1080p Nude - Page 6

Margaret Qualley Naked – Stars at Noon – HD Stream

I always knew I enjoyed seeing Margaret Qualley naked, but I never realized just how much I would enjoy seeing Margaret Qualley naked while sitting on a toilet. Just to be clear, it’s her sitting on the toilet, not me. Although I could sit on the toilet too while having a fap to Margaret sitting on the toilet. Is there a variation of the blumpkin that involves masturbation instead of a blowjob? Anyway, no blumpkins occur in Stars at Noon, but what does occur very often is footage of Margaret Qualley nude. I’m not joking when I say that there were so many nude scenes wherein the actress got her clothes off, that I almost got bored of them. Almost.

Stars at Noon is a bit of a strange egg. For starters, IMDB states, as I write, that it’s set in 1984. The characters also have mobile phones and have to constantly go through COVID-19 checkpoints and wear those insufferable blue masks. There are a number of explanations for this. Explanation 1 is that the film is anachronistic and brings modern technological and cultural dynamics to 80s Nicaragua. I like this explanation. It makes it quite magical. Explanation 2 is that IMDB is wrong. In fact, by the time you’re reading this, that link up there might no longer even say anything about it being 1984. Explanation 3 is that everyone is stupid except for me. Jury’s still out.

I’m certainly not finding reasons to complain about a movie that gives us Margaret Qualley nude scenes as often as Stars at Noon does. I just find it all very idiosyncratic. In the nicest way possible, of course. The other thing that stands out about Stars at Noon is something I alluded to earlier, and that’s that it’s the first movie I’ve seen that fits an aesthetic that has now reached film – covidcore. I’m sure when cowboys were herding cattle on the western frontier or sodomizing one another or whatever, they never thought that their way of life would become an entire genre, and now we are experiencing the same.

And I’m really glad that they got Margaret Qualley topless in Stars at Noon, because if they hadn’t, I would not yet have discovered this ridiculous genre any more than if I hadn’t watched Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy for the incredible nude scenes, I wouldn’t have researched Lucy Aarden and found her role in Nemesis and thus discovered the asdacore genre. Admittedly, as a non-member of the British organized crime world, covidcore is a bit more relatable for me compared to asdacore, but all the geezers in the latter genre are about 60-years-old, so I’ve still got time to achieve that lifestyle. Wait, what were we talking about?

The six million Margaret Qualley sex scenes in Stars at Noon, of course. Joe Alwyn co-stars, and apparently there has been some thirst to see him naked. I’m sorry to inform all the ladies and gayboys reading this that we do not see Joe Alwyn nude in Stars at Noon. Yes, he is in a lot of the sex scenes and the character is presumably unclothed, but no penis ever appears on the screen. It’s actually kind of ironic considering Claire Denis is both the writer and director of Stars at Night, and she is unlikely to have the same aversion to male nudity in film that good ol’ boy directors might. That said, my philosophy – which I’ve repeated time and time again across many posts on the Faptuary – is that women write and direct some of the best nude scenes involving actresses, not actors, so I suppose it still works.

I’m not going to go into a breakdown of every time we see Margaret Qualley naked because the scenes are many and kind of repetitive in their content. The variations are major enough to be noticeable but not major enough to warrant individual descriptors. The short version is as follows: There are lots of sex scenes. There is no full frontal nudity, even though Margaret Qualley has form for it. The nude scenes are gratuitous as anything. Seriously, the movie could have functioned the same without 90% of them, which really just makes me appreciate the filmmaker’s efforts that much more. I actually have for a while and continue to intend to cover some more nudity from the actress, but all in due time. In the meanwhile, enjoy Margaret Qualley nude in Stars at Noon below.

Hanna Hall Naked – Halloween – Blu ray

We saw Hanna Hall naked in Rob Zombie’s Halloween before we did any of the other characters, which I suppose is quite appropriate considering this was the Denverite’s nude debut. Some Rob Zombie fanatics might point out that Sheri Moon Zombie’s stripper scene preceded this one. You are correct, but sadly, as great as it is to watch her dance around a stripper’s pole, we don’t actually get to see Sheri Moon Zombie nude in this movie. But dry your eyes, dear fappers, because there is more than enough nudity to go around here, not least of which is the extensive nudity from co-star Danielle Harris, and in her nude debut, no less.

The movie also gives us some awesome full frontal nudity from Kristina Klebe, but whether that’s up yet or not will depend on whether you’re seeing any links in this sentence. You know what to do if they’re there. As for the nudity from Hanna Hall, it begins with what would otherwise be the end of a sex scene. The guy does us a favor and gets out of the way, giving us a number of shots of Hanna’s tits as she lies on her back in the bed. Rob Zombie put a tasteful loopy-meshy curtain between the actress and the camera, but the holes are wide enough to not obscure too much of the action. Certainly nothing is permanently excluded by the curtain, even if her nipples aren’t full visible in every single last frame.

We see Hanna Hall nude once more a few minutes later when she’s putting her tank top back on. Of course, the shot begins while she is still topless. Mr. Zombie sure knows how to treat his audience right. This pair of nude scene are satisfying but quite short. The good news for you is that they are far from the only nudes from the actress. If volume is what you’re after, you can see Hanna Hall naked quite a lot in Happiness Runs, which preceded her brief nude scene in Scalene, before she did her last nude scene for an episode of the delectably named Masters of Sex. Masters of Sex is actually on my radar, so we might be seeing (or have already seen) some of that later, but in the meantime, enjoy Hanna Hall naked in Halloween.

Olivia Colman Naked – Confetti – HD Stream

There is only one feature in which we have seen Olivia Colman naked, and it wasn’t even meant to be. In an interview with The Guardian back in 2007, the year after Confetti came out, the Norvician actress described filming the movie as “the worst experience of [her] life.” Apparently, the Olivia Colman nude scenes we got should have included a lot less nudity. In the same interview, the Academy Award-winning actress said that she was led to believe that “the nudity wouldn’t be quite as awful as it was.” Robert Webb, her co-star, said that he was told the nudity would all be pixelated, only finding out it wasn’t at the screening, where co-star Jessica Hynes apparently made a cheeky comment about his pee-pee, which sounds like something straight out of a CFNM fantasy.

So what are these Olivia Colman nude scenes everyone is referring to? Well, in the film, she plays a naturist – or, if you prefer the less in vogue term, a nudist. Who could have thought that there would be nudity in a film where one set of characters are nudists? Madness! To be fair, if the deal was that it was going to be pixelated, then that’s a pretty scummy move that the studio pulled on our Sophie. Worked out pretty well for all the fappers out there who have wanted to see Olivia Colman naked since Peep Show, but I suppose I would be none too impressed if I were in that situation. Doubly so when you consider that the actress has always (presumably intentionally) had a no nudity policy. I don’t even know if she has any lewds out there, let alone nudes.

I know you might be thinking that it was some Harvey Weinstein-type greaseball character that is responsible for the Olivia Colman nude scenes that should not be, but it was none other than Nativity! creator and frequent Martin Freeman collaborator Debbie Isitt. Well, she was the director and writer of the film in any event, which once again reinforces my oft-repeated belief that women direct and write some of the best nude scenes. Before you ask, yes, Martin Freeman is in Confetti as well, but no, Bilbo Baggins does not get his dick out. And while we’re at it, we don’t see co-stars Meredith MacNeill or Jessica Hynes nude either. The only naturists from among the main characters are Olivia and Robert Webb’s characters.

But to compensate for that, we sure do see Olivia Colman topless a lot in Confetti. For starters, she is literally completely naked for the majority of her scenes, and in some portion of them, she’s topless but wearing a scarf-like thing around her waist. Very frustratingly, these tend to be the scenes where we would have gotten a nice, close-up frontal shot of her trimmed pubic region, but to be fair, that’s almost certainly why she was wearing the scarf in those moments in the first place. That’s not to say that we got nothing close. There were quite a few scenes where her bush is on show and even a few frames where if you look really, really, really, really hard, you can just about make out her pussy lips. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Confetti remains the only movie where you can see Olivia Colman’s tits, and with her meteoric success over the past decade, this is unlikely to change. Add into the equation that these nude scenes should not have been released in the first place, and that makes it a near certainty. But realistically, after winning the six million prestigious awards that she has, including a literal Oscar, I don’t imagine the 48-year-old actress starring in a string of boob scenes now. I appreciate that didn’t stop Emma Thompson in the most explicit nude scenes of her career, and in her 60s, no less, but that’s far from standard. When there is famine in the future, the best we can do is remember the feasts of the past, and so I give you Olivia Colman naked in Confetti.

Rachel Shelley Naked – The L Word (Prison Arc) – HD Stream

We didn’t get too many scenes of Rachel Shelley naked in The L Word, but one of the ones we did get is absolutely amazing. I’m talking about the brief story arc that opens Season 5 during which Helena Peabody is in prison. For those who didn’t follow The L Word, the arc covered the first three episodes of the fifth season. It is pure women-in-prison magic, but with an interesting twist in that, off the top of my head, I cannot think of any major women-in-prison features other than Orange Is the New Black that are told from a female perspective. Yes, obviously, the main characters are all women, but the writers and directors tend to be greaseball men like the God-Emperor of Sleaze Jess Franco – or as he came to be known after his ascension, Jesús Franco.

If I say that the three episodes we are looking at in The L Word were all written and directed by women, I would likely surprise no one. After all, the whole point of the show was that it was a “groundbreaking take on gay women’s lives” and “focused primarily on the stories of lesbian and bisexual women”, and naturally, it was created, written, and directed by a team of women. Seeing a story arc about a women’s prison and all of the trappings of the genre from that perspective has been both illuminating and satisfying.

We actually don’t see Rachel Shelley nude in the first episode of the season. The appropriately titled LGB Tease includes one of the critical elements of the genre, which is the prisoner intake. We have Rachel Shelley naked in it – well, technically naked but covering her boobs with a handbra – while a corrections officer wearing a pair of blue latex gloves leers menacingly from behind her. The shot ends with Helena Peabody bending forward to get her ass and vagina thoroughly fingered, but alas, none of this is captured on camera. In fact, the episode ends with no further nudity from the Swindon native, living up to its title.

The tease doesn’t last long because we do see Rachel Shelley topless in the very next episode, titled Look Out, Here They Come!, which may or may not have been a reference to the tsunami of orgasms from all aficionados of women-in-prison flicks. The context is, of course, a prison shower. You know how these kinds of scenes go, don’t you? Big open shower rooms with droves of completely nude female prisoners, soaped up and wet, getting into fights, the works. We do indeed see Rachel Shelley nude here for the first (and sadly last) time in the story arc, but what we are not given in quantity, we get plenty of in quality.

If you thought Showtime did well with the women-in-prison nude scene in this episode, you’re probably going to be quite enraged when you find out that there was a spin-off of The L Word planned that was going to take place entirely within a women’s prison, but it never saw the light of day. It was to be called The Farm, and apparently the pilot was filmed and everything, but alas, no biters at Showtime. Sad. Incidentally, this nude scene here also includes full frontal nudity from former Canadian Member of Parliament Lenore Zann, but more on that later. For now, enjoy Rachel Shelley naked in the prison story arc from The L Word.

Rachel McAdams Naked – My Name Is Tanino – HD Stream

Hunting for footage of Rachel McAdams naked in the films she has been in is a bit of a disorienting experience. It’s counterintuitive, but Rachel McAdams nude scenes are so few, far between, dark, and limited in view, that it’s almost easier to just tell yourself that the Canadian actress has never really done any on-screen nudity. But the thing is that there is actually one nude scene from her that ticks (almost) all of the boxes in the best way possible, and it’s in a film that no one really talks about, which I suppose isn’t that bizarre considering it’s a small-ish Italian film with not quite the same reach as, say, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. (Yes, Rachel McAdams is in that one as Doctor Christine Palmer, but no, as with all Marvel Avengers bullshit dirt, there is no nudity.)

The seminal moment I’m talking about is, of course, Rachel McAdams nude in My Name Is Tanino. This is her nude debut, but it’s a bit more than that in terms of foundations of her career. My Name Is Tanino came out in 2002, only a year after her first screen role. Perhaps more importantly for why it was and continues to be so easily forgotten is that it first screened at the Venice Film Festival barely a few months before The Hot Chick released to theaters. Now, while The Hot Chick is neither a cinematic masterpiece nor a hotbed of nude scenes (spoiler alert: it has none), its Hollywood pedigree is significantly more established, and indeed, it was responsible for kickstarting the Ontario native’s career.

But we’re here to talk about times that we’ve seen Rachel McAdams nude, not times that we haven’t. I guess My Name Is Tanino came at the right point in her career for that. Why do I say that? Because unlike in future nude scenes from the actress, in which it’s all about the subtle “artistic” nudity, in this one, she just spends a while running around a beach topless and swimming in a sea topless and appearing in a flashback topless. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a whole lot more gratuitous than the kinds of “tasteful” flashes we see elsewhere. What’s more, whether it was filmed on location or in a studio, her nude scenes are all set on hot, sunny days, so the nudity is about as well lit as can be. The biggest downside we face is that there is yet to be a blu ray release, and the streaming version suffers from – to be polite – imperfect video quality.

The good news for you, dear fapper, is that if you really absolutely need to see Rachel McAdams topless on blu ray, every single other film she has done a nude scene in has a blu ray release. I’m not going to go into too much detail, but in chronological order, these are The Notebook, a PG-13 film in which we get some nip and sideboob action during sex scenes; The Time Traveler’s Wife, another PG-13 film where she moons the camera with her bare ass (which I suppose is about right for the age rating); To the Wonder, in which Ben Affleck marvels at her tits as they bounce in his face; and Disobedience, in which she partakes in hardcore lesbian tomfoolery, including one scene of Kate Winslet spitting into her mouth, which is, depending on perspective, either more or less graphic than when she ate out Saoirse Ronan’s pussy in Ammonite.

Yeah, that will probably always remain the most explicit Rachel McAdams sex scene, but the honor of hosting the most gratuitous nudity from the actress is unlikely to ever pass from My Name Is Tanino. Don’t get me wrong – I am fully hoping it does, because even at 43 years old (as I write), she is still drop dead gorgeous. That said, there is a bit of a curse with actresses who enter the Marvel Cinematic Universe sort of calling it quits with appearing naked in films, so I have no plans to hold my breath for any amazing offerings at this stage. It’s all good, though, because we’ve got this and we always will. Enjoy Rachel McAdams naked in My Name Is Tanino.