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Polly Walker Naked – Rome – Blu ray

It was about time to do a nice, beefy post, and what better topic to do it with than Polly Walker naked in HBO’s Rome? Yeah, shame on you if you thought that Fapsmith was going to make a habit out of phoning it in with lean posts of 5 second-long nude scenes. I obviously had the exact opposite to work with when going through Rome. The series itself has a cornucopia of nude scenes from a number of the actresses, but even when you drill it down, we got a variety of Polly Walker nude scenes split across four separate episodes, coming in at second place for the most amount of nudity in the series, losing only to her in-show daughter Octavia, played be Irish actress Kerry Condon.

It is actually a bit funny because I remember back when Rome came out in 2005, it did have a bit of a reputation for being a gratuitous nudity fest. Certainly a large part of that reputation was well-deserved. For instance, when color correcting for these very scenes in this post, I cam across something that may slip under your radars as you watch the videos above and certainly slipped under most people’s radars, my own included, when watching the show as it’s meant to be on TV. My rather aggressive color correction, however, brought it out nice and clear. I’m talking about Lee Boardman’s ballsack slapping Polly Walker’s bare ass during their sex scene. Seriously, this is practically hardcore porn-tier. Considering it is clear that neither actor is using a body double in any other part of the sex scene, it’s unlikely that that’s the case here.

I’m not complaining that a Polly Walker nude scene contains *gasp* Polly Walker nude. I just find it very weird that HBO had their actors actually have literal genital contact during the filming of what I can only assume is meant to be a simulated sex scene. And if it wasn’t simulated, than Rome is literally hardcore pornography. And yet, in retrospect, it all seems rather pared back. Admittedly, the show’s successors didn’t have this level of genital contact, but compare how frequent and graphic the nude scenes were in – to use the most extreme example – Starz’ Spartacus. Of course, Spartacus had what was to me a very huge issue, which is the incessant use of the most evil invention on the planet – the merkin. I love a good bush – I really do. A merkin is not a bush any more than a clay figurine of a boob is a boob.

That said, we should be thankful for just how much we got to see of Polly Walker topless in Rome. Aside from having an all natural bush in a cast of actresses with all natural bushes, although it may not have been Spartacus-tier, HBO’s Rome was still from an era when nudity in film and television wasn’t seen as so problematic. It’s no coincidence that I chose Spartacus to compare it to. Starz, the network that produced Spartacus, produced another series this year. I’m talking, of course, about Becoming Elizabeth. You remember Becoming Elizabeth? It’s that show that all but opened with the nude debut that everyone had been waiting for – that of Call the Midwife’s Nurse Jenny Lee, Jessica Raine. And then we never saw her nor anyone else naked again for the entire rest of the show.

Polly Walker’s boobs may have only appeared a handful of times – four, to be precise – but that’s three more than one, far more than the token nude appearance to reel viewers in and leave them blue balled. For those among you keeping score, the episodes in which we see Polly Walker naked are the pilot episode, it’s follow-up, then the next one, and episode six. Yeah, the first three episodes of HBO’s Rome all had Polly Walker nude scenes. At the end of that one, a lot of people, myself included, probably thought that it would be an episodely affair. Unfortunately, at that point, there was only one more on the horizon, and then no more. Not from Polly, at least. Plenty from her co-stars, of course.

And that was the last of the Polly Walker sex scenes in Rome. And no, I haven’t forgotten that an entire second season was released. That one just contains no more nudity from Atia of the Julii, even though she continues to be a central character. I’m quite upset by that because Polly Walker had gained a bit of weight between the filming of the two seasons, and oh man, she had filled up in all the best ways by Season 2. I was hoping we’d get to see those nice, big, juicy MILF titties, but alas, no such luck. Yeah, she has a bath scene in the third episode of the second season, but I scrubbed through it looking for a money shot, and with regret I have to report that none such shot exists. Season 2 of Rome did have less nudity overall than the first, but it’s especially disheartening that Polly Walker nude scenes dropped from 4 all the way down to a flat 0.

And so we find ourselves constrained solely to the first season for this post, but hey, if you find yourself looking very closely to Polly Walker’s ass in the scene where she walks out of the Roman bath, you might spot a little something that wasn’t that obvious in the original air that my color correction has brought out. There is something visible in her thigh gap. Because it’s obviously in very dark shadow regardless of how much I boost the luma, it’s unclear exactly where the pubic hair ends and the pussy lips begin, but what I’ve got can certainly help your imagination along. Well, that’s my megapost of the quarter done, so scroll down and enjoy Polly Walker naked in Rome.

Alison Brie Naked – Horse Girl – 4K Stream

When I decided to cover Alison Brie naked in Horse Girl, I knew I had to do something special. Those of you who are familiar with my work know that all of the nude scenes I post are color corrected through such a complex, multi-faceted process, that even calling it color correction belies the scope of the work that goes into them. With Horse Girl, however, I had another layer to add to that. I really struggled to find any captures of the nude scenes from Horse Girl in 4K Ultra HD anywhere on the internet. I found AI upscales of the scene where we see Alison Brie nude while walking through a craft store, but that’s just not the same thing. AI upscales do pull detail out of nowhere, meaning that any nudity you’re seeing isn’t fully part of the original naked body. That said, it seems to work better on stills, as evidenced by my own little hackjobs of Natalie Dormer and Emilia Clarke.

I’m not against an AI upscale from Full HD to Ultra HD for the Horse Girl nudes on principle alone. No, the main reason I find it objectionable is because the film is literally available in 4K resolution from Netflix without any upscaling tomfoolery. Since posting nude scenes from film and television like they’ve never been seen before is what I go for anyway, posting up Alison Brie naked in Horse Girl in Ultra HD 4k 2160p resolution for the first time just seems like the right thing to do. And then, naturally, all of my usual gamut of color correction went on top of that to make the nudity that much clearer and more fappable.

Horse Girl is actually not the first feature that we see Alison Brie nude in, although to be fair, it is the only other of two. The Community actress’ first nude scenes were in the Netflix series about women’s professional wrestling GLOW. I suppose it’s interesting that every time she’s been nude on screen it’s always been a Netflix feature, considering the streaming company is fairly cagey with nudity generally. Some of you are going to bring up the alleged Alison Brie nude scenes in Born from all the way back in 2007. There is some controversy about whether that was really her or a body double, which is always a question when you can’t see the actress’ face at the same time as you can see her tits, but there needn’t be. Alison Brie herself has confirmed in a tweet that they used not one but a whole two body doubles for her in Born.

Other than the leaks, which I’m not going to comment on, we do get a quick flash of Alison Brie boobs – or rather, a whole lot of boobs and a quick flash of nip – in her 2012 lingerie photoshoot with GQ. In it, she keeps on trying to pull Gillian Jacobs’ bra off, only to reveal a new one underneath. Alison’s nip does fall out in the process, though. Since that predates Horse Girl, GLOW, and the leaked nudes that shall not be mentioned (again), GQ are actually responsible for the first time we saw Alison Brie naked ever. Thanks, GQ. Gentlemen indeed.

Horse Girl actually contains an Alison Brie sex scene that gets forgotten so often, that even I did a double-take when I rewatched the movie recently and it came up. The other lewd scene, because she’s not completely naked, that people overlook is the one where she’s in a sweater and panties and pulls her sweater up to examine her bruises. We get some pretty sweet underboob there. The scene that everyone of course knows is included here below, which is where she has a moment of psychosis and walks out of a shower that may or may not be real through the floor of the store where she works while completely nude as the customers look on confused. She then snaps out of it, panics, and covers herself up with some fabric, which I can only assume her employer took out of her pay after she got abducted by aliens. Spoiler alert or something. Enjoy the gallery of Alison Brie nude in Horse Girl.

Tanaya Beatty Naked – Crimes of the Future – 4K Stream

I didn’t really expect to see Tanaya Beatty naked when I watched Crimes of the Future. I’d picked up the movie in 4K to see the Lea Seydoux nude scene. It’s not that I haven’t seen Lea naked in pretty much every other movie she’s done, and occasionally full frontal as well, but I’ve had a thing for her ever since I covered Farewell, My Queen back in the .NET days, and I wasn’t going to stop now. So imagine my surprise when I’m watching the movie and out of absolutely nowhere, Rachel Black from the Twilight Saga takes all of her clothes off and is rocking quite a delectable bush.

For those with more contemporary tastes in film and television, Tanaya Beatty played Avery the stripper in Yellowstone. The irony there, of course, being that even though her character is a stripper (like with marines, there’s no such thing as a former stripper), she never really has a nude scene in Yellowstone. There was that one shot where she takes her top off and the camera is kind of behind her, but sideboob without nipple is no sideboob at all. There’s a second layer of irony in that Paramount Network aren’t particularly shy about including nude scenes in the show, so who the hell knows what was behind this decision.

Maybe neither the actress nor the world were ready for a Tanaya Beatty nude scene. We do have Through Black Spruce, which the Canadian actress had both a starring role and a nude scene in, but the nudity in that one is so dark and obscured, that I’m not convinced that even a solid round of color correction can increase the fappability factor to acceptable levels. I guess most people who have been jonesing for it have been settling for searching for Tanaya Beatty bikini pictures on Google Images for their fix, but that is no longer necessary.

Not only do we see Tanaya Beatty topless in Crimes of the Future, but we see her completely nude as well. The full frontal part doesn’t last that long, but as she finishes undressing and walks up to a weird biomechanical surgery coffin thing (Cronenberg, lol), she flashes her hairy pussy for a solid handful of frames. For much of the rest of the scene, she’s reclining with her co-worker and potential lesbian lover, played by Nadia Litz, and it’s mostly tits we see, but if you’re one of those foot men, you’re in for a special treat here too. Curiously, no ass in this scene. Not even in the entire movie, I think. Anyway, enjoy Tanaya Beatty nude in Crimes of the Future below.

Maria Bello Naked – A History of Violence – Blu ray

The greatest gift that David Cronenberg ever bestowed upon humanity was Maria Bello naked in A History of Violence with the only full frontal nude scene of her career. Sure, there’s all of about two or three seconds of nudity, and if you happen to be watching it in a movie theater or even just on a TV without a pause function, it can definitely feel like a bit of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. If you happen to have the benefit of a pause button or, better yet, the software to scrub back and forth frame by frame, however, this nude scene is actually up there with the greats.

The movie actually goes through quite a lot of teases before we get there. If you’ve ever wanted to see Maria Bello dancing seductively in a cheerleader outfit and then mounting Aragorn, you’re in luck, but you may find yourself disappointed by the fact that there is no real visible nudity in that scene. Then there’s another sex scene later on where you think you may be seeing hints of ass, but it’s so tame and un-graphic that I didn’t even bother cutting it to scrub through with the light bumped up to see if there was anything there, because at those angles, it was always going to be little or nothing.

When we finally do get to this, the only full frontal Maria Bello nude scene in existence, it’s easy to disbelieve your eyes and wonder whether anything was actually in view, especially since the open robe she’s wearing covers her tits most of the time. It covers her classic bush almost none of the time, and because she keeps her pubic hair trimmed in all of the right places, even her pussy lips are visible if you look close enough. I’m talking about inner labia, gentlemen. Maria Bello is sort of the queen of quick flash nude scenes, so this one is quite par for the course with that regard, but a lot more graphic in that all the rest are topless only, whereas here, we get all the full frontal nudity we can fap to. The video above has been slowed down to quarter speed so you can get an idea of exactly what’s happening, but the really magical way to enjoy Maria Bello naked in A History of Violence is with the carefully curated freeze frames below.

Nora-Jane Noone Naked – The Magdalene Sisters – HD Stream

God knows we took a lot of detours to get here, but we finish our tour of The Magdalene Sisters with a fap to the lovely Nora-Jane Noone naked. Not only is she my favorite of the lot – although I certainly feel treated with a lineup like we have in this scene – but she is also one of the first actresses I covered all the way back in the glory days of faptuary.net. A lot has changed since then. For starters, this is what the frame closest to the image directly about this paragraph looked like back in those humble times. But the only difference is that back then I just had the DVD whereas now I can stream it in HD, right? I don’t know. You tell me. This here is what the frame looks like in HD but without any further editing on my part. For reference, here is the full frame with all my color correction.

I’m not suggesting my work on this nude scene is my magnum opus – no, that would be the world famous Alexandra Daddario nude scene (for now) – but I am nonetheless extremely proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish in brining this nude scene to even more life. In fact, even when I thought I was done, I wasn’t done. Some more astute observers among you may notice that the shots look different here and in the Dorothy Duffy post compared to the posts for Eileen Walsh and Anne-Marie Duff. This is the kind of obsessive wank I get up to when the studios refuse to release one of my favorite nude scenes of all time on blu ray.

We get blessed with Nora-Jane Noone nude for the same reasons stated in the other three posts. The short version for those who aren’t interested in going through those is that Nora and friends are inmates at a nun’s convent laundry or something. They are being punished for reasons unknown, and true to real life, the nuns responsible for punishing the wayward girls are extremely sadistic and have a penchant for humiliation. This means forcing all the women to get completely naked, run in place, and then have degrading competitions over the girls’ private parts. Nora’s character, Bernadette, is the runner up for the hairiest bush award. I suppose, by extension, Nora-Jane Noone herself is since there is only one potential merkin in the entire lineup (I’m looking at you, Anne-Marie). That’s right, fully natural hairy pussies here. The film is set in the mid-20th century, so I respect them going for full authenticity, even down to the pubic hair.

The significance of Nora-Jane Noone topless in The Magdalene Sisters stretches beyond how fappable her body looks in the scene itself. You see, this movie is her very first acting role, so naturally it’s also her very first nude scene. You know what else it is? Her very last nude scene. And now that two full decades have passed since The Magdalene Sisters came out, I find it unlikely that that’s going to change. Don’t get me wrong, I hope we do get tons more Nora-Jane Noone nude scenes in the future, but I don’t want to hold out too much hope for something so unlikely. Is it weird that the Irish actress has held so firm on her no nudity policy all this time considering how exceptionally graphic and gratuitous her nude scene here is? Sure, but I’m glad that we got at least this. Almost makes it sweeter.

So there you have it, my present to everyone who watched The Descent and Doomsday and found themselves thinking just how much they’d like to see Nora-Jane Noone naked. By the way, I’ve found her career quite difficult to stay on top of due to her somewhat eccentric selection of projects, so if I have or perhaps in the future end up missing a lewd scene or, dare I suggest it, a full on Nora-Jane Noone nude scene, please do let me know by dropping a comment, hitting up the contact page, or shooting me a tweet at the official Twitter page.