English actress Nude - Page 4

Olivia Colman Naked – Confetti – HD Stream

There is only one feature in which we have seen Olivia Colman naked, and it wasn’t even meant to be. In an interview with The Guardian back in 2007, the year after Confetti came out, the Norvician actress described filming the movie as “the worst experience of [her] life.” Apparently, the Olivia Colman nude scenes we got should have included a lot less nudity. In the same interview, the Academy Award-winning actress said that she was led to believe that “the nudity wouldn’t be quite as awful as it was.” Robert Webb, her co-star, said that he was told the nudity would all be pixelated, only finding out it wasn’t at the screening, where co-star Jessica Hynes apparently made a cheeky comment about his pee-pee, which sounds like something straight out of a CFNM fantasy.

So what are these Olivia Colman nude scenes everyone is referring to? Well, in the film, she plays a naturist – or, if you prefer the less in vogue term, a nudist. Who could have thought that there would be nudity in a film where one set of characters are nudists? Madness! To be fair, if the deal was that it was going to be pixelated, then that’s a pretty scummy move that the studio pulled on our Sophie. Worked out pretty well for all the fappers out there who have wanted to see Olivia Colman naked since Peep Show, but I suppose I would be none too impressed if I were in that situation. Doubly so when you consider that the actress has always (presumably intentionally) had a no nudity policy. I don’t even know if she has any lewds out there, let alone nudes.

I know you might be thinking that it was some Harvey Weinstein-type greaseball character that is responsible for the Olivia Colman nude scenes that should not be, but it was none other than Nativity! creator and frequent Martin Freeman collaborator Debbie Isitt. Well, she was the director and writer of the film in any event, which once again reinforces my oft-repeated belief that women direct and write some of the best nude scenes. Before you ask, yes, Martin Freeman is in Confetti as well, but no, Bilbo Baggins does not get his dick out. And while we’re at it, we don’t see co-stars Meredith MacNeill or Jessica Hynes nude either. The only naturists from among the main characters are Olivia and Robert Webb’s characters.

But to compensate for that, we sure do see Olivia Colman topless a lot in Confetti. For starters, she is literally completely naked for the majority of her scenes, and in some portion of them, she’s topless but wearing a scarf-like thing around her waist. Very frustratingly, these tend to be the scenes where we would have gotten a nice, close-up frontal shot of her trimmed pubic region, but to be fair, that’s almost certainly why she was wearing the scarf in those moments in the first place. That’s not to say that we got nothing close. There were quite a few scenes where her bush is on show and even a few frames where if you look really, really, really, really hard, you can just about make out her pussy lips. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Confetti remains the only movie where you can see Olivia Colman’s tits, and with her meteoric success over the past decade, this is unlikely to change. Add into the equation that these nude scenes should not have been released in the first place, and that makes it a near certainty. But realistically, after winning the six million prestigious awards that she has, including a literal Oscar, I don’t imagine the 48-year-old actress starring in a string of boob scenes now. I appreciate that didn’t stop Emma Thompson in the most explicit nude scenes of her career, and in her 60s, no less, but that’s far from standard. When there is famine in the future, the best we can do is remember the feasts of the past, and so I give you Olivia Colman naked in Confetti.

Rachel Shelley Naked – The L Word (Prison Arc) – HD Stream

We didn’t get too many scenes of Rachel Shelley naked in The L Word, but one of the ones we did get is absolutely amazing. I’m talking about the brief story arc that opens Season 5 during which Helena Peabody is in prison. For those who didn’t follow The L Word, the arc covered the first three episodes of the fifth season. It is pure women-in-prison magic, but with an interesting twist in that, off the top of my head, I cannot think of any major women-in-prison features other than Orange Is the New Black that are told from a female perspective. Yes, obviously, the main characters are all women, but the writers and directors tend to be greaseball men like the God-Emperor of Sleaze Jess Franco – or as he came to be known after his ascension, Jesús Franco.

If I say that the three episodes we are looking at in The L Word were all written and directed by women, I would likely surprise no one. After all, the whole point of the show was that it was a “groundbreaking take on gay women’s lives” and “focused primarily on the stories of lesbian and bisexual women”, and naturally, it was created, written, and directed by a team of women. Seeing a story arc about a women’s prison and all of the trappings of the genre from that perspective has been both illuminating and satisfying.

We actually don’t see Rachel Shelley nude in the first episode of the season. The appropriately titled LGB Tease includes one of the critical elements of the genre, which is the prisoner intake. We have Rachel Shelley naked in it – well, technically naked but covering her boobs with a handbra – while a corrections officer wearing a pair of blue latex gloves leers menacingly from behind her. The shot ends with Helena Peabody bending forward to get her ass and vagina thoroughly fingered, but alas, none of this is captured on camera. In fact, the episode ends with no further nudity from the Swindon native, living up to its title.

The tease doesn’t last long because we do see Rachel Shelley topless in the very next episode, titled Look Out, Here They Come!, which may or may not have been a reference to the tsunami of orgasms from all aficionados of women-in-prison flicks. The context is, of course, a prison shower. You know how these kinds of scenes go, don’t you? Big open shower rooms with droves of completely nude female prisoners, soaped up and wet, getting into fights, the works. We do indeed see Rachel Shelley nude here for the first (and sadly last) time in the story arc, but what we are not given in quantity, we get plenty of in quality.

If you thought Showtime did well with the women-in-prison nude scene in this episode, you’re probably going to be quite enraged when you find out that there was a spin-off of The L Word planned that was going to take place entirely within a women’s prison, but it never saw the light of day. It was to be called The Farm, and apparently the pilot was filmed and everything, but alas, no biters at Showtime. Sad. Incidentally, this nude scene here also includes full frontal nudity from former Canadian Member of Parliament Lenore Zann, but more on that later. For now, enjoy Rachel Shelley naked in the prison story arc from The L Word.

Lucy Aarden Naked – Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy – Blu ray

If I had to give one reason to watch Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy, it would be to see Lucy Aarden naked. I’m neither joking nor exaggerating when I say that this movie contains one of the greatest nude scenes of all time. The Lucy Aarden nude scene in the shower in the film is absolute perfection as far as film and television nudity goes. I understand that some of you may have reservations around it being a little bit dark overall, so I’d like to qualify my statement by saying that I grade the quality of a nude scene by how much detail is technically there, even if it’s not obvious at first glance. In other words, if the actress’ pussy lips appear to be in shadow in the scene but are made visible with a bit of digital trickery (AI not allowed, of course), that fits the bill.

And that is definitely the case in Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy. To be fair, even when you watch the film with the color grading and lighting that the producers intended, it’s not particularly difficult to make out the trimmed bush on Lucy’s pudenda or the cleft between her labia (what? too clinical?), but with the kinds of touch-ups that I put the footage through, it’s about as clear as if it had been shot with the English actress standing at the confluence of a hundred spotlights. I’m sure the results speak for themselves, but I feel obligated to say that there’s no part of Lucy Aarden nude that isn’t visible here.

Death Race may not be the only franchise in which we get to see Lucy Aarden nude (more on that in a bit), but this movie is definitely the one where we get to see her the most naked. The color correction reveals that even her inner labia feature in the shots. Inner labia! Seriously, I challenge any of you to tell me how many mainstream movies (pornos of any breed excluded) have their mainstream actresses do nude scenes with their inner labia clearly visible. The only way this nude scene could be more explicit is if the Shakespearean actress was pulling her pussy lips apart while the camera does an extreme close-up of her clit. Lucy, if you’re reading this and have been considering future steps in your career, yes, there definitely is a market for that.

The funny thing is that we’ve only seen Lucy Aarden topless in one other feature, so it’s not like this is a sort of career trajectory for her or anything like that. A year after her watershed performance in Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy, she was in an episode of Game of Thrones as Craya or Crayah, a King’s Landing prostitute. She got naked for that. Of course she did. It was Game of Thrones, after all, which still had a reputation for rampant, gratuitous, and wholly unnecessary nudity, unlike its significantly more tame successor, House of the Dragon.

Didn’t quite get a Lucy Aarden sex scene in that fated episode, but that’s more than made up for in this movie, which includes multiple shots of her being taken doggy style by Frankenstein, including more than one of her tits bouncing and swaying in a nature as graphic as is fit for a softcore porn film. Seriously, I cannot stress enough just how gratuitous the nudity is in this movie. The fact that so many of the extras are running around topless or bare-ass naked half the time is one thing, but it’s even other named characters, including Vanina Arias’ character, whom I’d covered earlier. Sadly, no nude scenes from Christine Marzano or Yennis Cheung, who play the sort of background roles of female protagonists, but with an antagonist like Lucy Aarden’s Carley, the perpetually nude Betty Boop-sounding villain, that’s more than made up for.

You’re all aware that I don’t cover pornography on the Faptuary. For this reason, I want to touch back on the point I’d made a few times about Lucy Aarden being a mainstream and serious actress. While I understand that a secondary role in a “straight-to-DVD ‘geezer’ movie” is far from exemplary of such status, the actress’ role in Nemesis does nonetheless reinforce the point. What reinforces it even more is Lucy Aarden’s theater pedigree – from the stage to not-exactly-the-stage to pure voice work, the last of which apparently includes voice dubbing for (presumably the extras) in Death Race itself.

I could probably go on forever talking about Lucy Aarden nude in Beyond Anarchy, but space is limited and so is any sane person’s attention span when exposed to my absolute drivel, so I’ll just start pulling to a close by reiterating that this is genuinely among the greatest nude scenes ever made, and I’m quite pleased with the result of my color correction, which, if I do say so myself, blew the others out of the water. Also, if someone wants to bring up the Lucy Aarden nude scene in Endeavour, guess again. Finally, it’s not easy to spot in this film, but Lucy’s heterochromia bumps her up from a solid 10 to a mathematically-impossible 11 for me. Enough babble. Unzip that fly and enjoy Lucy Aarden naked in Death Race: Beyond Anarchy.

Polly Walker Naked – Rome – Blu ray

It was about time to do a nice, beefy post, and what better topic to do it with than Polly Walker naked in HBO’s Rome? Yeah, shame on you if you thought that Fapsmith was going to make a habit out of phoning it in with lean posts of 5 second-long nude scenes. I obviously had the exact opposite to work with when going through Rome. The series itself has a cornucopia of nude scenes from a number of the actresses, but even when you drill it down, we got a variety of Polly Walker nude scenes split across four separate episodes, coming in at second place for the most amount of nudity in the series, losing only to her in-show daughter Octavia, played be Irish actress Kerry Condon.

It is actually a bit funny because I remember back when Rome came out in 2005, it did have a bit of a reputation for being a gratuitous nudity fest. Certainly a large part of that reputation was well-deserved. For instance, when color correcting for these very scenes in this post, I cam across something that may slip under your radars as you watch the videos above and certainly slipped under most people’s radars, my own included, when watching the show as it’s meant to be on TV. My rather aggressive color correction, however, brought it out nice and clear. I’m talking about Lee Boardman’s ballsack slapping Polly Walker’s bare ass during their sex scene. Seriously, this is practically hardcore porn-tier. Considering it is clear that neither actor is using a body double in any other part of the sex scene, it’s unlikely that that’s the case here.

I’m not complaining that a Polly Walker nude scene contains *gasp* Polly Walker nude. I just find it very weird that HBO had their actors actually have literal genital contact during the filming of what I can only assume is meant to be a simulated sex scene. And if it wasn’t simulated, than Rome is literally hardcore pornography. And yet, in retrospect, it all seems rather pared back. Admittedly, the show’s successors didn’t have this level of genital contact, but compare how frequent and graphic the nude scenes were in – to use the most extreme example – Starz’ Spartacus. Of course, Spartacus had what was to me a very huge issue, which is the incessant use of the most evil invention on the planet – the merkin. I love a good bush – I really do. A merkin is not a bush any more than a clay figurine of a boob is a boob.

That said, we should be thankful for just how much we got to see of Polly Walker topless in Rome. Aside from having an all natural bush in a cast of actresses with all natural bushes, although it may not have been Spartacus-tier, HBO’s Rome was still from an era when nudity in film and television wasn’t seen as so problematic. It’s no coincidence that I chose Spartacus to compare it to. Starz, the network that produced Spartacus, produced another series this year. I’m talking, of course, about Becoming Elizabeth. You remember Becoming Elizabeth? It’s that show that all but opened with the nude debut that everyone had been waiting for – that of Call the Midwife’s Nurse Jenny Lee, Jessica Raine. And then we never saw her nor anyone else naked again for the entire rest of the show.

Polly Walker’s boobs may have only appeared a handful of times – four, to be precise – but that’s three more than one, far more than the token nude appearance to reel viewers in and leave them blue balled. For those among you keeping score, the episodes in which we see Polly Walker naked are the pilot episode, it’s follow-up, then the next one, and episode six. Yeah, the first three episodes of HBO’s Rome all had Polly Walker nude scenes. At the end of that one, a lot of people, myself included, probably thought that it would be an episodely affair. Unfortunately, at that point, there was only one more on the horizon, and then no more. Not from Polly, at least. Plenty from her co-stars, of course.

And that was the last of the Polly Walker sex scenes in Rome. And no, I haven’t forgotten that an entire second season was released. That one just contains no more nudity from Atia of the Julii, even though she continues to be a central character. I’m quite upset by that because Polly Walker had gained a bit of weight between the filming of the two seasons, and oh man, she had filled up in all the best ways by Season 2. I was hoping we’d get to see those nice, big, juicy MILF titties, but alas, no such luck. Yeah, she has a bath scene in the third episode of the second season, but I scrubbed through it looking for a money shot, and with regret I have to report that none such shot exists. Season 2 of Rome did have less nudity overall than the first, but it’s especially disheartening that Polly Walker nude scenes dropped from 4 all the way down to a flat 0.

And so we find ourselves constrained solely to the first season for this post, but hey, if you find yourself looking very closely to Polly Walker’s ass in the scene where she walks out of the Roman bath, you might spot a little something that wasn’t that obvious in the original air that my color correction has brought out. There is something visible in her thigh gap. Because it’s obviously in very dark shadow regardless of how much I boost the luma, it’s unclear exactly where the pubic hair ends and the pussy lips begin, but what I’ve got can certainly help your imagination along. Well, that’s my megapost of the quarter done, so scroll down and enjoy Polly Walker naked in Rome.

Sonoya Mizuno Naked – House of the Dragon – 4K Stream

I watched the second episode of HBO’s House of the Dragon today, and it did not include any footage of Sonoya Mizuno naked. In fact, it didn’t include footage of any characters naked, not even extras in the background, which was all that was offered in the pilot episode. Or was it? In my original report, I’d said that none of the characters that appeared nude had names and only one had lines. To be fair, that was true at time of writing, but the second episode gave us a bit of a development on the nudity front even though it didn’t have any nude scenes itself.

The second episode of House of the Dragon named the character from the first episode who both got naked and had lines. Not only did they name her, but they also made her a queen (but more in the byzantine context of Targaryen politics than in an explicit way, of course). The whore-turned-queen’s name was Mysaria, and if IMDB is to be believed, she is due to appear in all ten episodes of the first season of the series, so by no means the background character that I’d erroneously pegged her as in that fateful report.

Identifying the character by name also gives us a way to identify the actress, which is why I can now cover this Sonoya Mizuno nude scene in earnest. As tends to be the case, my faceblindness fucked me sideways once again, because not only had I seen the actress before, but I’d even seen and enjoyed (if you know what I mean) one of her previous nude scenes. We all got to see Sonoya Mizuno nude (and very much so) in Alex Garland’s sci-fi thriller Ex Machina. That movie’s fame was obviously focused among fappers around what I believe was Alicia Vikander’s first full frontal nude scene, so as with Demi Moore’s historic nude debut on the beach in the 80s classic comedy Blame it on Rio, it was easy to overlook.

Sonoya Mizuno’s sex scene in House of the Dragon, however, is more difficult to overlook since we’re now two episodes into the series and she continues to be the only character with either a name or a line to actually have a nude scene. Then again, I say that as someone who completely did overlook it when I covered the show last week, so maybe I’m not the best authority on the matter. Other than Ex Machina, we did get another view of Sonoya Mizuno naked in 2019’s Ambition, but that one isn’t exactly fap city. It’s a pretty brief scene shot from a fair distance.

Unless you specifically only want to see Sonoya Mizuno’s ass, you might feel not too different about her nude scene in House of the Dragon too. Technically, her boobs do appear, and I’ve even managed to isolate a few frames where, with the right color correction, we can get a good enough view to squeeze a few wanks out to, but this one overall really is one for the ass men. I can’t help but be cognizant of the fact that ass on screen has been acceptable on American network television for a while, and even though HBO isn’t bound by that, they seem to be following a trajectory that’s logical end point is exactly there. I hope I get proven wrong. So if you have a thing for Tokyo-born Somerset-raised hapa girls, get ready to enjoy the holy hell out of your next fap with Sonoya Mizuno naked in House of the Dragon.