”

Suzanna Hamilton nude with hands behind her head while being arrested

But you know, I really wanted to enjoy what I consider the best Suzanna Hamilton nude scene by far as best I could, so I worked with what was available. The remaster is better that its predecessor, even if it’s not by a country mile, so that certainly gives me a leg up in the process. The rest of it was just days of fine tuning. I feel like I have ended at the place where the tits and ass (or rather, tits and bush in this case) are of pretty damn good quality and the only significant artifacts and distortions are in the backgrounds. If I was working on a proper, serious restoration project, I could have cleaned all of that out too, but I can’t be bothered and no one’s fapping to the dirty wallpaper behind Suzanna Hamilton’s nude body anyway.

Suzanna Hamilton 80s bush visible in outdoor nude scene

The only part of Suzanna Hamilton nude that may have taken a teeny, tiny bit of damage in the “correction” process is her regally leonine 80s bush. I assure you this is not by choice, and to prevent this would take me an exceptionally long time (though I’m not ruling out doing it if there is enough demand for it). The very short version of a very long story is that a degree of grain needs to be smoothed out for the details to be sharpened in way that doesn’t create hideous artifacts all over the place. I know it sounds like I’m just destroying detail to create detail, but believe me when I say the end result is a significant improvement in that department. Except for with pubic hair.

Suzanna Hamilton full frontal naked shot with boobs and pussy on show

Yes, I did try my best to maintain the glory of the Suzanna Hamilton full frontal nude scene with as much of the original as possible, and if I may be so bold as to say, I think I did a passable job on the bush, but I won’t deny that some detail was lost in the process. If there is, once again, demand, I could release a complementary version of the work with scaled back, pube-preserving color correction, but y’all will just have to let me know if that’s what you want. If you want to build up some more public support on the matter, you can also leave a comment on this post or, of course, twat me at you-know-where.

Suzanna Hamilton topless and scared after being discovered by government thought police

So much for my promise to stick to talking about Suzanna Hamilton naked and not waffle too much about the technical aspects. Oh well. OK, so what do we have? Suzanna Hamilton gets nude in Nineteen Eighty-Four a lot. She plays Julie, who is a sex criminal (their term, not mine), so naturally this means there has to be tons and tons of nudity. The onslaught of Suzanna Hamilton nude scenes had nothing at all to do with selling tickets and home media, though. It was totally a completely artistic decision, which is why John Hurt’s dick has just as much screen time.

Suzanna Hamilton stripped and beaten by thought police while completely naked

The first time we see Suzanna Hamilton naked is when she undresses out in a field. She’s wearing no bra or panties, so when she takes her dress-overalls-hybrid thing off, everything is on show. Yes, that includes the full bush. And who doesn’t enjoy a bit of public nudity. The rest of her nude scenes take place in a dingy room, which is apparently the most erotic site in the world of Airstrip One. She just kind of wanders around completely naked a lot (legendary). She also gets arrested while completely nude and beaten with a baton while completely nude. Yeah, it gets kinda dark toward the end. Anyway, do enjoy the painstakingly cleaned up screen captures of Suzanna Hamilton nude from Nineteen Eighty-Four below.

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Frederikke Dahl Hansen Naked – Teenland – HD Stream

Frederikke Dahl Hansen naked while streaking through a prison hospital

You might recognize Frederikke Dahl Hansen naked from the earlier post where we covered Victoria Carmen Sonne nude in the same short. I am referring to Teenland, by director Marie Grahtø Sørensen, which is available to watch on her Vimeo profile. I have said in so many posts that female directors are responsible for many of the best nude scenes around, and with every post I add, it becomes more and more unwieldy to bring up all past examples or even an acceptably representative selection of same. My solution to this problem is the long-overdue introduction of the F-Rated tag, with a specific focus on female directors.


The Danish actress is perhaps most well known for Copenhagen, a (partially) English-language film about Renly Baratheon’s exodus from Westeros and quest to replace his beard, Margaery Tyrell, with a younger model. Then ice demons appear and burn the Christiansborg Slot to the ground or something… I don’t quite remember. Incidentally, that movie does contain a Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude scene, and even though the character is meant to be underage, do not panic, the actress was an adult when the movie was shot.

Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude in a bath tub with another girl

There is no shortage of Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude pics and videos on the internet. The actress has been generous to viewers, getting her tits out as often as the situation allows for it, let alone calls for it. A lot of these nude scenes have been in Danish features, so naturally, viewers from outside the small Scandinavian nation may not be aware of them, but if you’re looking for a good reason to expand the borders of your cultural knowledge, what better answer than titties?

Frederikke Dahl Hansen topless in a lesbian jail escape

We see Frederikke Dahl Hansen topless for the first time in Teenland when she apparates in a bathtub. In the first such shot, the camera is only catching the very top of her areola, so as with Victoria’s scene, you may think that you’re being teased into blue balls. Fortunately, this is quickly fixed when another camera angle takes center stage, showing us some amazing sideboob of Frederikke’s majestic pair.

Frederikke Dahl Hansen nipple showing as she lies in a tub with a girl

The other scene in which we see Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude is when she and her co-star are running through a corridor wearing nothing but pink panties, as one does. This scene is great because you effectively get 2-for-the-price-of-1 (or 4-for-the-price-of-2, depending on perspective). Frederikke is unfortunately no particularly in focus, being somewhat closer to the camera, and both actresses’ movements are rather fast, leaving considerably blur on the freeze frames, but that don’t mean they can’t be fapped to. That’s part 2 of 2 for the Danish short, so enjoy the screens of Frederikke Dahl Hansen nude in Teenland below.

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Victoria Carmen Sonne Naked – Teenland – HD Stream

Victoria Carmen Sonne naked and probed in a medical experiment

I do like a bit of international flavor at the expense of star power every now and then, so today’s post is about Victoria Carmen Sonne naked in Teenland. I’d like to get it out there, lest anyone accuses me of weak research for a website held in such high esteem by everyone, that the Danish actress has, as of last year, been getting credited as Vic Carmen Sonne. I’m not “deadnaming” to be petty. I’m using Victoria as her name because that’s what she was credited as in Teenland, and indeed, that’s what she has been credited as in just about everything she’s done. The latter point suggests that this is what more people will know her as, and how can I serve fappers to my best potential if they can’t find the material they want to fap to easily?


Teenland is a delightful Danish short about an institute for, in the director’s own words, “teens who are so fucked emotionally that they have developed supernatural powers.” Minus the “teens” part, that probably describes everyone who spends inordinate amounts of time fapping to celebrity pictures and videos online. Or maybe I’m just projecting. Fapping for days on end is a genuine superpower, so at least that part is true. All of you do that too, right? Right? Anyway, in case you didn’t bother to click it the first time because you thought it was yet another blue-balling link to IMDB, you can actually watch the full short on Vimeo.

Victoria Carmen Sonne nude while running down a Danish hospital hallway

The first time we see Victoria Carmen Sonne nude in Teenland is in the opening scene of the short. The intro credits roll through, and we’re cut to her standing in a clinical room with a bunch of medical… things stuck onto her. Of course, she is dressed in nothing but a pair of pink panties. At first, you think that you’re not going to get much of a clear shot of the good stuff since the best you get at these opening moments is a dodgy reflection in a mirror, but then, after some dancing around, the camera cuts to a frontal shot. The panties are obviously present, but other than that, there is nothing obscuring the aforementioned good stuff and the lighting is good. This shot lingers for a number of seconds as Victoria’s character, Sally, is beckoned to approach the direction of the camera.

Victoria Carmen Sonne topless while lying on a mortuary slab in a morgue

The next couple of scenes of Victoria Carmen Sonne topless aren’t as ideally fappable, but they ain’t bad either with some tactical freeze framing and solid color correction. There’s a scene of her in a bathtub, getting her head held underwater by Frederikke Dahl Hansen, who has her own nude scenes in this, by the way. That one has a few flashes of nip, but we get better in the scene of her and her co-star running down a hospital hallway, both topless, boobs bouncing. There’s an incredibly dark scene of the two actresses lying on mortuary slabs (as one does), and to be honest, I was surprised by how much nipple actually came out when I color corrected that one. I didn’t think much would be visible, but I was happy with my error in judgment.

Victoria Carmen Sonne ass and sideboob visible while dancing in her room

For all the ass men out there who have been thoroughly disappointed in the constant presence of panties, the very last Victoria Carmen Sonne nude scene in the short finally sees them gone. Yes, she is completely naked while dancing in her room. We do see a hint of bush, but that mere hint is all there is there. The good news for you ass men is that the reason that we don’t get the full frontal is because she has her ass to the camera for most of it, only disappearing toward the end as she bends over backward, giving us a terrific shot of her hard pokies. I’m not going to babble on for much longer, but before I close, I do want to mention that this is yet another feature with a female director that manages to have superior nude scenes.

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Kristen Connolly Naked – House of Cards – Blu ray

Kristen Connolly naked in her only nude scene from House of Cards

I realized last week that I really wanted to see Kristen Connolly naked. I was sitting in my hotel room in Amsterdam at night, having just been blue balled by the shameful sanitization of the city’s Red Light District. I got back to the foul, body odor-smelling room I paid a small fortune for and got blue balled yet again by the TV. You see, The Cabin in the Woods was playing. Cabin in the Woods hints at a Kristen Connolly nude scene a whopping three times throughout the course of the movie. Three goddamn times! It goes without that it never delivers. Before you say that Joss Whedon doesn’t do nude scenes (of his actresses, not of himself), Cabin in the Woods actually had one, so there really is no excuse. More on that in a second.


The first hint we get that we are going to see Kristen Connolly nude in Cabin in the Woods is right near the beginning of the film. She’s parading around her college dorm room in a top and no pants. No, she’s not Donald Ducking it, but the panties set the scene, especially with the revolving door of other characters wandering around her, including Chris Hemsworth, who informs her at the end of the scene that she is indeed not wearing pants. Obviously not the kind of thing that one notices about themselves, but we did get an eyeful of Kristen Connelly ass, so who are we to complain?

Kristen Connolly nude pics with nipple showing after sex scene

The next tease we get for source material for Kristen Connolly nude pics is when the main characters go for a swim in a lake. The scene has actresses running around in bikinis, plenty of horseplay, and the people running the show talking about releasing pheromones. It seems obvious that it’s going for some nudity, right? Those Kristen Connolly nudes that we’ve hungered for so long are just around the corner, right? Nope, all you get is blue balls. Now, to be fair, we get some blue ball relief in the third and final hint, which is a nude scene from Anna Hutchison (of Spartacus fame), but alas, that only lines up with her being (spoiler alert) the ritual’s designated “whore,” whereas Dana, Kristen’s character, is the designated “virgin.”

Kristen Connolly sexy in bed and trying to hide her hot body

Perhaps even more frustrating is that even if you wanted to scale your expectations right back, plop into Google Images, and type in “kristen connolly sexy,” you would get a whole lot of images that make your average PG-13 production look like a hardcore porn set. I’d make a point here about Disney Channel being less tame than these offerings, but frankly, where we’re going, former Disney starlets are some of the most explicit out there. Even in Cabin in the Woods, the shots that feature Kristen in a bikini are obscured and filmed from far away, and the panty shot from near the beginning of the film spends most of itself showing nothing but her legs, like we’re all a bunch of Second World War GIs that haven’t seen a woman in months and would take any scrap we can get.

Kristen Connolly topless with boobs showing while putting on a dress shirt

So I suppose it’s some part funny and some part random that it ended up being House of Cards, of all things, that finally delivered the Kristen Connolly topless scene everyone has been waiting for. It is rather blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, I’m sorry to say, but we don’t really get to see Kristen Connolly nude anywhere else, so we can only be thankful to producer Kevin Spacey for making this happen. Then again, in light of what came after, maybe the whole situation is a bit dark. Speaking of, the debut episode of the show also has a scene of Kate Mara sitting on a toilet and taking a dump. Thought you ought to know. In any event, I present for you the 4 nanoseconds of the only scene in existence featuring Kristen Connolly nude.

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